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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder wtf people do without childcare??!

169 replies

StopBeingAGoat · 08/04/2018 21:59

How the hell do people with 0 childcare options cope in life??

Obviously you can get around some things but there are others that taking your kids along just isn't an option!

What the hell do you do??!

Basically for background, I've found out today that family have an issue with having my dd, apparently it's a problem for them!

So I've decided to stop using them as an option in future.

Sat here wondering wtf my options are??

Child's father isn't on the scene at all, neither is his family. I don't talk to many family members of mine.

I've 0 options.

OP posts:
Original poster
StopBeingAGoat · 08/04/2018 22:14

Same as anyone else who gets admitted to hospital with no support - temporary foster care

I've not thought about that before!

Do they ship you to hospital whilst calling police/SS??!

OP posts:
DoublyTroubly · 08/04/2018 22:15

You probably missed my earlier post but definitely ask your health visitor if they can help

Otherwise a leisure centre is your best bet for ad-hoc, evening childcare

sonypony · 08/04/2018 22:15

Yes just take your DC to the appointments. Hope your health improves.

zzzzz · 08/04/2018 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ruleshelpcontrolthefun · 08/04/2018 22:15

We're hundreds of miles from family. I'm a SAHM. DD is at school but DS is 18mo so is with me all the time. DH is out the house 8am-6.30pm so DS is with me all the time. I took him to my smear test and I've taken him with me to my osteo appointments. I can't just lock him in a cupboard, he's always there. We had to take both of them to appointments with the bank or solicitor. I had to take both with me to collect DH from his operation as someone had to collect him after having a GA and I'm his only someone.

Peonyflower37 · 08/04/2018 22:16

It is difficult; we don't have family near by as both from overseas. I only manage because I work part time.

Options: nanny, aupair, nursery, childminder, holiday clubs.

Even if I had family around I wouldn't bother them all the time only on certain ocasions as I understand people have their own commitments.

Pimpernell182 · 08/04/2018 22:16

You've said you no longer want to ask your own family, and don't speak to many members of them anyway, have no contact with your child's father or his family, and don't have any friends. Nor do you work or have any means of supporting yourself. Bluntly, you need to either build and invest in a support network of friends and family or get a job so you can afford to pay for the services of a childminder or similar. With or without mental health difficulties, what other options do you think exist for anybody?

Starlight2345 · 08/04/2018 22:17

Would family do the one evening one and take dc to the rest ? I am assuming group therapy would be no children . I had Mh appointments which I took Dc in pushchair

Fundays12 · 08/04/2018 22:18

You find a good childminder who offers adhoc care and use them. I don’t and can’t rely on family so pay the childminder that cares for ds when I am at work for my older son I pay after school club. I take the kids with me most of the time though.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 08/04/2018 22:18

In your shoes OP I would contact either homes start, early years team or social services and explain the situation and ask if there is anything they can offer you or refer you to a support service that can help with a few hours childcare for medical appointments.

Fruitcorner123 · 08/04/2018 22:19

If you are single with no help from family you will need to pay for it even of you are filing for bankruptcy.

Are your family definitely unable to help because your circumstances seem quite extreme? Do they know you are filing for bankruptcy? Do they know about your mental health problems?

Akire · 08/04/2018 22:19

have you been to this group before? Maybe if there are others in same
Situation you can buddy up and take turns each going every other week while other babysits?

Willow2017 · 08/04/2018 22:20

As your support worker/hv about family services in your area.

Often there are feee child care services for people in need of them or the child minding assoc may do free supported child care.

As a cm i have done both for years for families who need short term or long term support.
Good luck.

Fruitcorner123 · 08/04/2018 22:20

Or is there a close friend who you could confide in. I would help a friend in the circumstances you describe and you could repay the favour by having their DC over to stay at yours sometimes (if they have DC)

EskiVodkaCranberry · 08/04/2018 22:21

You sound very brave. You'll get through this and it'll be a memory one day. Phone your health visitor and explain everything, they'll be options and support I'm sure. There definitely is where I live. Good luck.

Willow2017 · 08/04/2018 22:21

free child care not feee!

Springtrolls · 08/04/2018 22:22

For MH the options depend on the appointments. Some you can take lo, others like group and treatment, no. But don't give up, talk to the MH team there will be something in place. You won't be the only person in this situation. Even if it involves stay, here we have group home that you can take children with you. Other areas have them, but not widely known.

Other medical appointments you can take lo with you. When mine was that age in the buggy, in the room with me, for the dentist and other side of the curtain for smear and the injection.

You will have baby groups where you will be able to make friends. This is for the long term.
Some areas still have sure start who will be able to help.
Social services have a particular department, cannot think of it's name. You can get referred by the HM team. They aren't actually SW, but they work with families in need and offer practical support such as chaperoning appointments, advocate, cleaning a bit and more.
The HV also might know about some local support.

MacaroniPenguin · 08/04/2018 22:22

If your daughter is only 1 I wouldn't write off your family just yet. She will get easier as she learns to talk, toilet trains, eats more grown up food etc. My ILs would never have had our 2 as babies (well, did in dire emergency for 2 hours when DD was 2) but now the DC are older and easier to chat to, they talk weekly and babysit once or twice a year. That's nothing to do with our relationship changing, it's just they are better with children than babies.

Generally you can bring DC to most things like dentist, hair appts, medical appts. It's often better if you don't ask, but just turn up with them. People do understand not everyone has childcare for littlies. Once your child is at nursery/pre-school, nursery staff might be happy to do evening babysitting - not cheap because they're qualified and in demand, but generally good. Daytimes are tricker, but I'd imagine you won't be wanting to leave your child with someone they don't know while you go elsewhere much anyway.

VladmirsPoutine · 08/04/2018 22:23

Have you been appointed a social worker?

worstwitch18 · 08/04/2018 22:24

You could do what my neighbours did... find a local seventeen year old doing their Duke of Edinburgh award and get one nights free babysitting a week in exchange for signing off their "service" hours and a good reference.

If they're not so keen and your group session is short they might do it for one hour free and one hour paid. I would have at that age, especially as volunteer positions for teenagers were pretty scarce.

Peonyflower37 · 08/04/2018 22:25

Before nursery I used to take them with me everywhere. I remember taking them to hair dressers and doctors and entertaining with sweets or iPad. You do what you have to do. It is hard but lots of people do it and you will have more time when she starts nursery.

AthenaAshton · 08/04/2018 22:26

Goat, all I can offer is sympathy. I had to take mine absolutely everywhere when they were small. Even if I could have or would have wanted to pay for childcare, I could hardly leave them with someone they had never met, given that they were with me 24/7 and Mummy was the only person who would do, so far as they were concerned (not the case now that they are teenagers Grin). I remember taking them to the dentist with me when they were babies and toddlers, as it was the only way I could attend my appointment. The receptionist gave me a death stare and asked why I had brought them. What else was I supposed to do with them? They behaved fine, as it happens - but I was just lucky on that occasion. Other than that, I didn't go anywhere on my own until the last one started school.

If it's a MH appointment, I wonder if you could ask at the surgery/hospital (sorry - I don't know which you might attend) whether there is any facility for having your DD looked after, or if they could advise you how to go about attending your appointment - which you obviously need to do - when you have a small child as well? On the whole, people are willing to help if you can bring yourself to ask.

Sakurasnail · 08/04/2018 22:26

So your parents have DC for the evening appointments once a week? Why is this causing such a problem for them? Have they said this to anybody or is it just how you perceive the situation? (Not said harshly, I understand how mental state could affect your interpretation of things. )

And you're looking for one off childcare for what - interviews? No nursery I've ever used offered one off care. Check out sitters.com or similar in your area as mentioned above. Good luck finding a part time flexible job, will it pay enough to cover childcare for the period you need? Often you pay for morning/evening sessions not just hours you want, so may be relatively expensive. Also, why flexible? You're probably not going to be able to chop and change childcare hours, so unless I'm understanding it incorrectly (or there's more info to come) a flexible job would make it more difficult for childcare. Unless you mean able to work from home at times?

Pixel99 · 08/04/2018 22:31

I think OP needs a bit more of a hand hold here rather than the put up and shut up attitude. OP is having a tough time with no support. I am sure you are doing a great job as a mum. Have you tried Citizens Advice to see what additional support you may be entitled to? You need to believe in your self worth OP and that people will like you. I understand the lack of self worth, and wonder why people might like me. Do you work? Once you are working you can slowly build have friendships. Can you take your DC to any child events - try the library / mother and baby mornings. I appreciate the mums there may know each other and be a bit cliquey (?!) but there maybe a mum like you who doesn't know anyone. You can build friendships for yourself and your DC. Flowers

Darkbendis · 08/04/2018 22:34

Childminder or breaksfast club/afterschool. Pricey but this is life.

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