To wonder wtf people do without childcare??!

[StopBeingAGoat]

How the hell do people with 0 childcare options cope in life??

Obviously you can get around some things but there are others that taking your kids along just isn't an option!

What the hell do you do??!

Basically for background, I've found out today that family have an issue with having my dd, apparently it's a problem for them!

So I've decided to stop using them as an option in future.

Sat here wondering wtf my options are??

Child's father isn't on the scene at all, neither is his family. I don't talk to many family members of mine.

I've 0 options.

You take them with you.

I was a lone parent for 10 years.

If you’re ill, and have to go into hospital unavoidably, the children get taken into temporary foster care if there really is nobody else like a friendly, familiar neighbour.

I actually found childcare just about affordable working part time on minimum wage.
Child Tax Credit/Working Tax Credit plus wages was around £1100 a month, plus Child Benefit on top. No financial help from absent father.

Housing Benefit was part paid and council tax discount.

Government paid 75% of childcare costs via WorkingTax Credit.

Mind you, I didn’t own a car, smoke, drink, socialise, havesatellite tele or contract phone, and minimal utility debts.

Where are you based, OP?

Same as anyone else who gets admitted to hospital with no support - temporary foster care

If you're admitted to hospital and there is really nobody to look after your child then yes, temporary foster care. However they would try relatives first. And foster care is not going to be an option for short appointments rather than admissions.

OP you asked whether you could take your DC to the appointment - that depends on the appointment and the policy of the organisation that is running it. So for things like blood tests then you can usually take a child, for something like counselling usually not. For a support group I'd doubt it because it would impact on other participants and they could easily end up with dozens of children there. Ask the professional you see which appointments you can take your DC to.

If the childcare has previously been provided by family then maybe go back and talk to them again. Clearly they were happy to help once so it's unlikely they are completely dead against helping now. Maybe the childcare has become too frequent for them and you will need to think about limiting it. People say things in frustration and exhaustion so although they may have said "never again" that may be negotiable if you find out exactly what about providing childcare is bothering them, apologise and offer a compromise.

It might be worth talking to your care provider to see if you are entitled to a care needs assessment to see whether they could offer you any money to pay for childcare while you attend appointments.

Find a childminder or nursery who can offer flexible hours when you have appointments. Are you entitled to funding?
My DD's nursery will take her for an extra couple of hours (short notice) if I have an appointment or need to go somewhere, they are also open 7am-7pm.

Other than that, join a babysitting circle? Local mums FB groups often have groups of mums who take it in turns to provide childcare.

Join a mums and tots group which can lead to a baby sitting circle - A reciprocal arrangement where you each look after another's child instead of payment. Your hv may also be able to access funding to use a cm for your appointments if you have an ongoing issue.

Go to your local nurseries and talk to them - many staff top up their incomes by doing ad hoc babysitting. And you know they will be trained and dbs checked.
Or, take him with you. At one he may sleep in the evening.

Sure Start centres can offer childcare for appointments.

If you contact social services they can arrange help with childcare for medical appointments (friend had to do this)

We pay for after school and holiday childcare. Other than that we have no options so we don't socialise without DD.

Sure Start centres can offer childcare for appointments.

Where SureStart still exists!

I think my best bet is social services. I've wanted to contact them for some time now. Just to get as much help as I can to ensure my child has a good start in life.

I have cancelled around 6 gp appointments so far.

I stay in a hell of a lot.

Il contact my HV and see what she says.

Depends on her age - if she is really young ( pre schooler) look for a nursery or childminder. if she is at school, some do after school clubs or breakfast clubs, but usually only term times - so a child minder that can do the school runs and holiday time care might be a better option for you if work isn't flexible about time off for holidays. Most people i have known in past had family about to do most of it, i didnt and had to use a combination of things with ds1. Its not cheap, but there are options out there.

Granted it costs but I’m constantly flabbergasted on here that people rely entirely on family for childcare.

Why?

its nothing new for people to use family or friends for childcare - it happened years ago long before ' wrap around care' became a buzz word. Most people i know went back to work and had mums dads aunties all caring for their children and doing nursery or school runs and holiday care, it was still a juggle and could cause frictions, but it wasnt rare. i was actually a bit jealous of people who had lots of help- mostly cost free as well. they were always that much better off financially.

Well some of us pay something for it, but yeah, agree. I'm glad to both receive and provide childcare for family members.

We didn't have childcare and when it became available didn't use it either.
We just got on with it and raised our children ourselves.
extended family visited once a year, so maybe somebody would babysit so me and dh could go out, and it usually tied in with one of our Birthdays, or anniversaries.
We made do, didn't know any different and it wasn't a problem.
Anywhere we couldn't take kids either we went on our own leaving other parent at home, or we didn't go.
part and parcel of having dc, I guess.

I live abroad so zippity shag all help from family usually. However my mum is coming to help out for 3 weeks in the summer as I’m having DD2 - which is a massive thing for us, and I will be hard pressed to let her go back home when the time comes . I’m very lucky my mum wants to come and help out and I’m very very grateful for it.

We just pay for a babysitter. Fortunately we got lucky and found a lovely lady who is free most of the time we need her - she has first aid, can drive, speaks perfect English. I love her and pay her way more than the going rate to keep her coming back!

Other than that - things are more family friendly here so taking Kids out and about is acceptable. My DD1 has been to most of my scans/appointment for DD2, she sits in the corner, eats her snacks and watches peppa pig on my phone . We’ve taken DD1 to F1 races, cinema etc..

Sat here wondering wtf my options are??

Same as anyone else. Pay babysitters, swap childcare with friends, or don't go anywhere without your kid.

As an aside I'm bemused by the amount of posts on here saying things like "We haven't been out as a couple for X months/years/decades as we don't have any family to babysit" as if babysitters weren't an actual thing? What's that all about?

We just got on with it and raised our children ourselves

You meant the exact same way as people who use childcare do?

You take them with you. My kids were like Velcro for five years. If I went anywhere, they came too. No family help as they were too far away and my kids were a bit of a handful so wouldn't want to leave them with anyone else.

Now have a job with zero career progression but I get the holidays and also get paid less so I can finish early to collect kids from school.

Anywhere we couldn't take kids either we went on our own leaving other parent at home, or we didn't go.
part and parcel of having dc, I guess.

TBF, it’s the aspect of not having an “other parent” that makes it particularly tricky for single parents sometimes, especially when the “other parent” is entirely absent.

part and parcel of having dc, I guess

It's not though, cos babysitters.

I've got no family and DH's live in a different country. We've paid for every second of childcare we've ever used.

With dh working away 9months from 12, and family being in another country, the fact that there was no 'other parent' around made it more important to focus on forming friendships with other mum's who would be ale to help in emergencies. I always ended up doing more for others than I asked for myself, but that's the only way ahead if you can't pay and have no family, apart from government assistance.

Not clear on when family have had to look after DC if you are a sahm... Is it the weekly evening meetings you mentioned?

Most ppl take their DC to gp appointments. Why have you cancelled so many?

I work weekends and dp works through the week. But he's just recently gone freelance so I'm going to use my AL for any weekend days he's working. I don't have a 'career' or chance to progress in my current job so I'm waiting until DS turns 3 and then I'll work mornings when he's at nursery. If I went full time I'd make about 1k a month which would leave us with less disposable income than we have with the current set up.

As you're a single parent then you'll have to use a childminder/nursery which is what my friend does who's at a low income job I think it's £30 a day for the cm. she's counting down the days until she can get free hours.

DD now 4 has accompanied me to neurology appointments (my consultant is not only completely lush but lovely with DD too ), blood tests, many many doctors and dentist appointments. I have been out zero times socially. Friends will have dd if need be but i've become pretty self sufficient and have been unable to engage with/attend pain clinic and mental health appointments which have required longer time commitments. Sadly that's life. When i decided to keep the child of a (supposedly infertile) cunt i made my bed and i'll damn well lie in it.