To wonder wtf people do without childcare??!

[StopBeingAGoat]

How the hell do people with 0 childcare options cope in life??

Obviously you can get around some things but there are others that taking your kids along just isn't an option!

What the hell do you do??!

Basically for background, I've found out today that family have an issue with having my dd, apparently it's a problem for them!

So I've decided to stop using them as an option in future.

Sat here wondering wtf my options are??

Child's father isn't on the scene at all, neither is his family. I don't talk to many family members of mine.

I've 0 options.

Ah, sorry, just read the OP. Breakfast club/afterschool not the case. Unfortunately, only childminder or babysitter would work :/

Nothing new to add to the conversation but just wanted to say good luck to you. Sounds like you're going through the wringer a bit at the moment

Many nurseries will do 'one offs' as supported childcare, paid for by social services. Obviously this has to be arranged in advance, but sometimes 'in advance' is a matter of hours.
My nursery recently looked after 2 babies whilst their parents attended a parenting course for 2 hours a week, over a six week period.
In our Local Authority, a health visitor or social worker can apply for supported childcare. We've had 2 siblings for 2 days when their mum had to go into hospital.
I don't know if something like this would help.

It can't be easy for you OP. A couple of ideas, could you contact the local college for child care students to contact, or ask if you can put an ad up? They might be free when you have to go to your three hours in the evening.

Do you know any mums with teens you could ask?

For daytime, for regular breaks, contact Homestart, they can provide a volunteer to help for a couple of hours a week.

You just take them everywhere or you don’t go.

It’s not easy but it gets easier as time goes on.

Nursery, childminder, after school club, babysitter. It take the child/ren with you, however much you’d rather not. DD has been to a funeral and a smear test with me, as well as many haircuts!

Do you have a neighbour who can help out?

Do they ship you to hospital whilst calling police/SS??!
On a similar thread, I explained how I was being sent to hospital from my GP's surgery and I said I couldn't go until I'd collected the children from school. The Doctor said I had to be admitted to hospital and called an ambulance and then social services, so yes they do!

With just one young child I was take them with me.
I have 2yo twins and they've been to all manner of medical appointments with me if I've been let down by child care / it's been unforeseen. Just take things to occupy your DC whilst in their pushchair and food to nibble on.

Sounds like you are going through a hard time. I hope you recover your mental health and your life back. Your child will grow and it won't as hard. Talk to your health visitor and see what support is out there for you and your child. Unfortunately you can't always rely on friends and family even if you have a good relationship with them; people have their own life, problems, commitments. Take little steps to improve one thing at a time. First is to recover your health.

When I was a childcare student I provided free childcare for various families with no childcare, they got the help and I got my practical hours.

It sounds like you are also feeling quite isolated. How about making sure you get out and about to local free creches, to get that all important cup of tea and chat to mums in similar situations, it will seem easier, and networking could give you the opportunity to share babysitting favours with each other for free. Also you say you don't talk to family members much, maybe it is worth rekindling those relationships?

You can still have a babysitter if you're filing for bankruptcy.

I have two children with additional needs and no childcare whatsoever. Their Dad is useless and has now moved permanently to the other side of the world. I don't go out, I don't do anything unless they're with me. I'm used to it now and it's fine. There was nothing to do but accept it and make the best of it.

What exactly is the issue that your family have in looking after your DD?

Look into Homestart - I know a couple of people who volunteer. I think this is what they are for. To support people who are having a hard time & it is a charity with people who help out for free.
www.home-start.org.uk/
Also do what you can to start building up some friendships if you can face it. You can help each other out that way.
Your childrens centre - if you have one - I know money has been cut - might be able to help advise you. I don't think it will be easy for you to just use a nursery/childminder ad hoc.
You might be able to get a local teenager to babysit too - but obviously this would cost.

I also know of a couple of people who got some free childcare hours with my childminder for similar reasons to you - I think something like 10 hours per week. Ask your health visitor about this - you might be eligible for some regular hours each week with a childminder. So might not suit the appt times but would give you a break during the week.

What was actually said today?

This is really sad OP, I would be so hurt if I found out my family felt that way. My DCs are 12 & 10, youngest is autistic and has ADHD and I know they find it hard but they still love having time with them.

Occasionally I think they have a moan, well they do to me about my DB and having DN, who is 5 but a breeze to look after compared to mine, so I am assuming they may do to DB about us but I just say, look if you don't want to/can't have them then please say as I would rather you say than feel irritated by having them. That usually stops DM moaning (she's recently retired and moans more about everything these days!). Do you think this may be similar? Just a random moan but they are generally ok to her your DD?

If it really is an issue I would definitely discuss with your Health visitor, they may know of local options. Also try professional babysitting websites, you can book for the odd few hours for important appointments I imagine.

It must be really hard for you and despite what people on MN say I honestly know very few people who don't have family and friends helping out with their DCs.

Make friends with other lone parents and help each other out.

You take them with you if it's a one off.

Or endure the creepy childcare sites online where you have to pay £25 to be able to send or receive messages from the childcare people in your area the vast majority of whom won't pay the £25 so they can send/receive messages from you (think it's per month but won't go back to check or I'll get liked again as I'll show up as having been on the site & they'll be back on me like a pack of circling sharks)
Who will then start 'liking' your page, or 'favouriting' you, or asking for references when you haven't actually even seen their page, or sending you messages you can't read because if you try to send a message they get an email saying you tried to send them one (just as you get an email every time someone likes/favourites etc... your page) etc....
Most of the people on there say they have DBS checks etc..., but it is not verified & when I did manage to contact any of them only one actually did have any sort of references or proof of DBS checks but she wasn't able to do the day I needed.

At that point I looked at companies where you just go straight for a guaranteed checked/qualified nanny as I wasn't comfortable with the idea of leaving my child with anyone from such as site.

Emergency nannies cost about £20 p.h. if you aren't registered to pay their tax/NI & the minimum booking time is 4 hours.

They appear to only be available Monday to Friday as the companies you can get them through certainly are closed over the weekend.
You can speak to a person on the weekend, but they just email on what you've said & it gets dealt with the next weekday morning.
If you live in London they are probably fantastic but in my city they were unable to find me emergency cover when I enquired on a Thursday about 4 hours cover for the following Monday - job required them to actually be there for less than one hour but they would have been paid for 4.

Obviously if you want regular cover you would not find it so hard, but for one offs, especially emergencies it's a nightmare.

So, pay up if you can find anyone, or take your kid with you.

It’s even harder with no family childcare options and children with special needs that simply won’t cope with most paid for options! I’m fortunate that I can stay home with them but I have no idea what we would do if I needed to work out of the home.

How much were your family looking after your DD, if you were using them a lot could you scale this down to just your appointments while you sort something?

A lone parent I know with MH issues was given free childcare via their health visitor, but it took a while and a lot of persuasion.

Evening session - find a local teenager to sit with baby who I guess will be asleep? Day time appointments if 121 take baby and a couple of toys to amuse him/her. Once she/he gets to 2 check out your local preschool for free 15 hours care.

You can still have a babysitter if you're filing for bankruptcy. Did you miss the bit where the OP explained that she's not working and doesn't have a pot to pee in?