I fat shamed my colleague

[Notmyname2018]

I fat shamed a colleague and I feel bad about it.

She was loudly talking over lunch last week about how she loves being curvy and would much rather be curvey than skinny. I said that I liked being curvy too - she then laughed at me and said you aren’t curvy you’re a ‘skinny thing’. I replied and said I am curvy, I’m a healthy weight, that doesn’t mean I’m not curvy. Curves are about boobs and bum being shapely with a small waist. She then finished her lunch and walked out the lunch room.

To put it in context I’m a size 10, and I work hard in the gym for my curves. She’s a size 18/20 and is constantly eating at her desk, I’d say on average she eats something every 5 minutes (it’s really irritating I admit).

I feel bad because I have upset her but it was a moment of annoyance because she called me a ‘skinny thing’ (in a horrible tone).

Should I apologise or just leave it and try not to engage in this sort of discussion again?

Ps I’ve namechanged.

There is a correlation between shift work and weight.

What about employers taking some responsibility.

But alcohol is addictive, and the majority of people who enjoy alcohol are not addicted. Just because something is addictive does not mean we can't mostly learn to enjoy it without becoming a slave to it.

People don't realise what overweight is anymore. They think they're fine because they're the UK average clothes size or because they're not huge. Doesn't mean they're not overweight. They just enjoy too much food and don't work it off. That's not an eating disorder; it's a bad lifestyle. It's not addiction, it's a bad lifestyle.

@salsmum because she's a miserable twat.
She's fat , and she's unhappy about it ,but she makes herself feel better by not being "as fat as you" .
I bet she's never cold either (put some fucking clothes on) but uses it as an excuse for a pick me up.
Twat.

Ava How do you know its not an addiction. Do you know every overweight person personally.

@Avasarala guess what? Most people that have an alcohol problem deny it is a problem,insist that their consumption is average and normal and there's always Jenny or Max who drinks a lot more.

@HelenaDove

I was a psychologist, I've studied it!

There are addictive foods. I mean, I don't think anyone should buy certain foods foods (like ice cream) - go out for some, don't keep it in the house. I can't keep cherry coke in the house. There are certain foods which can be addictive, but for most people that's not the problem. It's not one food, or one group of foods. It is their general diet.

Portion sizes are huge - that's not to do with addiction; it's just the way society has gone and what you expect. If you served someone the portion size they'd have got in the 60s, they'd ask where the rest of their dinner was.

It's conditioning. Not addiction. Not for the majority.

Just because something is addictive does not mean we can't mostly learn to enjoy it without becoming a slave to it.

Indeed. But you've got to be in the right head space to do that. I drank far too much alcohol when I was depressed. Doesn't mean I was an alcoholic. Probably not as I managed to stop when I was in the right mental place. Although I was very reliant on it as an emotional crutch at the time. But really you have no idea if someone is an alcoholic or not. Alcoholism isn't just about needing a drink to get started in the morning. It takes all different forms.

Ava i have sugary things in my home because DH likes them. In my case i resist them. He likes choc ices jaffa cakes choc digestives

doesnt bother me any more..........its been 16 years since i lost the weight.

@RebelRogue

Did I say there were no alcoholics? No I did not.

I said alchohol is addictive, but most people do not become addicted. About 12% of men are frequent drinks and 7% of women. If the figure was much higher, we'd see it in the medical referrals. About 15% of adults are classes as binge drinkers. Even if you increase these figures, there are still more overweight people.

It is conditioning on portion sizes, lack of awareness of correct nutrition, poor cooking schools, ease of access to convenience food.

The main reason is not addiction.

Loads of overweight people eat way past the point of pleasure in their food. So there must be something else motivating them. You only need to read a few weightloss threads on here to see that. I'm really not sure how we could say confidently that more women are obese due to laziness or greed than due to emotional eating or even things like thyroid disorders and a variety of medication (ironically including those used for depression).
There will be women fitting into all of these categories, but assuming the lazy/greedy/love the taste ones are in the majority seems to serve the purpose of making it easier to condemn them.

@Avasarala and @MaisyPops you do realise your lack of understanding of overeating and obesity is actually contributing to the obesity crisis. All fat shamers do is make fat people feel worse about themselves which then triggers the viscous 'disordered' eating patterns. Fat shaming is not going to help an overweight person lose weight.

I think we can all agree that the increase of processed, high sugared foods, eating habits etc is a major cause to the problem but the resolution for overweight people is not as simple as 'eat less, move more' (which is fat shaming, because it's making it sound like it's simple to achieve. so the fat person feels even worse for not being able to do something that is claimed to be so simple!). I believe in most cases there are psychological elements to it.

@HelenaDove

You've just help prove my point; it's not addiction. You can be around it and not eat and I assume you're not always thinking about it or fighting the urge.

My point of not keeping things in the house is that it's it's simply easier to not make the choice. And would solve a lot of problems for those who eat out of boredom - if they don't have it, then they can't eat it. And it would help people prone to addition from developing it. But addiction is not the main reason.

And shift workers are treated like crap especially if they work nights.

I lost the weight while working nights but where i worked the day shift had a lunch break ...........the night shift had no food break even though the night shift was longer. I had to approach the supervisor who had to ask for all us night staff to come to a meeting to actually negotiate a chance to eat . I had just joined SW at the time and was bloody paying for it so wanted it to work. It got sorted but how many shift workers could/would stick their necks out now due to fear of losing their jobs.

There is no respect or leeway for night workers One of the SW members in my class left because she could never get a break so she could eat and follow the plan properly Or eat at all.

She was a theatre nurse in the NHS!

i dont really think about it anymore Ava..........its been a long time.

@Panda81

Actually, one major thing I found when questioning people was the repeated thought of "I'm about the same as everyone else, so don't feel the need to do anything". Because their friends are heavier, their family are heavier, the general population is heavier... There's no motivation to work it off because it's normal.

What's needed is education. We can't be scared of saying something. We need to say thing, and educate. From a young age and in a positive way. So, positivity around food - what's great, what it does for your body etc. And then moderation with others; not telling people "never eat this". But it needs to be part of the education to change an entire cultures view that "being a bit chubby is totally normal".

Has anyone mentioned the diet industry yet? Which has a vested interest in yo-yo dieting rather than sensible eating. I am convinced that dieting from a young age (when I certainly didn't need to, looking back) led to fucked up eating habits. I can be just as focused on logging calories and gym visits as I ever am on eating, it's just a swinging pendulum.

Prancing Weight Watchers got their arse handed to them on a plate a little while back...............they were offering teenagers FREE membership.

Then there is the pushing of aspartame.

'Dieting' is a waste of time. As soon as you hit your target, you go back to normal and it all piles back on.

Eat anything you like, just fit it into the correct amount of calories. Plan, be careful. It's a total change to how we look at food as a society.

@Avasarala who are you questioning? You're making it sound like most overweight people don't want to do anything about it because it's been normalised but I find it's the opposite. Most overweight people I know aren't happy with it and do want to do something about it, and probably know how to do it, but find it very, very difficult. I find it very hard to believe that most overweight people are happy with it and don't want to do anything about it.

It doesn't mean I think that we should pretend it's ok to be overweight and not educate etc but I think there definitely needs to be more acknowledgement and understanding how difficult it is for many people to lose weight and learn to have a positive relationship with food. The 'eat less, move more' comments are minimising and shaming the difficulty in achieving a healthy weight loss.

www.buzzfeed.com/shannonrosenberg/weight-watchers-free-membership-teenagers?utm_term=.ciJQw74NV#.kk9632X8r

I’ve been following this post since yesterday, haven’t yet commented. I’ve just finished a 9hr shift at work, I actually mentioned this post to a colleague tonight. She’s a slim size 10 and I’m a chunky size 16, I’ve always been fat since a kid I think I’m pretty much used to it now. I asked her what her opinion would be if this exchange happened between us to which she said she wouldn’t be insulted if I called her skinny she would find it a compliment, and she said she would actually rather me refer to myself as curvy instead of fat as I always do if we are ever on the subject of weight or clothes shopping etc. She sees me actually calling myself fat as me putting myself down and that appearances are only one part of a person and she would never fat shame me as I’m a lovely bubbly person, (not that she would ever get the chance as I’m honest with myself about what I look like) I was pretty touched by her comment. I don’t sugar coat it I am what I am, am I happy about it? Not all of the time, do I struggle with dieting and motivation? Yes I do, Do I know why? No not really. I have no excuses, I struggle with my weight but it doesn’t make me miserable about myself nor proud. I’m in the middle, and when she says I’m a lovely person she’s totally right I am, so I at least have that going for me. I think people have their own lives and do things their way, we might not always agree with other people’s lifestyles or choices but who are we to judge? I’m just super glad that on this occasion my appearance has been looked past to see the good in me😊 and who doesn’t like a compliment?!!

Panda81
What do you mean ' not ok to be overweight'
Who says?
It is a free country ,People have the right to be fat /thin whatever.That is ok , they do not need yours or anyone else's approval.

To all the people saying "just eat less and move more" you do realise that there is a huge difference in the actuality of having to do that when you have a few pounds to lose, as opposed to when you have a great deal to lose? It's NOT as easy, for lots of reasons! I say that as someone who has done it in the past and lost 80 lbs.

It is hard for fat people to become normal weighted, as it has become a habit. However it is not impossible and eat less (and healthier) and move more is the solution.

What is not the solution is accepting fat as the new normal. If you are a normal height woman and size 14, you are overweight; size 18, you are fat. For a normal height man, a size 34-36 waist is overweight, a size 38 upwards waist is fat.

Morally judging a fat person is wrong as it is a medical/psychiatric issue and says nothing about them as a person. However using the correct adjective (overweight or fat) is not shaming and far better than some euphemism pretending that the condition is not there.

Some fat people are genuinely happy with their weight, the vast majority would like to be slimmer. The health risks of continued obesity are well known, as are the costs to the individual and society.

In the OP’s case she simply told the truth to someone who decided to have a go at her.

@5plusMeAndHim you're twisting my words and taken it out of context. My post was in response to a PP about normalisation .

I said It doesn't mean I think that we should pretend it's ok to be overweight and not educate etc
.... as in normalise being overweight as if it's healthy and not recognise that there can be implications. That's not me disapproving of people being overweight or struggling to lose weight like many others on here.