Just told my 5 month old to fuck off

[notgotthis]

I feel like the absolute worst mum in the world. I'm at the end of my rope, I have a nightmare 2 year old and a 5 month old who won't nap and fights sleep all night too.

I just feel like I'm drowning and I can't do it any longer.
Making lunch for ds1, ds2 screaming because he's overtired, trying to do the dishes and put a wash on and I just snapped and shouted at him to fuck off. I'm not fit to be a mother.

You are just tired, it's not the end of the world. Can you get a break somehow?

Are you on your own OP? You're not a bad mother.

im not fit to be a mother

In the best way, get a grip.

I’m sure most of us have told our kids to fuck off at some point. He’s 5 months old. He can understand you.

He’s 5 months old, you’re exhausted. He won’t remember it or have any concept of what you’ve said.
I’m sure 99.9% of mothers have felt the same way at some point.
I remember once making a cup of tea and sitting in the garden whilst DD (about 6mo at the time) screamed because I couldn’t cope.
I had 5 mins to myself to calm down, have a little cry and compose myself. When I went back in she was still crying but I no longer had the urge to throw her out of the window.
If you can (and it’s safe to do so) then do the same. Step outside for a minute and take a deep breath.
It won’t be this hard forever

Cant*

Can you scrape to get any sort of childcare? Is there someone you know who you can ask for help?

Even finding like minded mum's who can commiserate with a cup of tea in soft play is good.

No, please don't worry. Your kids won't remember and you clearly need a break! I was insane with sleep deprivation by the time my son was 5 months. Is there anyway you can get a break at all?

Nope, your human.

You do need a bit of a break though/help to get you through this shit period.

Take a breath.

Leave the washing and washing up.

Give them a hug, see what they need first, once they are calm and sorted, think about housework, but not before.

......and look for 'Go the fuck to sleep' on You Tube.....

Oh god OP, don't be so hard on yourself. You sound like you are up to your eyes in it.

I feel like telling my 9yo to fuck off sometimes and in fact, had this exact conversation with my sister and she felt better that sometimes, we all feel like tgis.

5mo will not remember at all.

Be kinder to yourself. Fuck the dishes off for now.

Oh OP, sounds like you're going through a really tough time . It will get better, it really will.

Is there anybody who could come over and give you some support? Take the baby out for a walk or wear them in a sling for you? I found an automatic baby swing was really useful when my ds was a similar age to lull him to sleep (he was a nap fighter too and it was really hard, without a toddler to entertain).

Be kind to yourself. Things like the dishes and the housework can wait.

Your baby wont remember or understand what you said so try and forgive yourself. Beating yourself up won't help at all.

Unmumsnetty hugs x

most parents if they are honest will have done something similar at some point.

sometimes there is no way to release the frustration and powerlessness you can sometimes feel with small children who are too little to be reasoned with.

Are you on your own with them today?

When DD was a small baby one night she just wouldn't settle. I didn't want to wake DP as he was working the next day and I ended up shouting at her to "go to fucking sleep" I then ended up crying but all was forgotten in the morning.

Your DH can do the washing and dishes later.

You deal with the children and yourself. Everything else is optional.

Everyone does something like this at about this stage. You are a normal mother not a bad mother.

Concentrate on being a mother instead of trying to be both a perfect housewife and a mother.

We’ve all reached the end of our teather OP at some point.

When you’re there, put them in a safe spot like their cot. Shut the door as go and have a breather for 5-10 minutes. Yes they will cry but it gives you a chance to regain your sanity and control.

Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Have you contacted Homestart locally to see if a volunteer is available? They could give you some of the emotional support you need. Maybe even give you a chance to nap!

We’ve all been there. I agree with op 5 mins to yourself as long as they’re not in harms way will not hurt them one bit even if they are crying.
Can you get out after lunch for some fresh air with the pram? Might not make them sleep but a change of scene sometimes helps.
Oh and sod the washing/washing up it can wait until tomorrow.

Crikey op, you're far from being the first! I remember leaving dc1 screaming her head off and walking down to my neighbour's for 20 minutes quite simply because I was a zombie from lack of sleep. She would sleep for 20 minutes and be awake for 3 hours throughout the day and night unless she was in the car. I would drive around in the middle of the night until she fell asleep, speed home, leaving her in the car under our bedroom window and hope to sleep before she woke up again. DH was worse than useless, he didn't 'do' babies apparently....

Little did I know she wouldn't sleep through the night until she was 2 😱😖😢

Dc2 was a doddle, I had to wake him to feed him!

You sound completely overwhelmed and in need of a break. I know how hard a non sleeper is. Mine had to be cuddled or carried or fed all the time to avoid crying. The good news is he's now 19 and can sleep for England. I'm convinced he's making up for the first 5 years where he never slept through the night!

I remember my friends mum telling me that her way of dealing with my friend (who was a screaming non sleeper) was to put her in her pram, make sure she was warm and comfortable. Then wheel her to the end of their 150ft garden and leave her there, walk back to the house, do a few jobs thrn have a cup of tea and a sit down, enjoy the peace and quiet and go back an hour or 2 later...! Now this was the 1970s, times have changed etc and I'm not advocating you do this! but when she told me that story it made me feel better about leaving him to cry occasionally while muttering shut up under my breath.

We're all human.

I’ve screamed a lot worse. I’m not proud but when things are tough and you get overwhelmed sometimes can the best of us can lose it. I wouldn’t worry becaus she isn’t old enough to understand. For what it’s worth, I have screamed at my child when she was two to just die then. I will give the reason why I said it so I don’t look like a nut case. I said it because I couldn’t get her tube down and there were no nurses available that day and I couldn’t afford to get to the hospital. I also had our three year old moaning and had an argument with the other half. After trying for ages I gave up and screamed at her to just die then because I couldn’t get her milk into her. Oh god I regretted it but I left he room and calmed down before trying again. I felt awful but in the grand scheme of things it was a drop in the ocean. Things have improved by focusing on housework when they are happy even if it means forgoing a bit of rest lol. You’ll be fine and I just wanted to show that what you said wasn’t that bad.

You are an amazing mother. The fact you have kept going until they have brought you to breaking point shows this.
Pretty sure it is more unusual to not say that at some point!

Key is to see this as a warning sign that you need a bit of a break, and find some ways to carve out a tiny bit of time for yourself

OP,
Most of us have been there at some point, be kind to yourself.

Your not a bad mother, I have shouted many times, a five month old won’t understand that you swore. We all snap when we are tired. Lack of sleep is the worst part of having kids

We’ve all had moments like that.

Make sure dc are safe and go for a breather. Even ten mins in the garden, slow and deep breaths until you feel better.

Sod the washing up and washing, go and put a film on for the dc and rest. Lie down and just close your eyes.

You are overtired, over stressed and over wrought. Every parent in the world gets to the end of their rope.