Just told my 5 month old to fuck off

[notgotthis]

I feel like the absolute worst mum in the world. I'm at the end of my rope, I have a nightmare 2 year old and a 5 month old who won't nap and fights sleep all night too.

I just feel like I'm drowning and I can't do it any longer.
Making lunch for ds1, ds2 screaming because he's overtired, trying to do the dishes and put a wash on and I just snapped and shouted at him to fuck off. I'm not fit to be a mother.

OP,
Have you actually asked the in laws to help, or are you assuming they don't want to help ?

If you haven't asked, and you get on with them......ask them to look after DC for a few hours while you sleep.

DH was worse than useless, he didn't 'do' babies apparently....

What sort of useless bullshit is this?

im not fit to be a mother

*In the best way, get a grip.

I’m sure most of us have told our kids to fuck off at some point. He’s 5 months old. He can understand you.*

This. You may well flick the bird behind their backs and mumble "wanker" in uears to come

You had an out of character moment,and snapped.not great but not likely to cause lasting damage
If this swearing was your normal behaviour it’d be a problem but it’s not so it’s indicative of a problem.theres a difference
What I’m saying is you had a bad day,the cumulative effects of feeling loss of identity, busy, repetitive tasks it all took its emotional tool and you snapped

So,yes reflect and think not my finest moment but don’t dwell or become preoccupied

Loss of identity, what can you do to feel more like yourself
What do you like,what’s your thing?reading?cooking?hair mask and internet?netflix
Do you want to study, pursue an interest <a class="break-all" href="//twww.open.edu/openlearn/about-openlearn/study" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">the open uni has free courses
Get some time to do something for yourself

And most of all take care x

I'm sure most of us have been there, no harm will have come to your baby so don't beat yourself up.

I think you should put baby down somewhere safe and have a little time out with ds1, have some fun and laugh with him. You may just find that is enough to calm your baby and hearing laughter and fun may just settle baby off. If not you will be refreshed and ds1 will have had some Mummy time then sit and cuddle your baby.

Where was that book when mine were little? Literally crying with laughter while listening to it and remembering the night time struggles!

Oh yes my ds1 didn't sleep but now as a teenager is more than catching up

I've spent the entire holiday mentally telling my children to fuck off and sticking my fingers up at them when they turn around

You told the five month old who last I checked does not speak english to fuck off. I mean it's not ideal, but you're not Mary fucking Poppins either, so 'not ideal' is what you have to work with.

Oh and I have very defintely sang"oh just go the fuck to sleep my darling" to the tune of Rock a Bye to a crying baby.

It's just fucking hard.

I once (probably more than once tbf) shouted For Fucks Sake really loudly in the street when DD was doing that arched back/going rigid thing as I tried to strap her in the buggy outside toddler group.

In the end I stopped strapping her in as it wasn't worth the effort (she was just under 2 and loved her buggy but hated the straps 😳😳

5 months is a shit age. Mine didn't sleep at all (or at least it felt that way!) and cried constantly. It will pass!!

You’re not a bad Mum, you’re human - the stage you’re at is so, so hard. It gets better!! Promise!

Your OH however sounds like a shit dad. He needs to step up. Waste of space.

You're human like the rest of us. The point is you know that shouting & swearing isn't the kind of Mum you usually are or want to be and you feel sorry it happened. It's the people who think that kind of behaviour is completely acceptable who need to have a good think about things.

I bet most of us have either been there or been close to it. When one of my boys was about a year old he was refusing to eat so I tried to feed him from a spoon and he wouldn't open his mouth. I tried to force the spoon in screaming 'just fucking eat it' in his face. He cried. I cried. I felt like the worst woman on the planet.

He doesn't remember and it didn't happen again. Be kind to yourself.

I had two with a 2 year gap with DH and I working opposite nursing shifts. The first year was absolute hell and DS watched lots and lots of Tv. After a year it all improves immensely. Both of mine have grown up just fine, they're both at Uni now and we have great relationships. Be kind to yourself.

You arent the first and wont be tge last. In my sleep deprived state ive said shut up and fuck off and wanted to throw the baby out the window. The latter i cried a lot at.

There is a reason that sleep deprivation and screaming baby noises are used as forms of torture in the SAS.

Talk to your health visitor. Your husband needs to step up, big time. Try not to beat yourself up and take things hour by hour.

I’ve been there too OP. Don’t beat yourself up, you do need more support from your partner though. His weekends are different now he has children, and when do you ever get a break?

I once told my toddler to fucking go to sleep and I wished I’d never had him I’d been housebound alone with him snowed in for a week and he was playing up something rotten at bedtime and I was totally wrung out and had nothing left in the tank. I immediately felt utterly awful (and still do) - just writing it again makes me want I cry. I adore him though and I don’t think he will remember.

More generally, if i ever lose my rag I make a point of apologising and explaining in a toddler-appropriate way afterwards - ‘mummy was feeling very tired and cross but she shouldn’t have shouted at you because that’s not very kind’ etc etc. We ALL have these moments, small children are bloody hard! All we can do it try not to do it again

Ive done worse believe me in a fog of post natal depression (i didn't know it and lost it more than once and am so ashamed of myself) and suffering a bereavement just before my 2nd. Lack of sleep and thats it, I've snapped. Ive taught myself to either drop what I'm doing and spend time with them to resolve the whinge or to make secure they are secure and take 5 minutes (normally in the shower whilst the big one watched our tablet and the little one watches peppa pig on my phone whilst in her cot) to escape.
Its SO HARD being a mum. You just need like you need some time out.

PS. Your DH needs to grow a pair or perhaps one day hell find that you don't 'do' husbands!

Everyone finds parenting hard sometimes but everyone does not shout and swear at their children, even as a one off. Imagine if your partner or your boss shouted and swore like that at you - you'd feel it was abusive. Use this as a learning experience and don't do it again - it's appallingly damaging to be sworn and shouted at, whether as a child or an adult.

@notgotthis

You're neither useless nor a terrible mother. You're tired and stressed out, you've got tiny people clinging to you all day long and probably don't get a minute to yourself.

Kids are selfish arseholes. See, there, I said it. They have to be, it's in the job description, they don't know any better and they're not doing it on purpose. Doesn't change the fact that for me this was true. In my head that's what I call my kids when they drive me nuts - arseholes. Maybe in English this is the wrong word to say, but in my native language it sounds right. I did say fuck off to my kids when they were too little to understand. It's scientific fact that swearing can help you cope (and if the kids can't understand you it's not a problem. Just got to stop before they do). And there's a reason why sleep deprivation is an effective method of torture.

My oldest didn't sleep through the night until he was four, my middle one started the terrible twos at age eleven months. I'm not sure I was entirely sane for any of those years. I had to teach DH to get involved (he didn't do nights, or anything really) but you probably can't embark on a re-education program while you're this stressed.

How weird, I posted on a thread on here that I sometimes shout at my older kids and was told I needed parenting classes! Yet everyone is saying it's normal to shout at a baby? Hmmm mumsnet is weird.

If the OP regularly shouted at her children then parenting classes would undoubtedly be a good idea but that does not appear to be the case. She is relatively recently post natal, chronically sleep deprived, completely unsupported and has lost her temper on one occasion. People are offering support and advice on how to not get quite so bad. Its really not the same thing.

I don't regularly shout at my kids I said sometimes. But shouting and swearing at a baby is ok? And many people are saying they use to do it. If you can shout and swear at a baby I imagine you will be shouting and swearing a lot more when they get older and become more difficult.

The difference pretty is that you can reason with an older child to an extent and they understand what you are saying. 5 month olds don't.

You made me lol... I frequently tell my kids to fuck off (under my breath of course)
They can be fucking irritating, ungrateful, demanding assholes and it's usually a one way street!
Some rest will do you the world of good. Have you got someone who can help you for a few hours?

It’s about context and frequency op said she doesn’t usually shout.its out of norm
Hence advice given was based in fact this was a unusual event
Had op said it’s regular occurrence the advice would be markedly different