Just told my 5 month old to fuck off

[notgotthis]

I feel like the absolute worst mum in the world. I'm at the end of my rope, I have a nightmare 2 year old and a 5 month old who won't nap and fights sleep all night too.

I just feel like I'm drowning and I can't do it any longer.
Making lunch for ds1, ds2 screaming because he's overtired, trying to do the dishes and put a wash on and I just snapped and shouted at him to fuck off. I'm not fit to be a mother.

Pepperpot99 - I didn't say she did. I suggested she asked someone to help her. Please point to the hyperbole in my post. Are you the thread police deciding who can and can't make points on AIBU?
I said that if a man ( ( referring to a previous thread) had told his child to fuck off the response on MN would be very different.

PS *two small kids

and fuck the dishes and the washing

My OH is at work but I'm glad as its more stressful when he's here. He's no help with the baby at all.

Well, that needs to change. He helped make them, he should be helping to look after them.

its days like the one you are having today where I extremely rarely sacrifice a loo roll or something and allow DD to destroy it. Just to keep her busy.

That or pull all of the sofas apart and have 'soft play' while I have a cup of tea.

If its a nice day with you could you go outside for a bit? Baby might nap in the pram and DS could burn off some steam?

A lot wont be on at the moment because its Easter but what about trying to get to a playgroup or something in the new term and meet some more local people.

It happens.

You should hear what I'd love to say to my screeching demon of a 2 year old right now, OP.

It's tiredness, mental exhaustion, and the way they are designed to find and pull on every single nerve you have... it's all too much sometimes!

Why is your DH useless with the baby? He should be supporting you at this stage

You're not a bad mum.

It is really normal to feel like this. Having a toddler and a baby is hard work - first 12 months is hell bit I promise you it is awesome as they grow older and are close. I swore a lot and cried a lot as did plenty of other mums of 2 small ones that I knew.

It is worth the pain of the initial 2 years.

Anyhoo. What coping strategies do you have? It could be a simple as sticking some great pop music on and lifting your mood as you dance around the kitchen! It could be putting the kids in a safe place - travel cot and taking 5 mins to breathe. Or strapping them into a double buggy and going for a walk where the noise of the outdoors can block out their moaning! (TIC). Have a chat with your health visitor about other things to do. ATB - you are not a bad mum - you are normal.

I was once up all night with my 3 month old first precious born. I got approximately 45 mins sleep. My ex got himself showered, made a show of waking me and asking if he looked okay in his clothes and then proceeded to go out of the room when my lovely girl woke up. I kicked her cot gently and asked her to shut up and give mum some sleep. My ex immediately walked back in and told me I was an abusive mum.

I should have left him then.

You aren't the worst mother in the world. I'm sure a typical 2yo would make even Ghandi feel like jumping off a cliff.
You need to have serious words with your H. The road you're on now only leads to resentment.

Honestly I have never shouted at or sworn at my children BUT I absolutely 100% sacked off the other bollocks you seem to be doing as well as caring for yours. Leave the washing up, the laundry etc- let your dh do that (if he's rubbish with the baby he might as well make himself useful in other ways). Play with your older child during the baby's nap times rather than doing chores.

I remember feeling so sad for my eldest daughter because she had been an only child and now had to share me but she absolutely loves her little sister now, they play together really well and will hopefully always be there for each other. Your oldest child perhaps is missing out on time with you but he has gained a brother!

YANBU

Your children will always love you. xx

Ah bless you Sleep deprivation and screaming babies drive you to the end of your tether. Wait til, they're teens, I spend most of my life muttering 'for fucks sake!!'

Big, big deep breath. I'm in a similar spot to you with the ages of my kids. Are you bottle feeding or breastfeeding? Is there a little job you could give your 2y/o to do to "help" you feed the baby? Even just sing to baby to make him happy? Will the baby put up with being worn in a sling/carrier so you can take the youngest for a stroll somewhere fun? Or so you can sit down at the table and colour with him?

Has the baby always had difficulty sleeping or could it be the tail end of a sleep regression?

Have you got a sling? They are helpful when trying to juggle a baby and toddler. My dd's are my world but I've lost my patience with both of them. It doesn't make you a bad mum. You are overwhelmed. Put a dvd/kids channel on, sit on the floor with both kids and play. Leave everything else.

Certainly not the worst parent ever!!

I was in my bedroom folding up washing and putting some it away the other day, for a change the sun was out!! So had the windows open..
The bloke across the road was out the front with a couple of friends and his approx 4 yr old daughter, she was asking him questions as a 4yr old does.
She must have asked one to many, next thing I hear is him telling her to fuck off
Neither of the other adults said a thing

Certainly not the worst parent ever!!

I was in my bedroom folding up washing and putting some it away the other day, for a change the sun was out!! So had the windows open..
The bloke across the road was out the front with a couple of friends and his approx 4 yr old daughter, she was asking him questions as a 4yr old does.
She must have asked one to many, next thing I hear is him telling her to fuck off
Neither of the other adults said a thing

Sleep deprivation is the worst! There's times with mine I just want to scream and I only have one. Don't beat yourself up. A moment of frustration is normal and doesn't make you a bad parent. Maybe see if someone can give you a rest for a hour or so. Sending

You're not a bad Mum.

You're tired and stressed. Better a verbal rant than anything else.

I just wouldn't say it to the 2yo as they have a horrid habit of repeating everything you wish they wouldn't

If you have a baby who fights sleep, sometimes all you can do for your sanity is put them safely in their cot and close the door on them for a little while. It won't hurt them unless they're the type who will make themselves sick from crying, and it'll give you time to regain your equilibrium. If you're really lucky the baby will settle and go to sleep for a bit as well.

My DC2 used to fight sleep, and it took us until she was seven months old to realise she actually needed to cry to settle to sleep, the tone of her crying would change if we left her for a bit and she would then go to sleep. Max that it took was, I think, 25 minutes. If she was still crying after that then there was something wrong, eg dirty nappy, but we had to wait until after that time before going back into her otherwise it was a case of hitting a reset switch and she had to start the settling all over again. Leaving a baby to cry the way she did went completely against the grain, we sort of discovered this trait by accident.

It’s bloody hard looking after young children and that’s even without the sleep deprivation that makes things a whole lot worse. Please forgive yourself on this one. If this is the first time you’ve said something like that to your 5 month old and with a 2 year old in tow then I think you’ve done remarkably well. I think my first fuck off was about 3 months in. I’m not proud of it but it was a necessary release. I was given a great piece of advice by a friend about how to deal with a crying baby. When things start getting stressful and you feel that you could blow then put two doors between you and the baby. I recall often leaving my baby in the kitchen in his pram or other safe seat then closing the door whilst i hid in the downstairs toilet. Obviously I made sure he would not be able to come to any harm there on his own and it was only for a couple of minutes at most but those Two minutes saved my bacon on many a time. I’d have a cry, dry my tears off then have the calmness to face the music again. 💐

You are absolutely not a bad mum, but you are tired & you are being a martyr.

Get used to asking for help. I wish I had. If you don't, your mental health will suffer.

Phone for help, right now,. Get ILs to look after the kids. Have a bath & a sleep.

If I was your MIL, I'd be only too happy to come to the rescue. Give them a chance to help you.

Oh god. Been there done that. Will the baby sleep anywhere? If they will nap in the car can you give DC1 a 'mega super treat' of a McDonalds drive through dinner? Fast and no washing up required. If they will nap in the sling or pram, go for a walk. Feed the ducks, buy the older child a small treat. Fuck the washing.

This feels horrible and relentless but it is the very hard early stages. Soon the younger one will need fewer naps and will be able to play with the older. Soon late spring and summer will be here, and you can fill the paddling pool for the older and have picnic lunches and let the baby sleep, or not sleep, in the pram. This shitty fucking weather doesn't help.

If parents haven't actually said the words, I'm sure many have had such thoughts, when sleep deprived and at the end of their patience.

Don't feel bad, I would look at your support structure, don't be scared to ask for help.

Btw these things, if you don't already have them, make fantastic treats for toddlers as they amuse them for ages but best of all make no mess whatsover, and the water magic ones fade so when the child has finished they can start all over again. Terrific for buying you a few precious minutes.

No help with the baby? It's not called helping. It's called being a parent. Time to learn.
You're not the only one. I have hidden in the toilet (the room. Not crawled into the cistern!) or stood and cried alone in the kitchen. Being a parent is fucking exhausting and small people can be fucking hard work. We have all been there. It doesn't make you a bad mum.