Just told my 5 month old to fuck off

[notgotthis]

I feel like the absolute worst mum in the world. I'm at the end of my rope, I have a nightmare 2 year old and a 5 month old who won't nap and fights sleep all night too.

I just feel like I'm drowning and I can't do it any longer.
Making lunch for ds1, ds2 screaming because he's overtired, trying to do the dishes and put a wash on and I just snapped and shouted at him to fuck off. I'm not fit to be a mother.

Im always muttering swear words at my 2 year old (the 3 month old is a bloody dream so he just gets my adoration).

The 2 year old is generally lush but is only just starting to talk now and gets very frustrated when i have no idea what he is wanting at times... usually something so bloody random that i couldn't guess using context (eg the iron... he bloody loves watching me iron.. ironic given its happened about 3 times in his life!).

Op dont worry, you are human... toddlers and babies are knackering on their own... combined and it's exhausting at times! I find getting out to playgroups/playdates and softplays all helps me survive! And a large wine at bedtime!

Everyone’s been there...

I had three under three and there were times when I just left them all screaming and shut myself in a different room to cry myself. It was so, so difficult.

You are not alone and I know it’s annoying when people say it but it honestly doesn’t last forever and does get easier .

Loads of my friends have done this ( were all pretty honest with each other) I once put my baby down really roughly in the cot. Not a throw as such but it was not a gentle placement and it was full of anger (terrible sleeper) I don't think he even noticed but I was distraught and practically felt like a child abuser! Cried my eyes out, apologised to him a million times and slept with him on me again for ages to compensate 🙄 I also once totally lost it with him when he was about two over losing my keys. Windows were open and I felt for sure social services would no coming to arrest me for my extreme shouting.. they never did, were all still alive and I'm probably now one of the least stressy / shouty parents I know. These things happen. Kids drive you to the brink of insanity x

Reading this you whilst holding DGS on the rocking chair for the second time tonight - whilst DD2 (6) has a strop in her room protesting sleep as she's hungry because she refused her dinner. The dining room looks like a laundry bomb has gone off and there is half made soup in the kitchen and half the grocery shopping to be put away. DD1 (DGS's mum) is at the hospital really not well and DH is with her so i have to just get on with it. I feel as frustrated as you. It's normal I'm sure and most of us have and are going through it.

What I'm saying is you are normal, human, exhausted and by no means a bad mum x x hang in there

Op, honestly if every parent didn’t occasionally slip up and tell their kids to fuck off or flip the bird at them behind their backs when we’re fucked to the brim with it than this would never have been penned .....

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Udj-o2m39NA

Please don't be too hard on yourself.

If it helps, you're no alone.

I mutter profanities under my breath most days.

DD is autistic, it can be hard.

Please! There is a meme on fb saying if you haven't mouthed fuck off to your child at one point you're not a parent. Obviously some parents don't! But some of us do

Don't feel bad. if you ever feel this stressed, put baby somewhere safe e. g cot and walk out the room. Put toddler in front of tv and just spend 5/10 mins just deep breathing etc. Told to me by my health visitor. If possible, just stuff the chores, get your kids and yourself out for some fresh air. Babies get over tired and i found this helped. I destressed, elder 1 lost some energy and baby finally slept.

Have you tried a sling? That way you still have hands free to play with your other child or make lunch etc?
Being sleep deprived is absolute torture and something we have all experienced, it’s soul destroying. I found it so hard to deal with I just felt lonely but it does get better, I had to sleep train after nights of being woken or havin to get out of bed every 30 mins throughout the night! I’m sure I swore at my babies too - we don’t mean it, it’s sheer tiredness!
I have seen slings work miracles for some women!
Don’t be hard on yourself

Nobingstealingisbad1 I'm one of those a sling worked wonders for. Tried it with DCs 1 and 2, complete disaster. I have back problems and the slings were all rubbish - either for me or baby. DC3 would not be put down though. Ever. Probably the only way to ensure any attention as I was stressed beyond belief, living abroad, zero help, DH working all hours.

In my desparation I bought a sling made from just yards of t-shirt fabric that you tie around yourself and which distributed the weight evenly across my shoulders and back. It was bliss. I had my hands free again, I even learned to nurse DC in the sling while walking around (although I can barely believe it now).

OP every parent I know has muttered a swear or two at their DC from time to time. You're human and you're exhausted, it's fine to fuck up occasionally.

The important thing is that you recognise that you're struggling; don't push it aside and tell everyone "I'm fine", ask for help.

He doesn’t understand you

Hope you had a rest and if you didn’t - sorry

CharleyParley
Yes that is exactly the type of sling I was thinking about, a material one as they look comfy and flexible.
I didn’t use a sling with mine but they have always been quite independent (except for now of course )
I think they can be a life saver when you have a clingy baby!
Op I hope you managed some rest - have you tried white noise too? My ds2 loves his MyHummy white noise toy

Hi I did manage some rest thank you all, I've got a rotten cold though and I think I've passed it to ds2 now so today should be fun!

Currently in the bath just leaving OH to it, and I managed to not ask if it was ok if I had a bath before he gets ready for work. Proud.

I have a baby ergo which I use our and about but I will try to use it more I the house too, he seems to wake as soon as I sit down though.

I've tried white noise it doesn't really work, I have to be there I bed with him or he won't sleep. I've looked at my hummy, hesitant as its an expensive thing if it doesn't work, would you recommend? Maybe he would like to cuddle that instead of me m.

I used to put the tumble dryer on even if there was no washing to dry and swaddle DD, well DH did it much better than me.

He's five months old so you truly haven't done any damage. He doesn't know. Please don't beat yourself up!

You aren't a bad mother. You really, really aren't. You're a normal woman under a huge amount of stress and pressure.

Is there anyone who can help you and allow you to get some rest? A friend / partner / parent / homestart volunteer?

Be kind to yourself - you're just human, and you're doing great!

I still do the tumble dryer trick and my youngest is 3... I learned about it when my first daughter cried all night with colic, the noise soothed her to sleep -and gave my ears a break from her piercing cries.
It still works when they are all having a squabbly whiny shouty day as it drowns out most of the noise- bliss 😉
I also have a lot of washing to dry on a weekend when DH driving me nuts with his constant ranting

If it makes you feel any better I called my DD a cunt once. She was too young to understand, obviously, but she really was being an arsehole.

You’re not a bad mum. We’ve all been there, most just don’t admit to it. Forget the washing up OP relax with the kids and do it when they’re busy later / asleep.

I have a baby ergo which I use our and about but I will try to use it more I the house too, he seems to wake as soon as I sit down though.
And there was me thinking my DD was the only baby with a built-in altimeter.

How I wish MN existed when mine were babies. They are now young adults which is a totally different ball game.