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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH shouted at potential home buyer

179 replies

Noseyhouseviewers · 08/04/2018 12:05

A man came to view our house today and whilst showing him the master bedroom, he opened up my wardrobe and had a peep in.

I felt a bit uncomfortable but I'm desperate to sell so was gonna let it slide. Cue DH asking him 'what the hell did he think he was doing?' and 'what weirdo snoops through someone's wardrobe?' The man said he was gauging how much space there was but DH snapped back that 'the wardrobe doesnt come with the house'.

The man left abruptly.

We had an argument after, I thought DH could have politely asked him to not look in the wardrobe but DH said the atmosphere would turn sour no matter what was said to challenge the guy, hence he didn't hold back.

He also said I was willing to sacrifice my dignity to sell the house and should have more self respect which I found hurtful.

Who was BU, and WWYD in that situation?

OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 08/04/2018 13:29

No, Whale I was actually all prepared to tell the EA where to go but I didn't in the end because the people made an offer and eventually bought the house.

I actually don't think that the floorboards went right through the living room anyway, so they were the ones left with a slightly wonky carpet. The carpet was only about 18 month old as well. Yes, I wasn't best pleased.

Ruffian · 08/04/2018 13:30

YANBU, way too rude from your DH - did he really call him a weirdo?? Shock

The man might just be a nosy time-waster but might also be a serious buyer. People get into a different mindset when they are looking at properties, they aren't thinking about your home, they're trying to visualise what they would do.

elfycat · 08/04/2018 13:34

I wonder if your DH picked up on a vibe you didn't. Sometimes when you get that immediate dislike for someone with no reason, and then they do something odd no one ever opened drawer to freestanding furniture when our house was for sale and your hunch ramps up to 'RED FLAG; RED FLAG' and you still don't know why.

If its unusual have a debrief about how to treat potential buyers. If it's not unusual another conversation is in order. If he was unsettled he needs to consider other ways to address it, or he might conclude that there was something wrong and you need to accept that.

DH is a very mild man most of the time and the one time he was riled up was over a man talking to me. Normally he has zero jealousy / issues with that so I paid attention even though he was being a pissed-arsehole. I stopped talking to the man, and someone spotted him spiking another girl's drink later that evening. As a group we were watching him to work out what DH was on about and we warned her/ the bar staff. Maybe, maybe something like this was going on?

IF not you will have to LTB, it's the MN rule Wink

CatkinToadflax · 08/04/2018 13:40

We sold a few years ago to someone who decided to look in our freezer (!) and managed to rip the freezer door off whilst doing so. And then put in a low offer "because the freezer door is broken"!!!! Confused We were so desperate to sell that we just went with her offer. And left her to fix the freezer herself!

user1andonly · 08/04/2018 13:41

We have those big Ikea wardrobes and I can see how someone could be mistaken in thinking it was fitted. However, if I was viewing, I would ask the owners if it was ok to have a quick look inside, which, in this case, would have given you the opportunity to explain that it wasn't fitted.

The buyer should have asked, but your dh was unnecessarily rude.

Lunde · 08/04/2018 13:43

Sorry but I think that your DH sounds very rude and aggressive

It is hard to tell whether those giant IKEA systems are fitted or not - all your DH needed to say is "the wardrobe isn't included" or "we're taking the wardrobe". Calling the viewer a weirdo was over the top. Perhaps best to not be home during viewings if he gets so worked up.

Cuisant · 08/04/2018 13:45

Your DH is BVU.

All he needed to do was smile and say 'We'll be taking that with us, so you don't need to check that', or words to that effect.

Your buyer must have thought your DH was insane!

Cambionome · 08/04/2018 13:47

Your dh sounds like an aggressive arse, op. Why didn't he just say "Actually, that wardrobe isn't included in the sale and we are taking it with us". Perfectly simple and acceptable.

As for criticising you and trying to make it about your "lack of self-respect"... words fail me. I think you need to tell him (seriously) to wind his neck in.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 08/04/2018 13:50

I am with your DH. He was maybe a bit too much on the sharp side but he was definitely right to speak up. You should get him to give you lessons. There will be other buyers.

KurriKurri · 08/04/2018 13:51

Check that your H actually wants to sell and move, people who really do want to sell, don;t sabotage potential sales. You bitch about them afterwards, or of you think they are seriously nuts you don't accept their offer, but you don't snap at them while they are there.

I would get the agent to do all future viewings, or do them yourself, but chekc your H is fully on board with the whole thing (I had to deal with a sales saboteur in the form of my now XH - and if he could be rude to the viewers, he tried all sorts of other tricks down the line of sale, because he didn't want to sell)

PookyHook · 08/04/2018 13:51

Our house is on the market at the moment but we leave for a couple of hours while our estate agent does the viewings.

I've assumed that people will be looking in cupboards and wardrobes so I've made sure they're tidy, but I still don't like the idea of it, so I'm glad I'm not there to see them doing it.
I personally never open wardrobes or cupboards when I'm viewing houses, it would feel too intrusive, but I know that others do.

I probably wouldn't have said anything, and I think if your dh felt he had to say something then he could have worded it a bit more politely.

Cuisant · 08/04/2018 13:52

And I open everything when house viewing.

Partly nosiness, partly to gauge how much storage fits, as we have LOADS of stuff.

expatinscotland · 08/04/2018 13:52

'There will be other buyers.'

Not with a twat like her DH shouting at them.

KurriKurri · 08/04/2018 13:53

couldn't be rude

WazFlimFlam · 08/04/2018 13:53

As a first time buyer I have frequently been duped by semi-fake cupboards and drawers. In fact I was viewing a house that was ex-tenancy last week and opened a kitchen cupboard to discover that there was no actual cupboard behind it, just a bulge in the wall (like a chimney breast but not a chimney breast iyswim).

Some flats have giant-looking cupboards filled with old boilers the lazy landlords can't be bothered to get rid of. It looks like there is loads of storage, but there really, really isn't.

On the first day I moved into my last flat I went to open the kitchen drawers to unpack my stuff into them, only to discover one of the drawers wasn't really a drawer, just the front of one.

In a small kitchen it makes quite a big difference!

I have also tried opening definitely fitted cupboard doors on house viewings, admittedly in empty properties and found they came right off or wouldn't close. I would rather know about that now rather than on moving in day!

Lovemusic33 · 08/04/2018 13:53

I think it’s rude to look in someone’s wardrobe but would have probably kept my mouth shut, like you say ‘your desperate to sell’ so best to just smile.

Cuisant · 08/04/2018 13:55

(I'm not actually interested in what's in the cupboards, and don't judge the homeowner for it being messy, if it is.

Except for the time I opened a fridge in someone's spare room and it was full, top to bottom, with nothing but cans of beer. Definitely judged there. )

GummyGoddess · 08/04/2018 13:56

DH should have been polite, but he was correct. What kind of weirdo looks in someone else's wardrobe? I have never ever done that on a house viewing and nobody has done that when viewing my house. They are meant to be viewing the house, not the internal dimensions of your wardrobe.

bigKiteFlying · 08/04/2018 13:57

Big smile walk over close door and say that's coming with us.

So many viewers couldn't see past the furniture - we got more positive feedback when we got a new bed in main room same size but more stylish- something we were clearly taking with us.

I got many odd comments rudest I think was from a couple who'd turned up very late, tried letting their accompanying toddler take my children's toys with them - had to politely take off child- and out right asked if we intended to have three children or … what kind of question it that to ask a stranger.

expatinscotland · 08/04/2018 13:58

Exactly, Waz! Taps can also be faulty, too, or drains. My ex h's parents had bought and sold a lot of homes when his dad was in the military. His mum would even go so far, on second viewings, of turning on all the taps at once to assess the water pressure, ditto all the lights and an appliance, and definitely opened all the cupboard doors and/or fitted wardrobe doors.

PoisonousSmurf · 08/04/2018 14:02

I'm with your husband on this. Until they buy it's still your private home and I'm always suspicious of the types who look in everything. It's almost as if they are caging your house for a robbery.
Maybe the man was giving off weird vibes?
I wouldn't sell my house to any weirdo!

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 08/04/2018 14:04

It’s always possible the man thought the wardrobe was a fixture, so it would have been best to adopt a more diplomatic tone on the off chance. However fair play to him for challenging what was probably just cheeky fuckery.

He’s not going to like the buyers that turn up for a first viewing with all the DC in tow is he? Grin

lalalalyra · 08/04/2018 14:05

Those big IKEA wardrobes can look fitted. If there's no drawers or any thing else in the room he was probably having a peek (though he should have asked) to see if the wardrobe space was actually big enough for everything, rather than it being a case where the other furniture had been removed to make the room look bigger when actually it's really cramped when you have everything in that you need.

Ohyesiam · 08/04/2018 14:07

I suppose he could have said that the wardrobe was not for sale, would have been more neutral, but I might not have thought of that in the moment.
He needs to think priorities though.

5plusMeAndHim · 08/04/2018 14:08

Even if it wasn't fitted he was gauging how big it was- whether he could manage with something that size.
Your DH is an aggressive weirdo, unless of course he has a dead body or something illegal stashed in there.