FIL is planning a party for his 70th in July. BIL who lives OS is flying in. SIL and her DH and kids live in the same city at PIL so will obviously all be there. Issue is our family.
It’s a 7 hour drive up there, so if we go we’ve generally stayed at least 4 days before heading back. DH and I have 4 children, eldest turns 12 the following week so they’ll be 6, 8, 10 and about to be 12.
But the party is unlikely to be wheelchair accessible. Or at least, there will be family get-togethers where I can’t get into the space.
I’m currently holding out. Either I can be there and all 6 of us go up, or I can’t and DH flies up with 1 child. His family is refusing to outright say that I’m unreasonable and that I’m spoiling the party by insisting that these are the only 2 options on the table, but it’s clear from what communication there has been that they think I should be happy for DH to take all 4 kids and for me to ‘enjoy the peace’.
Further info: DH and I are not particularly close at the moment though neither of us intends to seperate - we both have reasons to stay together that are good, not great, involve children/are nothing to do with kids. FIL has never really liked me/approved of me and likes to tell my children things to undermine me whenever he’s alone with them. If the family attends without me there will be community members who read this as a statement that we are separating. I don’t want this, and especially want if possible to avoid causing undue anxiety for my children about the shape of our family changing.
Either I’m being reasonable demanding that the celebrations be accessible to me as a wheelchair using family member, or I’m not. I can’t tell anymore so am asking for thoughts.