to not want to be a mum?

[Purplerain101]

I’m early 30s and have no children. My OH and I were discussing the possibility of it last night and we were both brutally honest that it’s just not something that interests either of us. I’ve mentioned this before to people like my sister and female friends and they all look at me as if I’m completely insane and will 100% regret it when I’m older.
Have any of you not had children and not lived to regret it? I just don’t think it should be something I do unless I really, really want to be a mother (which I don’t). But what if I feel very sad about it in 20 years time and wish i’d done it? Any advice would be much appreciated

But @boopsy someone could climb Mt Everest and have the most life-changing experience ever, she might feel that people who don’t do it are missing out on something incredible and wonderful and glorious.

But unless you’re into climbing mountains, you won’t really be bothered, will you?

A close friend of mine was in tears recently because his mother told him over the Christmas period that she regretted not aborting him.

Unbelievably cruel thing to do to someone. I can't imagine what she'd hope to achieve with that except wounding him for the rest of time.

Unless your child has turned out to be a violent monster there is no justification for saying something like that.

I am not sure if your question but clear on your ignorance.

I’m going to assume you mean *of. What am I ignorant about?

My questions: why do you care if people don’t like or want children? And why do you care if childless people post on Mumsnet?

Sorry I'll fuck off now then for my leisurely bath and get ready to meet friends for a late lunch.

(True actually) but seriously, there are always pros and cons in every situation. I just turned 46, I felt a "tiny" bit broody at the ripe old age of 42 and gave it a 6 month window to happen but it didn't and after the phase passed I was relieved, I'm into hot flush territory now and no regrets.

I do look after my friends children well though. Just take the pleasure of their company without the drudge day to day. Guess there is no right answer but I definitely don't regret not being a mum.

Enjoy your bath and your lunch, Crowd.

I’m off to dance class, then martial arts class, then football, then a party, then I’ll throw something in the oven before drinking myself to oblivion!

Today 11:55 Flutterbyeee
Wow - how sad to watch my activity. Spend more time with your children. Guarantee you wouldn't call me a fucker to my face.

So you don't want the OP on here because she hasn't got children & now you want another person to go away and spend more time with her DC?

Who is allowed to post on here flutter?

YANBU - there is no point having a child if you don’t want it. The world has enough people already! I’d rather foster or adopt as I want children but I’m not bothered about carrying them/ being blood related. It makes me angry to think people ‘feel sad for my choices’ .

Flutterbyee, just out of interest, do you go on the DIY threads, TV threads, fashion threads etc etc and check whether all the posters are parents and police whether they are allowed to post or not? Why are you sitting on this thread and trying to derail it because the OP is not a parent and is seeking advice? Would you do that to people who post on MN who are having fertility issues, adoption issues? I am genuinely flummoxed by your attitude. Maybe Mumsnet isn't for you.

Baffled at how responding to an OP with genuine opinions, which can only be based on your own experiences and being very open minded can lead to such a blood bath.
Had no idea millions of women were walking around deeply regretting their children. Poor things. Especially the children. I'm surprised most people have time for this level of regret and that it so common, but fair play.
I'm sure the OP regrets asking now

Where’s the blood bath?

crowd
I think you're just winding people up! You do realise that not every parent lives a life of drudgery?
It's great! Always something going on here!
My childfree days were spent doing what you describe, long baths, lunches with friends... funnily enough, I can still do those things! Oh, we still go on lovely holidays too!

MumofKids, what a silly response. There is no 'blood bath'. People corrected an assumption you had, based on the fact that you say you have never met anyone who told you they regretted having a child (without apparently taking into account that people don't generally admit to something that remains taboo.)

The OP asked a genuine question, and posters in general, with and without children, gave thoughtful responses which will, with luck, have helped the OP clarify her thinking. I would be very surprised if she had wanted everyone to coo 'Oh, you SHOULD! You won't regret it!'

As threads go this hasn't been that bloody. And I'll have you know I'm about to have a late lunch myself!!! at Subway with the kids and will be trying to convince myself Lipton peach pop is prosecco.

"I can't imagine what she'd hope to achieve with that except wounding him for the rest of time."

My understanding is that all her other kids have (quite possibly with good reason) cut off or drastically limited contact with her, so the one who is left gets used as a punching bag, probably because she knows that he'll never leave her alone. But yes, it's a truly grim situation.

Oh no! Nimballo! Flutterbyee don't respect you!

good grief. I've had an opinion. Picked apart and ridiculed yet I'm actually completely on the fence. At least I know never to ask for advice on here. And my gosh all so serious. Come on ladies, lighten up. There's opinions and viewpoints and I'm sure the OP can read them subjectively.

@oldbandteeshirt if I could have amended my wording to read as 'not the norm' it would not have read that way. I appreciate people love to jump on these things and won't comment again. I still don't think the majority of women who have children live with regret.
But if you think I'm the king be of person who people wouldn't share if they did have regrets then I've come across badly and that's a shame. At the end of the day I thought the posts were for the OP and not for tearing apart by other posters and I personally wouldn't just rip someone's personal experience apart.

Clichés abound on this thread, you can actually achieve stuff once you have children!

Kind not king...

And as for that 'once you have children' shitI've seen enough child protection stuff, real stuff (through my Job) not things I've seen on the internet, or read on misery memoirs, to know a lot of parents are unable to prioritise their children, however much they claim to love them.

IMO anyone who doesn't want them has for some reason ended up in a place where they are unable to access the true joy of life.

This is such utter bullshit. Actually I think the childless should be applauded for not adding to an already over-populated planet and, of course, thanked for our taxes which considerably contribute to children's education, health and in some cases benefits.

Flutterbyeee - what a shame, your imagination seems to have broken down yet again.

Equally, I agree I don't know anybody who has regretted having children but my husband is an Architect and knows plenty of people in their late 20's, early 30's in the office that feel and express the fact that having children makes you a 'proper grown up' and that is scary to them. Most of them are not in a position to start families anyway as they house share or live with their parents still. I am sure that's a reflection of the kind of person that works in that field of work but if you feel like a youth still you're not going to want to produce youth!

Equally, that's not to say choosing to not have children is because you haven't grown up yourself. Sorry that's not what I meant.

And no, nothing to do with my childhood, another offensive suggestion

In fact some people have children because they had a crappy childhood and they want to prove they can be better parents than their parents were.