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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

8 day old baby...

333 replies

guierrla · 06/04/2018 23:19

i've seen that a woman i know has gone off for a night down town 8 days after giving birth!! aibu to think that this is crazy?!?!

OP posts:
EB123 · 07/04/2018 15:50

Well if she feels ok and baby is being looked after by someone capable then it's upto her.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 07/04/2018 15:51

I like her chutzpah frankly

FranticallyPeaceful · 07/04/2018 15:53

My SIL went out a week after giving birth. I think it’s weird, but that’s because a week after giving birth going out is the LAST thing on my mind... sore foof, leaking boobs, baby to snuggle, lack of sleep... not so much because it ‘looks bad’

ShyOyster · 07/04/2018 15:56

I wouldn’t give a shiny shit. If anything, I’m amazed she managed!!! I was a tired and all over leaking mess first two weeks after birth.
However, when DS was 4 weeks old, DP and I went out for dinner and a few drinks. And it was lovely.
I fucking hate being constantly fucking judged by other women.

DioneTheDiabolist · 07/04/2018 16:06

The women being judged on this thread are the ones who aren’t meeting the required Madonna standard.
You can say that again. They're being judged for not baring their pain and recovering well enough and not being sociable enough as well as recovering too quickly and being too sociable.

Dontknowwhatimdoing · 07/04/2018 16:11

Crazy why? I have a horse, and he still needed doing when my DS was born. I was back doing him when DS was about 3 days old, and would leave DS with DH for about an hour a day to go to the yard. I could not think of a single reason why I shouldn't have. DH left him with me when he was less than a day old, and no one would ever think to question that!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/04/2018 16:26

Fact is people can do what they like however that doesn’t mean it’s not selfish. A week old baby needs it’s mother, even if formula fed they are best with their mum and if you can’t forgo a night out in the first week of your child’s life I will judge you.

RepealMay25th · 07/04/2018 16:27

and if you can’t forgo a night out in the first week of your child’s life I will judge you

If you can't keep your nose out of other womens business I will judge you.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/04/2018 16:30

So judge me I don’t really care. Like I say I don’t care whether a mum goes out but I have an opinion on it- that’s what forums are, places of opinions

Nat6999 · 07/04/2018 16:44

I didn't have any choice but to leave my new born ds a week after a section as I had to go to hospital twice a week with my now ex husband to learn the physiotherapy to teach him to walk (he was diagnosed with MS a month before our son was born)

I had two babies to feed, dress & change, one at a week old & a 42 year old, I didn't get chance to spend hours admiring my newborn ds, I just had to get on with it. There should be no judgement on any new mum on what she does as you don't know the full story, she could have PND & need a break for all you know.

RepealMay25th · 07/04/2018 16:46

Like I say I don’t care whether a mum goes out but I have an opinion on it

But you do care or you wouldn't have an opinion on it.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/04/2018 16:47

She could just be a rubbish mum who prefers partying and left her child, we don’t know. Based on the few facts I have, that’s my opinion.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 07/04/2018 16:54

she’s a mum who has a nebby acquaintance with nose out of joint enough to post on mn
Fact

WashingMatilda · 07/04/2018 16:54

Well either way it appears the OP has achieved their aim and will not be returning.
Slow clap for OP

formerbabe · 07/04/2018 17:04

I didn't have any choice but to leave my new born ds a week after a section as I had to go to hospital twice a week

That's very different from just fancying a night out!

Sleeplikeasloth · 07/04/2018 17:23

A week old baby needs it’s mother, even if formula fed they are best with their mum and if you can’t forgo a night out in the first week of your child’s life I will judge you.

Best with parents perhaps, but not just mum. It's not the 1950's

formerbabe · 07/04/2018 17:29

Best with parents perhaps, but not just mum. It's not the 1950

Time doesn't change biology. I hate the opinion that anyone can look after a child and whether the mother is around is irrelevant.

Fwiw, I'd charge a father too.

To all those who think it's fine, how soon wouldn't be acceptable to you. Give birth in the morning and out drinking/partying the same night?

formerbabe · 07/04/2018 17:32

*judge a father I meant!

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 07/04/2018 17:33

Biology doesn’t predetermine that only a mother can look after a baby
SOCIETY habit & hierarchy has a preference that mothers look after babies
There’s a fundamental difference and you’re confusing biology with societal habit and hierarchy

formerbabe · 07/04/2018 17:38

Biology doesn’t predetermine that only a mother can look after a baby
SOCIETY habit & hierarchy has a preference that mothers look after babies
There’s a fundamental difference and you’re confusing biology with societal habit and hierarchy

Societal pressure plays a part but please don't try to deny biology. Or do you not believe a mother and child have a special bond? I find comments like yours so damaging to motherhood and how society views it. It's one of the reasons sahms aren't respected and the government insists on getting single mums into work. Motherhood is essentially worthless. Anyone can look after your child...you have no special or unique bond. Sad.

Addictedtohavingbabies · 07/04/2018 17:39

Anyone who would prioritise their baby would not be having a night out drinking at only 8 days old, so yes I would judge.
I can't understand why she would want to tbh. And it's not fair to the baby. Yes other people can care for the baby but for most babies the mother is the first and foremost attachment, especially at 8 days old.

DioneTheDiabolist · 07/04/2018 17:42

I wouldn't judge at all formerbabe. Every mother of an 8 day old baby that I have ever met has been doing her best. And I mean every single one without exception has been doing her best given her circumstances and resources. It may not be what you would do, but you are not her.

I think it is anti woman to judge how other women deal with their lives post partum.

formerbabe · 07/04/2018 17:59

Biology doesn’t predetermine that only a mother can look after a baby

Actually it really does. Pre formula, a baby would have entirely relied on it's mother's milk for survival...ie biology was pretty important! Not formula bashing (I FF) by the way.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 07/04/2018 18:07

In countries with high maternal death others step up.daily. babies are fed in absence of mothers.
This is probably a mum in a metropolitan city with an all night garage and supermarkets. They’ll not want for the essentials

formerbabe · 07/04/2018 18:09

This is probably a mum in a metropolitan city with an all night garage and supermarkets. They’ll not want for the essentials

So actually it's society which has determined that a baby can survive without its mother rather than biology which you stated?

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