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AIBU?

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Original poster

SAHM who are to busy too work??

336 replies

donners312 · 06/04/2018 21:39

I honestly don't have a problem with SAHM BUT I admit I am fed up of SAHM who claim they are fed up with their car/where they go on holiday/their house/kitchen etc BUT do not work.

If your DH is so shit at providing why don't you get a job and pay for it yourself?

I keep hearing it is because you are too busy to get a job?

or maybe i just need new friends?

I am NOT having a go at SAHM if you and your DH are both happy then `I am honesty happy for your family but i do feel there are some women who would rather not work and accept no responsibility for family finances whilst complaining about how shit their (lovely) life is?

OP posts:
Dashel · 07/04/2018 09:11

I don’t think this issue is confined to SAHP I think it’s anyone who moans that their DP doesn’t earn enough.

DN moans her DH won’t get a better paid job to fund her Aspirations yet she is on a part time low paid job with their retired parents doing all the childcare.
At family gatherings I bite my lip, but she is just as capable of earning a bit more or increasing her hours, but all she does is moan about him letting her down as she flicks through mansions on Rightmove or moans about needing a Range Rover 😡

Not everyone can afford a footballers wife salary at all, let alone on one wage.

Ansumpasty · 07/04/2018 09:15

yoohoo
This is where I’m originally from. Own a lovely house, very good local schools, close to airport for my husband. I don’t want to live in a country where the kids don’t speak the language (or myself) and can’t move to the US to be with my parents.

Fintress · 07/04/2018 09:23

You need to find like minded friends. You are obviously not a friend to the people you are moaning about.

Grobagsforever · 07/04/2018 09:28

@Shinycantle - exactly, it never occurs to ppl for the man to find the school hours job, it is simply assumed the woman will trash her career

Moonandstars84 · 07/04/2018 09:54

Op their financial contribution is saved childcare bill. Do you not get that?

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 07/04/2018 09:55

I have a friend who gave up a very well paid job to be a SAHM and constantly puts her DH down for "not earning enough" to fund the lifestyle she would like to have. She will drop it into conversation frequently in front of her DH and other people, which I do find extremely disrespectful. Her DH does actually have a good job and is studying for further qualifications to increase his earning potential but he seems to be constantly stressed out and run down. He has suggested my friend go back to work part time but she won't entertain the idea and is now pressuring him to have a third child. I don't believe that her attitude is representative of SAHM in general though.

Unfinishedkitchen · 07/04/2018 10:15

Everyone’s allowed to have a little moan now and again. It’s when anyone constantly moans and makes comparisons to what others have when it becomes grating. This also applies to people who hate their jobs and make no attempt get a new one. I know plenty of those. Some people just like to moan all the time regardless of their situation.

I work FT and sometimes (rarely) comment that I’m tired and I’m guessing my SAHM friends may think ‘why doesn’t she go down to PT? - as my DH is a high earner). However, I really like my job, I get paid well for what I do, trained hard for it and am in my prime hay making years (we both want to retire at the same time relatively young).

Nevertheless, I’m allowed to not have to walk around smiling like a demented Cheshire Cat everyday and so are they. Everyone’s allowed an off day.

Flutterbyeee · 07/04/2018 10:21

How does it affect you if a woman chooses to be a SAHM?

BuntyII · 07/04/2018 10:28

Why are there so many MRAs on the board this weekend? Shouldn't you all be looking after the kids and doing housework Wink

Moonandstars84 · 07/04/2018 10:54

What's an MRA please?

PasstheStarmix · 07/04/2018 10:57

I was wondering what it stood for too

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 07/04/2018 11:39

MRA = mens rights activist. Usually appear in the form of posters whose sole purpose is to slate the choices that women make and try to pit women against each other.

Jenna43 · 07/04/2018 12:10

I can not get my head around the hatred for sahm's. We made the decision that financially it made most sense for me to stay home. I have had one woman that worked with my dh describe me as lazy, one of my friends tell me it's not hard to find childcare etc

Yep I know a few people with this mindset. The thing is though, one of them will leave her kids with anyone who will have them, the thought of being at home with her kids fills her with horror. She has had years of free child-care because she dumps the kids with anyone who will have them and she has the cheek to think she's marvellous.

CadyHeron · 07/04/2018 12:24

Only read the first page but you sound like a goady one so here, have a Biscuit

BlackeyedSusan · 07/04/2018 12:32

sahp here. one assumes that people are capable of making decisions, and it is bloody obvious that if one of you stays at home you mihght possibly not be getting the same income. though sometimes the whole of the income could be taken up with childcare if one did work.

works the other way though. if you are sitting in a house that requires tow of you to pay the mortgage, do not complain that you can not afford to be a sahp.

it is all about choices. complaining and acknowledging that is fine but complaining about it and having no acknowledgment as why you situatiuon is as it is.. well

I take it you have some whiny friends. just remember that they would complain if they were working too just about something different.

PasstheStarmix · 07/04/2018 12:55

Maybe get some different friends if the one you have annoy you so much

PasstheStarmix · 07/04/2018 12:55

ones *

gillybeanz · 07/04/2018 13:00

Is it ok for women who work to complain about their car, lack of new kitchen?
Just thought I'd check because both people working might only earn the same as a couple with a sahm.

They aren't friends if you need to bitch about them, or do you have to call any Tom, Dick, or Harry your friend.

mrsmuddlepies · 07/04/2018 13:13

Two things -
Working out of the home is good for your health. There is a lot of research to show that it is good for you( and your brain)
If the gender pay gap is to be closed, some women(and men) need to accept the concept of paid work out of the home and equality of input in terms childcare and domestic tasks.Win win!

RoobieDoobie · 07/04/2018 13:13

It is fine to say 'no holiday this year as money is tight' , it is fine to put off purchases as money is tight whether you are stay at home or not. It is not ok to feel like you have personally been seen off and can't go on holiday because you don't have the money. The reason you don't have the money may be because you have decided to be a sahp.

The same way you can't moan you can't get a wel paid job because your husband works away. You should have had a conversation about that before having children and come to a mutual decision on careers and jobs.

My husband is in the military and spends a lot of time away from us but he doesn't moan about it as he could leave if he wants to. We have massive childcare bill but I don't moan about it as that was our choice to work full time and have children close together. We do look at holidays etc and nice things and say stuff like 'in a few years we can do that or buy this or move House ' etc

Moaning about something that you can control is very very annoying. And unless you are minimum wage (and even then) childminder costs between £3.50 and £5.00 an hour so it wouldn't take up a whole salary. So if you choose to stay at home then don't keeping moaning about all the stuff you can't do. You made those choices!

FluffyMcCloud · 07/04/2018 13:23

“Just get a job”. LOL!!
yes, stay at home parent, just go and get a job that after childcare and travel costs gives you enough money to remodel your kitchen and buy a new car. JUST DO THAT! 🙄

MaisyPops · 07/04/2018 13:29

Just thought I'd check because both people working might only earn the same as a couple with a sahm.
It's not about absolute income. It's about people having the capacity to change a situation, choosing not to and then whining.
(So many of thr examples on here of 'I'm a SAHP because it's not financially worth going to work / childcare is too expensive / child has lots of medical app doesn't come into thr OP's rant. Nor do people who say 'we chose to have a WOHP and a SAHP we don't have much but that's our trade off')

RoobieDoobie
Well said.
Moaning about something that you can control is very very annoying
This. People make whatever choices are right for their situation and live accordingly.
Nothing good tends to come from endless bitching that you can't have what you want and nothing good comes from bitching about things you can change but choose not to.

I used to live somewhere really affordable but was driving 90 mins each way to work. I bitched about it... and then moved. Insanity would be spending years of my life complaining how unfair it is that my colleague only has to drive 15 mins to work. The longer commute was the trade off for more affordable housing.

CertainlyChoco · 07/04/2018 13:35

It's not about absolute income. It's about people having the capacity to change a situation, choosing not to and then whining.

I work with mostly men and quite a lot of them resent their wives for staying at home when the children are in school. From what they are saying, there is no agreement for the woman to be a SAHM after the children have grown up, but those ladies just don't want to work. One said the DW just grinds him down with her incessant demands for him to earn more while she doesnt do her part of the deal which is to get a job as agreed. She even has the balls to demand he come home anytime she wants, never mind that he has to be in meetings! I can see him leaving her sooner or later. He loves their DCs but not her.

MorningsEleven · 07/04/2018 13:38

I home educate one of my children and have a husband who works away so opportunities for working outside the home are severely limited. In my view I have a job, I just don't earn anything for doing it. I hope that gives me the right to complain about lack of funds?

jinglymum · 07/04/2018 13:42

I completely agree OP. And there's those that say well I have to do the school run as husband/partner can't do it as he's at work so would have to find a job to fit in school hours and holidays. How do they think single full time working parents manage?! By using childcare that's how.

It really irritates me to think sahm parents of school aged children feel the need to moan about not having time. Working parents still need to clean, tidy and cook.