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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say we get rid of cleaner when maternity leave starts?

411 replies

dazedconfused81 · 06/04/2018 20:32

Man alert!! 😂 So my wife starts maternity leave soon and is adament she wants to take as long as possible off, so 12mths probably. (Which is another bone of contention, as I would have liked to take longer off work than the standard 2 weeks!)

Obviously I’m worried about the financial impact this will have, and we’ve discussed cutting back. One of the things I think we should get rid of is the cleaner, which currently costs us about £140/mth. She disagrees, saying we will need it more than ever.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
PlumsGalore · 06/04/2018 21:59

Mate, I would gladly gave gone back to work after two weeks and left you home with the baby. You have NO idea, seriously, none.

Jenna43 · 06/04/2018 22:00

This thread is bizarre- does anyone else cope without a cleaner??? My DH truly loves me, too

I do and so do most people I know. In fact, I only know 1 person who has a cleaner.

typcast · 06/04/2018 22:00

I've just started mat leave - baby isn't here yet (although I have a toddler already) and I am considering getting a cleaner for the first time in my life.
Before (both mat leaves) I had a very stressful job, with a long commute. I found coming home and doing housework after 13-14 hour days a breeze compared to now - and I am at home with toddler at nursery. Im overdue and everything is physically hard - I genuinely need a rest after climbing the stairs. And I remember from last time it's about to get harder.
If you can possibly afford to - keep the cleaner.

MsGameandWatching · 06/04/2018 22:01

You keep saying you've been insulted "horrendous personal insults". You haven't been. You've had robust responses. That is standard for this forum. Perhaps your wife should have warned you?

espoleta · 06/04/2018 22:01

Ultimately a cleaner is cheaper than a counsellor...
let's not be penny wise and pound foolish.

PoorYorick · 06/04/2018 22:01

other than, at no point did I say or infer anything of the sort.

You wouldn't have inferred anything, you said it. We inferred it, from what you implied. And given how many of us inferred it, I'd say you implied it, intentionally or not.

I genuinely wanted to know what other people’s opinions were on keeping a cleaner during mat leave, so I thought I’d ask on this form which my wife is constantly reading.

Well if that's all you care about, the answer is that if you can't afford it, can it and do the cleaning yourself.

TA DAAAAAAA

pandarific · 06/04/2018 22:02

Wtf those of you that had babies that slept 20 mins / 15 mins at a time. Confused

That must be bloody rare, right? All the small babies (6 months or less) I’ve ever seen have been conked out at least half of the time.

PoorYorick · 06/04/2018 22:03

Wtf those of you that had babies that slept 20 mins / 15 mins at a time.

Mine didn't; but I did meet a lot of women who had 'catnapping' babies.

pandarific · 06/04/2018 22:03

She says, mildly hysterically, with a bun in the oven and my mum having had two average to good sleepers in myself and my sister. clings to hope

LadyLapsang · 06/04/2018 22:03

Hi OP, given you have two children, how hands on are you day to day in comparison to your DW and do you and your DW take a 50/50 approach to childcare/covering illness etc.?

MsGameandWatching · 06/04/2018 22:04

Clearly not rare with so many posting about their experiences on this thread alone. Check out the Sleep Board too.

Jenna43 · 06/04/2018 22:04

You do realise your wife is about to embark on the hardest 12 months of work she will ever have in her life!

Hmm Not all babies scream 24/7 you know and don't sleep. I found the first 12 months the easiest, it's when they're on their feet the hard work kicks in (imo). Some people seem to think that you can't put babies down.

HeedMove · 06/04/2018 22:05

You aren't being unreasonable. There's no need for it. At all.

expatinscotland · 06/04/2018 22:05

She's not a SAHM, though, harsh, she's on maternity leave, not 1950s housewife leave.

MsGameandWatching · 06/04/2018 22:05

Grin my First was a brilliant sleeper. Ten hours a night from six weeks and three hour nap every afternoon. My second however...😢

iMatter · 06/04/2018 22:05

Will you be pulling your 3 year old out of childcare?

That will save a lot more money than binning your cleaner.

stayathomer · 06/04/2018 22:06

'The cost is 140 a month - not a week.'
Is this not a lot of money when they're about to lose/ cut a wage?!?! OP yes, a lot of people jump to criticise, but there are some voices of reason on, and a fair few of them above

NameChange30 · 06/04/2018 22:06

@pandarific
“All the small babies (6 months or less) I’ve ever seen have been conked out at least half of the time.”
You haven’t seen the others because their mothers are at home with them, too exhausted to get showered and dressed let alone leave the house!
I am (half) joking... but seriously, some babies sleep a lot, some don’t.
I hope you’ll be lucky and get a sleeper!

pandarific · 06/04/2018 22:08

To be fair the people on the Sleep board are already likely having trouble though - you’re hardly going to go on there going ‘my baby does a nice four hour stretch, wakes for a feed then goes back to sleep easily’, are you? Would be rather bad form.

BerylStreep · 06/04/2018 22:08

If you already have two other children then IMO there is even more of a need to keep the cleaner. (Notably exclusively referred to on the thread as 'she' so far).

Surely there is potential to off-set the loss of earnings on maternity leave against the 3 year old's child care that perhaps won't be needed to the same extent?

That's a bit of a naughty drip feed OP.

NameChange30 · 06/04/2018 22:08

@Jenna43
“Some people seem to think that you can't put babies down.”
And some people seem to think all babies are the same.
Unbelievable isn’t it how clueless some people are.

Jenna43 · 06/04/2018 22:09

Do they have a different father?

Yeah cos that's a relevant question regarding keeping a cleaner.

MsGameandWatching · 06/04/2018 22:11

It is relevant if OP wasn't around for the newborn and early baby years. It would explain why he sounded a bit clueless about it. As others have pointed out why is it suddenly such a big deal three children in. What happened before?

Cornishclio · 06/04/2018 22:12

I would have loved a cleaner with either of my two pregnancies which were just 17 months apart. Needless to say we could not afford it so we managed as millions of mums do. Presumably your wife knows how your finances work and that you will be £1500 down as you have done this before. It is not essential.

HeadingForSunshine · 06/04/2018 22:12

You have two dc already and this time your wife wants the full 12 months mat leave and to keep the cleaner. You think this is unreasonable.

We have a v traditional relationship. I had a cleaner before I got married. DH felt we really needed a cleaner because he didn't like cleaning and had no intention of doing his share.

I trust you regard your wife as an EQUAL partner in this relationship.

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