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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say we get rid of cleaner when maternity leave starts?

411 replies

dazedconfused81 · 06/04/2018 20:32

Man alert!! 😂 So my wife starts maternity leave soon and is adament she wants to take as long as possible off, so 12mths probably. (Which is another bone of contention, as I would have liked to take longer off work than the standard 2 weeks!)

Obviously I’m worried about the financial impact this will have, and we’ve discussed cutting back. One of the things I think we should get rid of is the cleaner, which currently costs us about £140/mth. She disagrees, saying we will need it more than ever.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
HeedMove · 06/04/2018 22:13

Read the thread or at least the ops posts! He already said it's both of there third baby.

g1itterati · 06/04/2018 22:14

If your wife is sitting there with you, why are you not discussing this with her?

What do you want people to say? You obviously think the cleaner is too much, but nobody has any idea about your family's finances, so it's hard to comment. Is your wife very keen to keep her on? You still haven't mentioned her perspective at all?

Chocolaterainbows · 06/04/2018 22:14

Most women don't have a cleaner and manage perfectly fine.

Original poster
dazedconfused81 · 06/04/2018 22:15

MsGameandWatching - I wrote a long post explaining the situation and why this pregnancy/Mat leave is different - didn’t you read it before driving this point again?

OP posts:
vampirina · 06/04/2018 22:15

Even before the second post about taking the 9 months maternity, I'm shocked to see posters saying it's unfair she won't share parental leave.

It's maternity leave first and foremost so the Mum can recover. IF it suits the couple then it's great we can now share but the idea of the dad demanding it really doesn't sit well with me. She wants to take the year with her new baby, that's not unfair.

iMatter · 06/04/2018 22:17

How much do you pay for 3 yo's childcare?

Might be worth cutting right back on that?

I imagine you'll save a small fortune.

hamburgers · 06/04/2018 22:18

As some PP had said they are surprised by the overwhelming responses on here saying a cleaner is essential and how hard it will be on your wife to clean the house with a newborn.

It's honestly not hard.

I cleaned my house well in to my last weeks of pregnancy and continue/d to clean once DD arrived. Why? Quite simply we didn't have the luxury of hiring a cleaner as we couldn't afford it.

If you can't afford a cleaner, don't have a cleaner. They're absolutely not essential!

Original poster
dazedconfused81 · 06/04/2018 22:18

g1itterati - of course I’m discussing it with her, but we both thought it would help to get some second (or third) opinions. That’s all.

OP posts:
amievenawake · 06/04/2018 22:18

men really can't post anything on this site without a bunch of women rushing to yell at them about how they need a full 12 months to recover from child birthGrin ridiculous, your wife should share the maternity leave you're just as much of a parent - regardless of wether you birthed the child or not. The comment about OP taking the 9 months maternity leave with clearly tongue in cheek.. they could split it equally, ive met some tired mothers with 6 month old babies yes but never one who's still recovering from the birth! i assume that if OPs wife went back to work he would be doing the bulk of childcare/night feedings etc and trying to ensure she got a good nights sleep for work. Equality works both ways.

MonkeyPoke · 06/04/2018 22:19

I kept my cleaner until mine was about 2/3 months old (baby, not cleaner)

MsGameandWatching · 06/04/2018 22:19

I've read all your posts. Sorry, what point am I driving? I was explaining why another poster might have asked the question they did. I think you've misunderstood.

BerylStreep · 06/04/2018 22:19

So did your DW suggest that you 'ask the nice ladies on MN about the cleaner issue'?

Very clever Mrs Dazedconfused. Very clever. Wink

Original poster
dazedconfused81 · 06/04/2018 22:19

3yo currently gets 30hrs free childcare (as we both work full time), so childcare costs have dropped massively now

OP posts:
PaulDacreRimsGeese · 06/04/2018 22:20

Why are we talking like it's either a baby who sleeps a lot or a mother who's pinned to the sofa? You can have one who sleeps constantly and still be unable to do any fucking thing. Ask me how I know.

Original poster
dazedconfused81 · 06/04/2018 22:20

MonkeyPoke - don’t use humour, you’ll get lunched! 😂

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 06/04/2018 22:21

You can have one who sleeps constantly and still be unable to do any fucking thing. Ask me how I know.

How do you know?

(I'm guessing a velcro baby?)

Coyoacan · 06/04/2018 22:21

I never had a cleaner with 2 babies under 16mths. Still no cleaner. House isn't mega clean but it's not dirty, and I work full time

How dirty does a house get when everyone is out all day?

I'm sick of the boasting of these Stepford wives

Original poster
dazedconfused81 · 06/04/2018 22:21

BerylStreep - yes she did, but now we’re both sitting here in agreement that missndry is alive and well!

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 06/04/2018 22:22

MonkeyPoke - don’t use humour, you’ll get lunched!

Use humour by all means, just don't be a patronising cliche and then whinge about the tough crowd.

This, OP, is why they won't let you on the Now Show.

Original poster
dazedconfused81 · 06/04/2018 22:22

Obviously “lunched” was meant to be “lynched”, (before anyone infers I meant something else)

OP posts:
Moxiebelle · 06/04/2018 22:23

It's amazing how something like shared parental leave that was supposed to be to help women's equality is now becoming something that men are demanding their share of whether the woman wants to or not.

PoorYorick · 06/04/2018 22:24

BerylStreep - yes she did, but now we’re both sitting here in agreement that missndry is alive and well!

Some women, OP, just want to watch the world burn.

Original poster
dazedconfused81 · 06/04/2018 22:24

(How do people reply with a quote from previous poster? Some of the comments I’m replying to would make more sense if they had a quote)

OP posts:
WetsTheVet · 06/04/2018 22:25

This isn't written by a man. FYI.

Saracen · 06/04/2018 22:25

I think that really this is a decision which only the two of you can make, as you know the details of your finances and how big a chunk of your budget that £140/month would be.

For some people it would be an entirely unaffordable luxury. For others, spending £140/month on a cleaner would perhaps mean delaying the purchase of a new car, or less money going into the pension pot, so the cleaner isn't out of the question and the decision is about where your priorities lie.

I guess if your dw was working full-time before, then her being off work for a year will mean savings on childcare costs? At the same time, there will be more work to be done at home. This isn't just because of the baby, and because of your dw needing more rest. Also the older two children will be at home more hours, assuming they were previously with a childminder or at after-school club.

Without knowing all the ins and outs of your lives, especially the financial side, I don't think anybody else can have the perspective to advise on your situation properly. All we can do is point out aspects of it which you might not have considered.

Anyway, hope all goes well and congratulations on your imminent arrival!!