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AIBU?

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Original poster

People offended by kids not being invited to wedding

493 replies

Timeforachange2018 · 06/04/2018 08:49

Going to a family wedding in June- the couple aren’t inviting kids apart from their own 2 and have made that clear. It’s for financial reasons and they are keeping the wedding small to 50 people.

Found out that some relatives are offended by this because their kids aren’t invited and were off with the groom about it.

Aibu to think WTF is wrong with people. I have been to plenty of weddings where my kids were not invited- I totally get why that would be the case & I am not remotely offended by it. I am just happy to be invited and am looking forward to a childfree day sipping champagne and celebrating with the couple.

Aibu to think WTF is wrong with people?

OP posts:
BlueSapp · 06/04/2018 11:44

Dontforgetyourtowel Its still rude

Dontforgetyourtowel · 06/04/2018 11:45

BlueSapp you are deluded

Tailfeather · 06/04/2018 11:45

I bloody love a child-free wedding! Means we can relax and enjoy it rather than having to ensure LO is quiet during the ceremony, sits still during the speeches etc etc. The majority of the day isn't fun for little people and it also means they tend to leave early.

AlieMe · 06/04/2018 11:46

*there

BlueSapp · 06/04/2018 11:46

Dontforgetyourtowel nope you have no manners

ReanimatedSGB · 06/04/2018 11:48

Oh FFS. Nothing is more ignorant, blinkered and boring than people who bang on about the importance of family rather than friends. Lots of people's blood relations are arseholes they want to limit or cut their contact with. It's ridiculous to expect a couple's wedding guest list to include the six children of the bride's second cousin that she has never met, rather than the members of her weekend hockey team that she's been involved with for several years.

OK, fair enough, it's unreasonable for the bride/groom to get cross if you can't leave your toddlers behind for a weekend in a fancy hotel at the other side of the country, but the sort of people who just show up with their kids when the kids are not invited are as rude and self-obsessed as the people who insist on bringing the person they just started shagging when they weren't offered a +1 (and worst of all, the people who insist that their 'relationship should be respected' when what they mean is someone they pulled in the pub three weeks ago and have shagged half a dozen times.)

Dontforgetyourtowel · 06/04/2018 11:50

BlueSapp I can live with some stranger on the internet thinking I have no manners because I am against religion due to it being responsible for innumerable atrocious acts Biscuit

Abra1de · 06/04/2018 11:51

‘Family’ wedding doesn’t mean you necessarily have to invite the children of friends if space is tight. If we had done that, 27 out of our 105 available places would have gone to children. Some of whom I had never met met.

JeSaisPas · 06/04/2018 11:52

you are being unreasonable by complaining when people can't come when you've put stipulations on the event.

BlueSapp Did you read my post? Only one of them has kids but the other 6 have refused to come on principle. I have no problem with people declining an invitation, as OP said, I have a problem with their rudeness and bad attitude, demanding we change our wedding plans, shouting down the phone at us.

One of my friends can't come because it's adults-only but she politely declined and wished us a lovely day.

It's about having a bit of class. And just like OP, I can't see how people can be "offended" when it's nothing personal.

Oh and in above post "cousin's" should be cousins.

MarthasGinYard · 06/04/2018 11:52

Quite

You can CHOOSE your friends

Grim having to have family you are not too keen on AND their broods.

Schnauzermum2 · 06/04/2018 11:54

Jesais I’m afraid when you put caveats the n people’s wedding invites. Maybe they are not comfortable leaving their child with friends. Maybe they want to spend their weekends/days off with their children. It’s up to you who you invite and with what conditions but if the invitees don’t like the conditions you can’t expect people to automatically accept those conditions I’m afraid.

emsmum79 · 06/04/2018 11:54

We had no children at our wedding - it would have been lovely if we could but there would have been 60 kids to 40 adults! It would have been too much to say the least and we also had a budget tgat just couldn't have been cut more. Some were offended and made it very clear but they all had a lovely time. One friend brought her tiny bf baby as she wouldn't make it otherwise.

HelpTheTigers · 06/04/2018 11:56

My cousin had a small wedding in quite a compact room at a really lovely venue. Invitations were to the adults only and it was very clear that no children were invited.

Unfortunately, three couples turned up with at least eight children between them, all of whom had to be seated. The parents were either completely oblivious to the chaos or didn't care and didn't seem to notice some very pointed comments from other guests.
The extra guests cost my cousin an extra £700+ including the staff time for rearranging the room, seating plan and additional decorations, flowers etc. I'm sure that they would have preferred to have had more of their friends attend rather than children who they probably didn't know well at all. The wedding venue staff were brilliant though and explained that this happened regularly, either regarding children or a guest bringing a Plus One who hadn't been invited. They explained that the worst occasions were when invitations didn't specify that it was to be a child-free occasion, as many families just assumed that an invitation to a parent included children too.
Personally, I don't mind either way but I can definitely understand why some weddings are child-free by choice and it shouldn't really cause a problem.

CheekyRedhead · 06/04/2018 11:58

Those going in about traditional weddings of ye olde times are clearly forgetting it was also traditional for the parents to payoff it which meant they had more say in the guests attending including family and their friends.
Nowadays more couples pay for their own weddings giving them free reign on who to invite.

BlueSapp · 06/04/2018 11:58

JeSaisPas but in the same respect, if you put any conditions on attending for any reason not just kids some people won't want to come so you can't be annoyed about that its their choice like others have said its and invite not a summons.

Perhaps there is more to it than you know though if they are this annoyed with him

SellFridges · 06/04/2018 11:58

We had no children at ours, other than a couple of small babies and our own almost 3 year old.

Several cousins didn’t attend as a result which was fine by me.

If we had no childcare then whichever one of us was closer to the bride and groom would attend while the other stayed at home.

KalaLaka · 06/04/2018 11:59

I'm not offended when it's a childfree wedding, but if you have kids before all your friends get married, it's quite sad as you end up missing most of them.

I'm getting increasingly fed up with it as DH gets to go and I don't (breastfeeding) which leaves me alone with all the DC.

BlueSapp · 06/04/2018 11:59

Dontforgetyourtowel doesn't change the fact you don't have to make other people feel bad for their choices.

CheekyRedhead · 06/04/2018 12:00

Also the majority of couples will be well aware and accepting of declined invites from those with kids. Stop saying they have to accept it. Most do!

Clandestino · 06/04/2018 12:03

I don't understand why they're offended. We were invited to two such weddings. Had to decline as DD was exclusively breastfed and would rather cry for 4 hours non-stop rather than take the bottle with expressed milk. They understood and so did we, they wanted a child-free wedding so we could hardly just turn up with a little baby.

JeSaisPas · 06/04/2018 12:04

It’s up to you who you invite and with what conditions but if the invitees don’t like the conditions you can’t expect people to automatically accept those conditions I’m afraid.

shnauzermum As I said to BlueSapp, I totally get people who can't make it because of our stipulations, although in this case, most of his family aren't coming now on principle because of the one cousin who has kids. We know her well and it's not a question of childcare as she's normally happy to leave them with friends and they have offered. It's a question of principle.

People are allowed their principles (even if I find them ridiculous) but, as I said above, it's about the bad attitude and rudeness.

When I am invited to a wedding I feel so honoured! If it didn't work for me, I'd thank them and wish them luck. I'd never dream of phoning them up, demanding they change their day for me, giving them an ultimatum: "if you don't accept my demands, our whole family will stay away"! Do you really find that acceptable and normal??

Flippetydip · 06/04/2018 12:05

I love it when we get invited to weddings without the kids. I hate taking them and having to "deal" with them all through the day at what is basically a very unchild-friendly event.

Dontforgetyourtowel · 06/04/2018 12:07

BlueSapp it's not exactly my problem if you feel bad/offended/sensitive over me being thankful not all weddings are Catholic. Are you just being goady for the sake of it?

snash12 · 06/04/2018 12:07

I'm saying no kids in the hope that some people WILL decline

JaneyEJones · 06/04/2018 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.