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AIBU?

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Original poster

People offended by kids not being invited to wedding

493 replies

Timeforachange2018 · 06/04/2018 08:49

Going to a family wedding in June- the couple aren’t inviting kids apart from their own 2 and have made that clear. It’s for financial reasons and they are keeping the wedding small to 50 people.

Found out that some relatives are offended by this because their kids aren’t invited and were off with the groom about it.

Aibu to think WTF is wrong with people. I have been to plenty of weddings where my kids were not invited- I totally get why that would be the case & I am not remotely offended by it. I am just happy to be invited and am looking forward to a childfree day sipping champagne and celebrating with the couple.

Aibu to think WTF is wrong with people?

OP posts:
Letdownnn · 06/04/2018 16:15

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

KellyanneConway · 06/04/2018 16:21

What Minne said. Personally I absolutely love a child free wedding, much prefer a day/ evening out with DH on our own -drinking-. I'm actually going to a DP free wedding soon, to which I'm totally indifferent about - it's a very small intimate wedding and they want to keep costs down... ok with me.

Dontforgetyourtowel · 06/04/2018 16:26

BlueSapp I know I wasn't being rude but tbh I'm not surprised you think I was. Most narrow-minded people I know believe me rude. Luckily I choose not to have any of those in my life Smile

Dontforgetyourtowel · 06/04/2018 16:27

ReanimatedSGB I think I love you

Littlewoo · 06/04/2018 16:27

We had a child free wedding, didn’t even have our own 2 yr old at the reception. Children were welcome to come to the church, I could barely hear the vows because of my 2 yr old niece yelling and banging throughout. My sil and her partner just sat beaming joyfully at the shouting girl. At no point did either of them think it may be a good idea to take her out.
I was very glad we’d said no children at the reception, the only person who had an issue was my mil who was overheard slagging me off, saying “ everyone loves children at weddings”
Every friend who came thanked us for giving them a day/night off to let their hair down without their children.

peacheachpearplum · 06/04/2018 16:28

KellyanneConway if the children are invited you can always say it will be just you and DP, they are unlikely to force you to take them.

OlennasWimple · 06/04/2018 16:32

Charlton said Weddings used to be all about a family celebration

Weird. I always thought weddings were all about two people who love each other getting married

That's a very modern take on marriage - it's historically been about two families being joined together. Hence the traditions of the father giving the bride away, the bride's father escorting the groom's mother back up the aisle at the end and the groom's father escorting the bride's mother (plus mingled seating at the top table and for the first dance)

Obviously marriage is not like that for many people these days (in the UK anyway), but it's not too long ago that marriage wasn't particularly anything to do with how much the bride and groom were in love

Jessikita · 06/04/2018 16:42

A lot of people suggested that it was cost whilst some keep mine numbers limited.

That didn’t come into it for me, I just didn’t want children there.

BlueSapp · 06/04/2018 16:45

Dontforgetyourtowel not narrow minded at all, just see unnecessary rudeness as a sad reflection of character

peacheachpearplum · 06/04/2018 16:46

Jessikita obviously people have various reasons but if people would like to invite them but costs stop them then that is a shame.

Personally I hate weddings and if people didn't invite my kids it was a brilliant excuse for not going.

willynillypie · 06/04/2018 16:47

It never would've crossed my mind to have children at our wedding. Luckily we did not know very many people with children, and the ones we knew were DELIGHTED to have an evening away from them. Couldn't imagine anything worse than an evening wedding with screaming brats running around while their drunk parents ignore them. Also more than happy to not take my baby to weddings when he arrives, although this has meant turning down the invitation to a wonderful wedding due to BF as it will be 2 months after due date.

DwangelaForever · 06/04/2018 16:47

I think if kids aren't invited to the wedding that's fine

I was offended by my cousins wife to be as she invited all the kids from her side, their mates kids and didn't invite 3 kids from our side of the family 😶😶

I wasn't going to go but they messaged us a few weeks ago and told us our kids were invited 🙊. I think my aunt found out just how many other kids were going and made them invite our kids.

It should be all or none IMO!

JeSaisPas · 06/04/2018 16:52

I don't really buy the cost thing. Someone I know got married a couple of years ago, very expensive venue/wine/menu/overnight accommodation. At a meeting for booking the whole event they were told the children would cost 50% of adult cost. The Groom said no, they picked children's meal from the hotel's normal menu and said that is what they children are having and that is what we are paying.

Peach this happened to a friend of yours, years ago which is great but that doesn't mean it's everyone's experience. Where I live, normal restaurants hear the word "wedding" and they refuse to let you use the normal menu for adults or kids. The wedding menu costs 4 times as much. I have walked away from many restaurants whose wedding menu was too pricey and they were more than happy to lose our booking! And there is no getting out of paying per child, unless they are breastfeeding. Paying for 25 kids menus at 25 pounds each is an extra expense that we just can't afford.

Mydoghatesthebath · 06/04/2018 16:52

Reianimated

Ball right in the goal there you are so right.,reminds me of s progrsmme I watched about the Shannon Matthews case and the police had to do a family tree.

There were literally hundreds of cousins, ex’s, ex mils/fils, siblings, step siblings, aunties etc all living in s very small area. All grew up there and stayed there, and all in and out of each other’s houses constantly.

My absolute idea of hell.

Mydoghatesthebath · 06/04/2018 16:55

Willy you could express?

peacheachpearplum · 06/04/2018 16:58

JeSaisPas, it was two years ago, a couple of years so the world has hardly changed significantly. I don't think I suggested it would always happen but if people really want children there and it is too expensive then it might be worth trying. The venue they were using were obviously willing to do it at a push as they didn't want to lose the booking and yes it was a very money grabbing venue that charged a fortune but they obviously weighed it up and decided that losing about £300 on children's meals was worth it.

If it helps one couple I think it is worth mentioning it, might not help you, you might not want kids there anyway but it isn't hurting anyone to mention it.

expatinscotland · 06/04/2018 16:59

'Willy you could express?'

Someone always trots this out to BFing mums so they can go to a wedding. It's actually quite hard to express enough to feed a baby used to BF. You're sort of chained to your pump. It can compromise your supply, lead to nipple confusion that might affect BF and cause distress to a baby who is used to the breast and not a bottle.

peacheachpearplum · 06/04/2018 17:00

Couldn't imagine anything worse than an evening wedding with screaming brats Such a shame that you only know screaming brats, I know lots of lovely, well behaved children.

honeylulu · 06/04/2018 17:05

Every friend who came thanked us for giving them a day/night off

Unless you arranged/ paid for childcare (I'm not suggesting you should have) you didn't though did you? Any guest could choose to attend without children if they made the necessary arrangements.

Child free weddings - fine.
Smug bride and groom pretending they've magnanimously done you a favour - irritating.

peacheachpearplum · 06/04/2018 17:06

honeylulu, couldn't agree more.

JeSaisPas · 06/04/2018 17:10

If it helps one couple I think it is worth mentioning it, might not help you, you might not want kids there anyway but it isn't hurting anyone to mention it.

Peach, I agree and I think it's great advice to remind people they can try and negotiate. What I take umbridge with is you saying I don't really buy the cost thing which is implying that most people are lying when they say venues charge to cater for DCs and they just can't afford that extra expense. Many would have to knock real friends off the guest list to pay for all those kids.

willynillypie · 06/04/2018 17:14

Mydoghatesthebath

It's a bit much to leave a 2 month old baby though for the length of time of a normal wedding!

The wedding in question is actually in Portugal so also don't want to be flying with such a young baby etc etc but even if in the UK I don't think it would work.

peacheachpearplum

Every child has the propensity to turn into a screaming brat! Whether or not the parents want to admit it...it's admittedly not usually the child's fault - I am sure I wouldn't have behaved that well if forced to sit though about 6/7 hours of church plus drinks and canapes plus a boring sit down meal as a child all in one whack. It's a lot to ask of a little child.

Makingworkwork · 06/04/2018 17:14

I recently went to a wedding where the bride was pissed off with DH not coming. It was a child free wedding which we would need to travel too so DH has to stay because we had no babysitter/are not happy with over night stays for our 1 year old.

Claennister · 06/04/2018 17:16

Maybe this is to do with whether families live close together or far apart and how tech savvy they are, but I'm surprised not to read that people love a wedding as a specific opportunity to SEE the children. My Irish family don't see the London children often, the Scottish don't see the Irish, the Northern don't see the Dublin, but there's those one big event that everyone gets together and you see all the children play. You see how much their boy looks like your girl, how much their girl reminds you of your late mother... Most of the frankly don't manage Skype and some are blind so photos are of little use. If we tried to throw a child free family party we'd get people organising a side party for the kids!!

I had loads go home early because their dc were tired and needed to go to bed. It was horrible

Do people not go home even earlier if they're having to relieve a sitter, pay by the hour, double the cost after midnight, etc? If you're relying on familiar favours, they'll sit up to the time they get fed up and you better be home by 8.

peacheachpearplum · 06/04/2018 17:19

Many would have to knock real friends off the guest list to pay for all those kids. I suppose it depends on your priorities, if you want a certain venue and they won't negotiate then you have a choice of not inviting the children or doing something cheaper. That is entirely up to the couple but it is in their power to make that decision. I went to another wedding which was everyone meeting up on a local beach and bringing a picnic. No problem with how many children attended. It wouldn't be everyone's choice (and they were very lucky with the weather) but it is a choice.