People offended by kids not being invited to wedding

[Timeforachange2018]

Going to a family wedding in June- the couple aren’t inviting kids apart from their own 2 and have made that clear. It’s for financial reasons and they are keeping the wedding small to 50 people.

Found out that some relatives are offended by this because their kids aren’t invited and were off with the groom about it.

Aibu to think WTF is wrong with people. I have been to plenty of weddings where my kids were not invited- I totally get why that would be the case & I am not remotely offended by it. I am just happy to be invited and am looking forward to a childfree day sipping champagne and celebrating with the couple.

Aibu to think WTF is wrong with people?

I would not be offended at all!! Happy to leave the kids are home. We have brought our bf'ing baby to a few weddings with no issues though.

At our wedding 5 years ago we firmly said no kids. Still had a baby scream throughout our ceremony and I was PISSED. Also had my cousin bring his kids despite being told several times no kids, and they were adorable out on the dance floor. I was happy they came after all and felt like a giant jerk for saying they couldn't come. But still weird that they brought them right? Oh well!

It's the bride & grooms day, the ONE day that they will remember forever, it should be about THEM and what they choose . To hell with the people who are offended by it, if you truly care about the bride & groom, you either make the effort for THEIR day or you don't , simple as. Just because family is tradition , so what what ? Parents don't usually pay for the wedding anymore so traditions change , get over it !

And to the posters saying "i personally hate weddings so I would use childcare as a perfect excuse not to attend" if I was the op shoes , I actually wouldn't want to waste money on feeding & entertaining someone that detests weddings so much and actually begrudges being there , I would much rather someone came that supported the event :)

I love childfree invitations as it gives me a guilt free way to decline attending. Weddings are almost always a bore unless you're close family

FuckItPassMeTheWine the trouble is, as the OP indicates, people do get offended by things and telling them that their dream wedding is your idea of hell is one of those things that they don't want to hear. Most of us who aren't keen on weddings are polite and don''t bluntly give our view of weddings so a tactful excuse is great.

balsamicbarbara glad I'm not the only one.

I generally couldn’t give a hoot but we did get one childfree wedding that I was a bit miffed about. Close friends, small wedding and our youngest was only 4 weeks old. Clearly it wasn’t a money thing and they knew it would mean I couldn’t come which felt like a bit of a slight. Also meant that I got left at home alone with a 2yr old and new born whilst DP went to the wedding. Rightly or wrongly it felt a bit shite.

Disclaimer-I’m not married so I possibly don’t get the whole wedding day thing.

Weddings are individual & it is up to the bride & groom to decide whether to invite children or not.
As PP have said there are a variety of reasons such as cost, size of family, venue etc. Most of the weddings we have been to have been child free.
At the end of the day it is up to the guests to decide whether to accept the invite & if they cannot (or do not wish to) organise childcare that is it their choice.

Well I don’t think me and dh were standing smugly basking in the glory of having people saying thanks, I was just stating what happened at our wedding. Entirely up to our friends if they wanted to come without their children, wouldn’t have been offended if they’d declined. As it was we knew they could easily get childcare sorted, there was 4 couples who we’ve known for years and they got grandparents to babysit. And whilst we didn’t pay the grandparents we did give them all a thank you gift, hope that we weren’t seen to be smug doing that also

peach - you are still assuming that childfree smaller weddings are about showing off, not because the smaller venue and numbers are already the cheaper option.

BlueSappnot rude at all, just see unnecessary narrow-mindedness as a sad reflection of character and as the reason this world is going to shit

I so agree balsamic.

Fuck, no one owns a bloody day! It's a wedding, not the second coming or the heralding of world peace.

My DS & DIL Had a smallish wedding/reception at a local venue.
We have a small family, DIL has a huge family. They decided to keep it to close family and friends but no children.
The main reason was that the meal per head would have been really costly if children were invited too.
They would have had to limit the adults to accommodate children. As it was only 2 couples with children chose not to come.

I have been to A LOT of weddings. One year DH went to 11 in one year (including 2 in one bank holiday weekend).
I know everyone thinks their wedding is the most special important day of their lives - but mostly it isn’t for your guests.
I know lots of people are saying it’s all about the bride and groom - however you are expecting people to give up time and money and give you gifts! They are a consideration.

I remember my BIL telling me I was so lucky that I went to his wedding as it was sooo brilliant... what he doesn’t know is I had a shit time. I knew virtually no one, I got stuck with several pissed relatives bending my ear all evening and I was bored to tears.

Honestly the ones that were the most fun were when we were young and they were cheap and cheerful and there was so little expectation. The lack of organisation and being herded about was so much nicer.

I think sometimes they have become like New Years, everyone is so desperate to have fun at an assigned time that no one does.

A few of the most memorable moments I remember from weddings involve children.
There wasn’t any at ours because we were young and no one had any!

Perfectly reasonable not to invite kids. Most people don't have unlimited funds and once you start inviting X's, you then have to invite Y's and Z's, because otherwise it's not fair, and before you know what you have 20 or 30 extra meals/places to pay for, and maybe your chosen venue won't be big enough anyway.

OTOH including children of close family, but not everyone's regardless, is also fine IMO.
As for small babies, I can't see why anyone would object - they don't need a meal or a place at the table - that is as long as the parent knows they're expected to take them out if they start crying to any extent that's disruptive or is going to bother other guests.

I think there’s a difference between inviting children because you have a relationship with them and want them there, and children who you don’t really know/aren’t close to in order to help the parents with childcare for the day.

I wouldn’t have got married without my nieces and nephews there as I adore them, and they are as much a part of the family as adults. However that was our decision for our wedding and I respect other people’s decisions for theirs. I don’t understand why other people can’t also do this.

@jesaispas I think your DP’s cousins are behaving horribly - I hope you manage to have a lovely wedding anyway

There are some very odd attitudes about this.

How can anyone be so precious, so self-obsessed and so arrogant as to think somebody else’s wedding is not about the bride and groom on one of the most significant days of their lives, but is about their own children?

If they are paying to host it, then it is the wedding couple's day. They get to choose the arrangements and invite who they want, and if what's on offer doesn't suit you, you politely refuse.

It's quite often the less-close guests who piss and moan about their partner/DC not being invited, anyway (if you have an attention-seeking drama llama in the immediate family, you probably already have a plan in place for keeping that person either away, or accommodating them in such a way that no one else will listen to them if they start whining).

There are also plenty of weddings where the couple have no kids in immediate family and none among close friends, so they will arrange things to suit the people they like and want to invite - and not be too fussed at some distant cousin or work colleague saying they can't come without their DC. If you only have one child among your whole family, it's quite likely that child would be bored to bits and have a rotten time at a wedding anyway.

People like this are always wankers. Particularly if they then bleat about ‘weddings are about FAMILY and FAMILY is about CHILDREN.’

ODFOD.

I do not mind a child free wedding but hate it when the invitation suggests that they are doing me a favour. If I want and can arrange a night away from DCs I will and do not need a wedding to give me permission. I have probably when asked about the children have used the polite “it’s great to have a night off” the same as “best wedding ever” and “most amazing food”.

@caspiana Your lovely comment is very much appreciated, thank you I also agree with what you said about close nieces and nephews that are truly part of your family - we probably would have made an exception too if we'd had any.

How can anyone be so precious, so self-obsessed and so arrogant as to think somebody else’s wedding is not about the bride and groom on one of the most significant days of their lives, but is about their own children?

I wholeheartedly agree.

I don't think people should be offended when kids aren't invited, but I do think communication is key to managing expectations.

We were sent a "save the date" card a year before a family wedding. We have small families (so not many weddings to date) and also live away from families so have zero babysitters. Only when we phoned to clarify the details before the official invitations came out were we told that our children were not invited.

This in itself is fine, it's their wedding, etc etc. but we'd mapped out a weekend visiting people around the wedding without realising the children weren't invited - it would've been so much better if they'd let us know in the first place. We had to decline due to lack of childcare, which was a shame, but that's the way it goes.

People shouldn't take it personally if their dcs aren't invited to a wedding but neither should the bride and groom but unhappy when people don't come because dcs aren't invited due to childcare issues.

We are getting married in September, I have 1 child and 2 step children who are all coming to the wedding, obviously, we invited our nieces/nephews and my goddaughter but no other children.

No one has been offended by this at all, in fact many friends and family are quite happy to have a night without children! A couple of my cousins have contacted me and requested they bring their kids, 1 will only be 7 months old, and we have decided to let them come as we’d rather have them there than not be able to come just because of childcare issues, but not one person has been offended by our decision not to invite children.

Personally if we were invited to a wedding without the kids I wouldn’t be offended at all, it’s the couple’s decision and no one else’s so it’s just plain rude to go and make a fuss over it.

@Raaaaaah

I generally couldn’t give a hoot but we did get one childfree wedding that I was a bit miffed about. Close friends, small wedding and our youngest was only 4 weeks old. Clearly it wasn’t a money thing and they knew it would mean I couldn’t come which felt like a bit of a slight. Also meant that I got left at home alone with a 2yr old and new born whilst DP went to the wedding. Rightly or wrongly it felt a bit shite.

Why did your DP get to go to the wedding?

Why did it have to be YOU who stayed at home with the kids whilst he went off and had a good time?!