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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irritated by this?... MIL related.

175 replies

Daffodillia · 06/04/2018 05:44

So we’re staying at mil house. To be fair to her she’s done a lot of the cooking whilst Dh and I chill out. I’ve offered to help but She insists she’s okay.

The thing that irritates me is that when it’s time to serve up she always asks ME to serve the dc’s food up. Which is fine, she doesn’t want to get the portions wrong. BUT she never asks DH!

Now DH is a very capable person, we’re pretty equal when it comes to household stuff, including cooking. But she never asks him!

I was even on the toilet upstairs yesterday and DH was in the kitchen. She walked straight past him and called up to me to come serve the dc’s food!

My dh finds it hilarious, (it’s kind of become an in joke between the 2 of us) and refuses to offer just to wind me up!

I find it sexist, dh finds it old fashioned.

AIBU that it pisses me off?!

OP posts:
ladymariner · 06/04/2018 09:07

Christ this really wouldn't bother me in the slightest, really think you need to pick your battles. Mils just can't do anything right on mumsnet, can they?

derxa · 06/04/2018 09:17

Your poor MIL

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 06/04/2018 09:19

MIL probably thinks she's doing the right thing asking you OP. Some women on here would be up in arms if their MIL asked their DH to serve up and god forbid MIL do it herself. That would be undermining to some posters.

Sounds like you've been looked after and have been able to chill out?

The twat here is DH and dare I say you to a degree as you could give the DC's plates to DH and tell him to do it while you go to the loo or whatever.

Devastatedupset · 06/04/2018 09:19

OP .... get a grip. This might be light hearted, but seriously??

Easy solution (and can’t believe you’ve not done this!) ... look at mil and say “oh, dh can dish out dc’s food”. That’s it! Job done!

You’re allowing your irritating scenario to continue.

NewImprovedNinja · 06/04/2018 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CanIBuffalo · 06/04/2018 09:50

Worth keeping in mind that you reap what you sow. Your DH could be setting a better example to your DS.

CisPinkHoodie · 06/04/2018 09:58

CanI

Yes. Laughing at his mum, an actually helping his wife.
Women getting irritated with each other

CisPinkHoodie · 06/04/2018 09:59

sorry not actually helping his wife

Original poster
Daffodillia · 06/04/2018 11:40

Hmm I’m the bitch! You lot are keyboard warriors at their finest.

OP posts:
CanIBuffalo · 06/04/2018 11:45

I think only 1 person called you a bitch but by all means dismiss the points that everyone who isn't chiming in with you is making as 'keyboard warrioring'.
Maybe next time make it clear that you're not looking for other perspectives. Posting in _Chat might be better for that too.

Lacucuracha · 06/04/2018 11:50

I've only read the OP, but I agree with whoever said to tell DH to portion up whilst you do go something else.' I'm sure someone must have said it.

Original poster
Daffodillia · 06/04/2018 12:06

Sorry, can I meant the recent posts telling me to get a grip and chill out etc. I value other opinions, life’s boring otherwise.
However, I think people are more invested in my issue than I am.

OP posts:
Original poster
Daffodillia · 06/04/2018 12:29

I’ve tried!
I’m upstairs packing, dh is down stairs laying on the floor with the dog.
Mil came upstairs to me... bypassing the lounge to come and ask me to dish out the dc lunch.
I asked her if DH could do it as I’m just finishing packing. She said, ‘Oh. But he’s playing with the dog’
So I’m currently downstairs waiting to dish up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Daffodillia · 06/04/2018 12:29

I’ve sent dh to do the packing.... that seems to be more of a ‘man’ job

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 06/04/2018 12:30
Grin

Oh my

I'd get out of the house so you aren't around for food for a few days.

I'd be bored shiteless by now

MarthasGinYard · 06/04/2018 12:32

You tried Op

You tried

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 06/04/2018 13:14

Oh come on OP you're not telling me that you couldn't have got out of that?

Nanny0gg · 06/04/2018 13:20

It’s not a bloody ‘generational’ thing!!

Original poster
Daffodillia · 06/04/2018 13:23

I think that’s half the problem martha I’m bored and fed up and things that wouldn’t normally bother me are really starting to irritate!

Off home in a few hours!

OP posts:
Original poster
Daffodillia · 06/04/2018 13:23

What is it then nanny? My dh said generational, I say sexist. It feels sexist.

OP posts:
Lacucuracha · 06/04/2018 13:26

OP, I meant ask DH to dish up (not ask MIL to ask DH). If he refuses, then you have a DH problem as well.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 06/04/2018 13:26

Can't you see the problem is with your husband?

Cabininthewoods69 · 06/04/2018 13:30

Can't see a problem myself. My dh would just go and do it. And in my house we are old fashioned although I'm only 31. Men carve the meat and do the bins and women put clean bedding 9n, however we share the rest right down to diy and styling dd hair

Allthewaves · 06/04/2018 13:31

My mums does this as does mil. Doesn't fuss me. Does piss me off that mil runs around like blue arsed fly at xmas dinner while fil sits in his arse. I help out and now took to telling dh he needs to do x,y,z as all of a sudden he turns into his dad at xmas(when he's perfectly normal functioning parent the rest if the year)

Aoifeaye · 06/04/2018 13:37

It is sexist but I don't think she means any harm. I think instead of laughing about it your dh should do the thing your mil has asked you to do at the times when it makes more sense for him to do it. It's nice that she comes and does the cooking for you both - and I'm guessing she sees cooking as a women's job so is doing it more as a favour to you not to your dh, even if in reality you share the cooking. I think she's coming from a good place, you just have different attitudes on things.

Like my mil, we don't see her often but she's the same and anything dd related she goes to me. I told my partner to make sure he steps in if it's more convenient for him to do so and he has done that and actually it did change things slightly. I think she realises we share parenting duties a lot more than her and fil did.