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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be irritated by this?... MIL related.

175 replies

Daffodillia · 06/04/2018 05:44

So we’re staying at mil house. To be fair to her she’s done a lot of the cooking whilst Dh and I chill out. I’ve offered to help but She insists she’s okay.

The thing that irritates me is that when it’s time to serve up she always asks ME to serve the dc’s food up. Which is fine, she doesn’t want to get the portions wrong. BUT she never asks DH!

Now DH is a very capable person, we’re pretty equal when it comes to household stuff, including cooking. But she never asks him!

I was even on the toilet upstairs yesterday and DH was in the kitchen. She walked straight past him and called up to me to come serve the dc’s food!

My dh finds it hilarious, (it’s kind of become an in joke between the 2 of us) and refuses to offer just to wind me up!

I find it sexist, dh finds it old fashioned.

AIBU that it pisses me off?!

OP posts:

Original poster

Daffodillia · 06/04/2018 07:32

She a mil panda of course she can’t

OP posts:

HoppingPavlova · 06/04/2018 07:34

I also get DH to mash the potatoes, don’t know why this is weird? You know, why have a dog and bark yourself .

Original poster

Daffodillia · 06/04/2018 07:35

Because vanilla the actual dishing up doesn’t bother me. Dh knows this,m. If he knew I was truly upset about it then he would be normal about it. But as it is, it’s a running joke between the both of us.

OP posts:

trickyboots · 06/04/2018 07:41

Yes my mil says "you be Mum". I hate doing it so I say dh will do it, he likes it and hand him the spoon. She gets the rage and it becomes a weird passive aggressive thing about me shirking my womanly duties and him not getting a chance to relax . And this scenario keeps getting repeated so I know it's a thing now.

Original poster

Daffodillia · 06/04/2018 07:45

It’s strange tricky

OP posts:

PussCatTheGoldfish · 06/04/2018 07:47

My mum does the DC portion thing too. She will ask me even if DC are stood there. That drives me nuts! DH is never asked, but TBF he wouldnt have a clue as he's never home for dinner times.

Hopping I used to get DH to mash, but as he's rarely about now, and I neither like feeling incompetent nor lumpy mash I buy it ready frozen.

Quietlife1979 · 06/04/2018 07:52

Daffo my mil is the same. She also serves me last and give me a tiny dinner (like herself) and the men folk get a huge portion.

It pisses me off tbh

There are lots of reasons why I think she does these things but I’m incredibly biased

epicclusterfuck · 06/04/2018 07:56

How old is MIL?

MarthasGinYard · 06/04/2018 07:58

'Daffo my mil is the same. She also serves me last and give me a tiny dinner (like herself) and the men folk get a huge portion.'

Oh yes of course the 'lady portions'

Deathraystare · 06/04/2018 07:58

If Dh finds it hilarious, how more hilarious would he find it if you then cut up his food and tucked a napkin round his neck as a bib?!!

flapjackfairy · 06/04/2018 07:59

I cant believe people get upset over such insignificant things ! If i was hosting and looking after you and giving you time to chill out i would be v hurt to find out you were bitching about me to all and sundry on the internet.
It is definitely a generational thing but she isnt trying to upset you deliberately.
Can you not just laugh it off and let it go ?

UnicornRainbowColours · 06/04/2018 07:59

It’s a generation thing, in her day the man probably didn’t do a great deal towards helping with that stuff. She’s trying to be respectful to you and how you feed your children.

BertrandRussell · 06/04/2018 08:00

"It’s a generation thing, in her day the man probably didn’t do a great deal towards helping with that stuff."

How old is she?

bruffin · 06/04/2018 08:02

But, if it bothers you that much, tell your dh how upset you are and ask your him to speak to her
Nothing to xo with your dh, if you dont like it have the guts to say something yourself, rather than whinging on here.

rocketgirl22 · 06/04/2018 08:05

The issue is not with you MIL. The issue is with your dh whom is playing up to this and pretending it is all a joke (but still not doing it)

Just tell him to bloody well do it.

On a secondary note you should be much more grateful than you are for such a nice MIL cooking and looking after for so long. You sound a but ungrateful and not particularly gracious on here.

rocketgirl22 · 06/04/2018 08:05

bit

Feb2018mumma · 06/04/2018 08:14

I think if you said anything she would say it's how they did it in their day and say she is upset that your upset, then if your husband is anything like mine he will say she's old and it wasn't fair you bought it up and upset her! I might just serve up badly! Give yourself loads more!

Notonthestairs · 06/04/2018 08:15

Why don't you just tell her DH will serve up? Why doesn't he just do it??
It might just be because I'm knackered and I'd bloody love it if someone was cooking for my family and I wouldn't really care too much how stuff actually reached the plate.

Sittinonthefloor · 06/04/2018 08:18

I always give the mother the food for their DCs too, in real life it is mainly the mother that sorts it. If the mum wasn't in the room d ask the dad but if both were present I'd ask the mum.

It is sensible to give women a slightly smaller portion too - we do actually need less calories!

Omnomnomnivore · 06/04/2018 08:20

it's kind of become an in joke between the 2 of us

I'm pretty sure she knows you're sniggering at her but doesn't know why. I used to be friends with a couple who had in-jokes and nicknames for people that they'd accidentally "almost" call them. It's not nice to know you're being insulted behind your back but at least I could back away from those friends. Your mother in law is stuck with you in her house.

Original poster

Daffodillia · 06/04/2018 08:20

She’s 70.

I don’t really care how I sound on here. I merely wish to hear people’s reactions, and read other people’s experiences. If I didn’t want to do that then I wouldn’t have written on here. Why else do people come on mn? If not to voice things anonymously?

I do care how I sound to her, I do actually like her, I don’t want to hurt her feelings and my issue is so so trivial that it’s only really fit for mn.

As for being grateful, is one not allowed to have gripes and also be grateful?

OP posts:

Original poster

Daffodillia · 06/04/2018 08:23

She doen’t know omnom and we’re not the type to have in jokes and nick names for people.
It’s purely... mil: ‘Daff can you serve for dc’ Dh: pulls a face at me like haha!’

OP posts:

Fruitbat1980 · 06/04/2018 08:24

The men were always asked to carve the meat. I carve better than all of them and used to get about having doorstep slices! A few times I snuck in and just carved without asking. I AM better. Now when the men are asked they ask me to doit and mother tuts. It’s like the dark ages- only men can cut meat?! Wtf.

CanIBuffalo · 06/04/2018 08:25

I think you just want other people's reactions that validate your own.

It will need dealing with at some point if it irritates you. Unless you're happy for your DCs to s

saoirse31 · 06/04/2018 08:26

Maybe she's trying to involve and also defer to you , or how could I put it, she's trying to be nice and not annoy you. Poor woman.

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