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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect a seat whilst waiting to see midwife

340 replies

Littlewreck · 05/04/2018 15:25

I’ve come to see my midwife for my 41 week appointment. I’ve been told there’s an hour wait at least. There’s no seats left in the waiting area. Am I been unreasonable to expect some of the non pregnant accompanying adults to give up there seats for pregnant woman?

OP posts:

Pennywhistle · 05/04/2018 16:15

i don’t think its their fault you got pregnant so would be quite rude to ask them to move

Sock I’m open mouthed at your statement. Basic human kindness dictates that someone moves for a heavily pregnant woman.

It’s not rude to ask.

I would imagine most of the people there are staring at books/phones/magazines hence the need to ask for help, but once their attention was drawn to her of course She should be offered a seat.

Presumably you don’t have the same attitude to the elderly or disabled? “It’s not anyone else’s fault they are infirm so it’s rude for them to ask for a seat?”

No, I thought not.

GoodMorning1 · 05/04/2018 16:16

Hmm. On a train or bus I'd expect some one to give up a seat and I'd ask if no one did. But in a GP waiting room you don't know why people are there and what's going on with them that you can't see. I've spent time in GP waiting rooms whilst having or waiting to have a miscarriage. If a pregnant woman had asked me to give her my seat in those circumstances I'd have burst into tears whilst resisting the temptation to punch her. So many people in GP surgeries look fine until the Dr calls them, they stand up and start to walk and then it becomes obvious they are in lots of pain.

Sloegin2 · 05/04/2018 16:16

Midwife here (work in a busy
antenatal clinic).

When no seats are left I always ask non-pregnant/those who are able to stand to vacate seats to allow pregnant women to sit down where possible.
It’s perfectly reasonable to ask at reception, if they won’t ask they should at least find another seat for you.

HariboIsMyCrack · 05/04/2018 16:16

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

BlueSapp · 05/04/2018 16:17

sockunicorn

 <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Sad" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/sad-q5SIe0Cq.png">

MissBartlettsconscience · 05/04/2018 16:17

i don’t think its their fault you got pregnant so would be quite rude to ask them to move

Presumably in an antenatal clinic waiting room it's their fault that somebody there is pregnant (or they are very very weird) so they ought to realise that just as their partner needs to sit, other pregnant women may also need to do so.

piercinggelo · 05/04/2018 16:18

I wouldn't even sit for an hour. I would have gone away and come back. However in the absence of manners I would have asked the receptionist to get me a seat, maybe someone carrying a chair through would make a point!

fia101 · 05/04/2018 16:18

Cheeky f**kers should get up off their arses and give up a seat for you.

BlueSapp · 05/04/2018 16:20

GoodMorning1

It's not a GP waiting room it's and antenatal clinic in the hospital, Its only for pregnant women!

Pennywhistle · 05/04/2018 16:22

But in a GP waiting room you don't know why people are there and what's going on with them that you can't see.

Which is why you ask the room at large, not a specific person.

Charolais · 05/04/2018 16:22

You shouldn’t have to ask for a man to give up his seat. I grew up in the so-called evil 50’s and 60’s in England and back then men always gave up their seat to a woman - pregnant or not.

Once in the doctors waiting room the female doctor came in from outside and before she could walk through a man jumped up and offered her his seat.

greenlynx · 05/04/2018 16:22

It's unbelievable! You shouldn't be in position to remind them about basic manners! I think even my elderly father will give up his seat in this situation without waiting for you to ask!

Babyplaymat · 05/04/2018 16:24

Of course you need a seat. I'd be horrified if wherever was accompanying me didn't offer.

Abra1de · 05/04/2018 16:26

How rude of those men.

PurpleDaisies · 05/04/2018 16:26

I grew up in the so-called evil 50’s and 60’s in England and back then men always gave up their seat to a woman - pregnant or not.

I don’t think that’s something we should go back to. It’s obviously good to offer seats to those less able to stand but why should I be given a seat by virtue of my chromosomes?

SweetMoon · 05/04/2018 16:29

I dont think its their fault you got pregnant so would be quite rude to ask them to move

Wow. Just. Wow.

Viviennemary · 05/04/2018 16:30

I agree you shouldn't have to ask. OP should ask the receptionist to get her a seat. And then they should put up a notice saying the seating is provided for patients. I don't think it's quite the same as a train seat. Because nobody has paid for a seat in the clinic. And even if accompanying people have mobility issues I don't think they've a right to a seat if they are not attending the clinic.

FancyNewBeesly · 05/04/2018 16:31

Fucking ridiculous comments here. Yes of course as a full term pregnant lady someone should offer you a seat at an antenatal clinic. My DH would never ever behave that badly, bloody ridiculous.

She should have to ask? Hardly. It’s pretty obvious. I have invisible disabilities so I would need to ask. When I was about to pop with twins I would have been very annoyed in this situation.

peacheachpearplum · 05/04/2018 16:31

PurpleDaisies very true. When I went into hospital in labour a very judgemental nurse saw me carrying my case. She got all huffy and tutty as my husband didn't carry it for me. When she suggested he really should I told her he had a congenital spinal problem made worse by an accident and I needed him to be able to go home and look after our toddler while I was in hospital. It was no bloody use to me if he carried my case and was then flat on his back for a week or more (not unusual unfortunately) so I didn't want him to carry it.

Unlikely that every man in the waiting room was in that position but then you never know anyone's situation just by looking at them.

Crunchymum · 05/04/2018 16:32

This was a pet hate of mine.

Had a lot of antenatal appointments with my 3rd (due to being high risk I was in weekly, sometimes more ) and every fucking time there was at least one instance of someone quite clearly pregnant being left standing so a non pregnant bloke could sit next to his partner.

Now I know all about hidden disabilities and the "You should just ask" mantra but it's fucks me off that in an antenatal waiting room, a heavily pregnant woman would need to ask for a seat.

One particular receptionist used to do a quick sweep of the waiting rooms when it was very busy and used to boom "can anyone who isn't pregnant please vacate their seat".... no-one every refused.

this isn't a man hating post but in my experience it was blokes taking up seats and pregnant women standing.

throwcushions · 05/04/2018 16:36

That's awful. I would (and did) ask on public transport but at an antenatal clinic I wouldn't expect anyone but the patients to be sitting unless there were spare seats.

TeasndToast · 05/04/2018 16:37

It’s obviously good to offer seats to those less able to stand but why should I be given a seat by virtue of my chromosomes?

Because it’s our chromosomes that determine our biology. The biology that has disadvantaged us enough. The fact that those of us with female chromosomes are the only ones that have to suffer with all the physical stress and pain when a couple decides to have a baby, the least men could do is stand up and offer a seat without having to be asked.

BlueSapp · 05/04/2018 16:38

TBH, even If you have hidden disabilities, you don't IMO have the right to a seat to accompany a pregnant woman in a hospital antenatal clinic, only the patients should be afforded the seating

FrangipaniBlue · 05/04/2018 16:40

I'm shocked that the non-pregnant people's pregnant partners are just sitting there saying nothing!!!

I know my DH would have offered up his seat because I've seen him do it plenty of times, but if he was engrossed in his phone and hadn't realised a pregnancy woman was standing there I'd have given him a little nudge

I can be very passive aggressive and rather than politely ask I would probably proclaim loudly to the whole room "it's ok, I don't need a seat thanks!"

NeedsAsockamnesty · 05/04/2018 16:40

crunchy the receptionist at our local one does that as well, but it’s very sad that she has to.

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