To expect a seat whilst waiting to see midwife

[Littlewreck]

I’ve come to see my midwife for my 41 week appointment. I’ve been told there’s an hour wait at least. There’s no seats left in the waiting area. Am I been unreasonable to expect some of the non pregnant accompanying adults to give up there seats for pregnant woman?

What's wrong with pregnant women who have DPs with them.. getting them to give up their seats for women in the same condition as themselves,?

DailyMailReadersAreThick I love your name!
My back problems also make standing v painful and I totally agree with what you've said. It just seems common sense to me. I can't see what there is to discuss! A clinic for women who are pregnant has a waiting room for pregnant people to sit down in! What else is there to say?

I agree that it's good to have a moan about the disgusting behaviour of a partner of the mum-to-be who takes up a chair and makes an ante natal pregnant person stand, but how can anybody disagree that the chairs are for the pregnant women coming to the ante natal clinic?

Andrewofgg

I'd imagine it was due to some very naughty worm behaviour!

minniebirdy Is it an NHS thing, or a UK medical culture thing? If we all started paying through the nose for our treatment tomorrow would that make it any easier for the receptionist to go and find a chair or ask someone politely to move? Or even make the partner's of pregnant women get up for a pregnant woman? I don't think it necessarily would you know….

I walked into the maternity waiting room last week on crutches and very visibly in a lot of pain. However I don’t have a bump yet. Another very pregnant lady with a huge bump immediately jumped up to give me her seat, while all the other people accompanying the pregnant ladies ignored us.

PurpleDaisies back then most men cared about a woman’s well -being. It was nice. Very nice. And you will see from my pp that the woman I mentioned was a doctor and so were her two colleges at the practice. We could have our cake and eat it too. Very nice.

@peacheachpearplum - 'I have seen other women being asked to move'
Hopefully non-pregnant able-bodied women? I'd be livid if I was pregnant and sitting waiting in an antenatal clinic for my appointment and I was asked to stand up for someone's husband, even if they did have a hidden disability.

My question is actually a bit different - why are all the men there!? I can understand if there’s a problem but for all those women??

And I say that as someone who’s first DC was after a lot of IVF and I was the very definition of PFB! And both my successful pregnancies were high risk. DH came to the 12 and 20 week scans and that was it. Actually with DD2 he didn’t even come to the 12 week as he had had D&V the day before and we didn’t want to risk infecting anyone.

Someone should have given you a seat OP. Good luck in the next week or two x

When I was pregnant with my 2nd child ...was sat in the 8 seats or so waiting for the MW. A lady came in more pregnant than me and made a large and loud conversation about non-pregnant people sitting in the MW waiting area. My husband was sat their too. odd thing was there was plenty of seats, so basically some people are size 6 and don't look preg but can be. Found out later I was further along... MW visits are pain in the bum.

Wow. Some of these comments are un-fucking-believable!

Op, you should have been offered a seat. You should not have to ask for a seat at the anti natal clinic, especially at 40+ weeks.

As for the tales about people giving up their seats for a pregnant lady, to have them stolen away by kids etc, well I’m just grateful that us brummies seem to be more polite than other cities. I’ve never heard of the likes of parents telling their kids to take a seat intended for a heavily pregnant woman. No wonder so many people are thoughtless, selfish pricks.

Breathe heavily and clutch your lower back. Such jerks for not offering, disgraceful.

Just ask op!

it's ante as in before not anti as in against... Sister Elizabeth, a Roman Catholic Nun used to tell us "Ask and it shall be given unto you". She was right. People when gently reminded will find their manners and let you sit down.

Plus, if you don't ask they won't know you're uncomfortable. At 41 weeks I'd rather stand and hurry the labour along...

I couldn’t get a seat when I was in labour, due to husbands/partners of women in the waiting area of the induction/monitoring/appointment room.
True story.
People are ridiculously rude

in labour?

Yep.

I find it very sad that nobody offers.
Yes there could well be people with hidden disabilities ( I know more than enough about this both personally and via other family members). There could also be pregnant women who really NEED someone with them (yes pregnant women can also have special needs, be mentally ill, or have disabilites and they can even have partners who are also disabled - I know couples and families where sadly every member has disabilities and/or other special or medical needs to contend with)
But there will 99.9% certainly be someone there who doesn't actually need a chair. However, I have seen pregnant women say, rather rudely, when offered any kind of help,' I'm not in invalid you know I'm pregnant! '(I've also seen similar behaviour when a disabled person was offered help they didn't want incidently). I still don't think this should stop anyone from offering but I think people can be very diffident or just downright indifferent about offering help if they think it might be rejected.
I'm just sad that people in general seem to be getting more selfish and rude in a lot of situations, and the more it happens the more it breeds it.
Not pregnant, but injured and disabled I was at a hospital and a nurse kindly held the door open for me, as I very visibly had a crutch under one arm, a collar around my neck, and a pot on the other arm and opening the door would have been impossible. You couldn't see the other injuries but they were actually a lot more serious than the visible ones. Before I got chance to shuffle through the door I was nearly knocked over by a chap rushing through the door past me. The chap turned out to be my consultant...
But back on topic, I would say, politely but so everyone in the room can hear, 'is there anyone that doesn't need a seat please, as I really need to sit down and don't want to trouble the medical staff if I don't need to?'

Please let's knock on the head this idea that 'choice' has anything to do with our manners when we offer people a seat. If I see a young man on crutches get on the bus, I don't ask him if he has a genetic medical condition or was the victim of assault or went on a skiing holiday - I just give him the chuffin seat. It's about giving according to need, not according to our judgements on people's lives.

How awful nobody has offered. I'd hate to have to ask need to work on my assertiveness

yanbu, it's basic manners to offer a seat to pregnant or elderly when no other seats are available as long as the person is able bodied etc. Obviously some won't have been taught basic manners.

he has trouble walking so sending him to another part of the hospital is excluding him and that is unreasonable. Why would you send a man who has trouble walking to somewhere else rather than have a chair for him? Do you deliberately seek to exclude the disabled?

Why would you make a very pregnant women who actually needs to be at the clinic stand rather than ask someone who doesn't need to be there to wait elsewhere? Are you seriously suggesting that it is some sort of paternal right to sit in the ante-natal waiting room? It's not as if he would be excluded from the examination itself. I suspect the reality is that there are plenty of partners who would be delighted to sit in a café rather than amongst loads of pregnant women.

Yes there is room for spare chairs, hospital waiting rooms have space for wheelchairs and buggies and all sorts.

Well yes, they need to have space for wheelchairs and buggies because they're liable to have more people around who need to use them. They don't need to have loads of spare chairs around on the off-chance that the ante-natal clinic will be overrun with people unable or unwilling to give up their seats to pregnant women. And does it occur to you that if that space were filled up with spare chairs, there might be the teensiest problem with wheelchairs?

I think it is pretty shocking that none of accompanying partners did not give up their seats!

Please let's knock on the head this idea that 'choice' has anything to do with our manners when we offer people a seat. If I see a young man on crutches get on the bus, I don't ask him if he has a genetic medical condition or was the victim of assault or went on a skiing holiday - I just give him the chuffin seat. It's about giving according to need, not according to our judgements on people's lives.

Perfectly said Ketzele.

I've gone with son and DIL so I could wait with the other children when they were having scan/seeing doctor.

Perhaps also if some people weren’t turning trips to the antenatal clinic into a day out for the extended family there would be room for the pregnant woman and her partner, disabled or otherwise to sit down.