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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a seat whilst waiting to see midwife

340 replies

Littlewreck · 05/04/2018 15:25

I’ve come to see my midwife for my 41 week appointment. I’ve been told there’s an hour wait at least. There’s no seats left in the waiting area. Am I been unreasonable to expect some of the non pregnant accompanying adults to give up there seats for pregnant woman?

OP posts:
willynillypie · 06/04/2018 17:25

FlakyToast

I think people are using the word choice in comparison to disability.

In a usual scenario I would give someone in a wheelchair precedence to me because they did not choose to be in a wheelchair, but I chose to be pregnant. Just because it is a natural instinct to procreate, doesn't mean that the side effects which occur from doing so are the same as being born without the use of one's legs. It also irks me when women with buggies hog the pavement or don't say thank you if you let them go past - it's entitled. People should stand for a pregnant woman or move for a buggy out of courtesy, but it isn't some sort of god-given right because you made the decision to have a baby. Other people's lives don't revolve around you and your offspring.

HOWEVER, in an ANTENATAL clinic, everything SHOULD revolve around a pregnant woman and her future offspring!

peacheachpearplum · 06/04/2018 17:28

Many a time I've been in the same situation but it was the pregnant ladies with their Mulberry bags on the seat next to them. Exactly but they aren't men so it doesn't matter. Everything is the man's fault on MN.

FrancisCrawford · 06/04/2018 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsLaurac · 06/04/2018 17:30

My husband is annoyed with his gender on this one he thinks its ridiculous a man would behave this way and thinks unless its essential the partner is there for scans and such they should bugger off to the canteen if they really must have a seat!

Mathmatical · 06/04/2018 17:31

You shouldn't have to ask, it should be offered!

My clinic had a sign that said 'can all persons accompanying pregnant women please give up their seats if necessary'.

People couldn't move quick enough lest they be in violation of the sign!

FlakyToast · 06/04/2018 17:34

Exactly but they aren't men so it doesn't matter. Everything is the man's fault on MN.

Oh sorry I think my eyes just rolled to the back of my head.

It's terribly rude yes, but the pregnat woman does actually have to be there and that wasn't what happened to the OP and wasn't the point of the thread we are currently discussing.

FrancisCrawford · 06/04/2018 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NellythePink · 06/04/2018 17:36

I think I would choose a phone tapping man at random, and then loom over him/make him feel uncomfortable until he got up. Rude twats

Icanttakemuchmore · 06/04/2018 17:37

Ask the midwife when you see her to see about a sign being put up that the seats are for pregnant people and anyone not pregnant should give up their seat if needed.

peacheachpearplum · 06/04/2018 17:38

Icanttakemuchmore, yes a non sexist sign is a good idea.

FrancisCrawford · 06/04/2018 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peacheachpearplum · 06/04/2018 17:42

Nobody has suggested otherwid Actually they have. Yesterday I was told that someone in the position I was when pregnant e.g. pregnant with disabled husband who has painful spinal condition, shouldn't have them there. It was a bonus for her that she could have her husband there.

My objection isn't to pregnant woman having priority, it is the assumption that the men are rude/entitled/twats or whatever when a man, like my husband, might need the seat much more than the pregnant woman's best friend/mother or other female companion.

FrancisCrawford · 06/04/2018 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

willynillypie · 06/04/2018 17:43

peacheachpearplum

Why are you so determined to make this a fucking sexism issue?!?! People are clearly meaning that ANY non-pregnant people should have stood up, but most have just used "men" or "husbands" because 99.9% of the time it's the baby's father accompanying. Jesus Christ, are you deliberately being obtuse?

peacheachpearplum · 06/04/2018 17:44

FrancisCrawford, you are talking like the disabled man is going to be the only non pregnant person with a seat which is ridiculous and even if he is then a seat should be provided for him, some folding chairs for disabled people or when the clinic is running so late that pregnant women are standing.

FrancisCrawford · 06/04/2018 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peacheachpearplum · 06/04/2018 17:45

willynillypie, so you haven't noticed the posts, some in the last hour or so, which specifically criticize men for not standing? They are sexist, I'm not the one making it sexist.

FrancisCrawford · 06/04/2018 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peacheachpearplum · 06/04/2018 17:47

FrancisCrawford you can think what you like. The hospitals have a different view as I know because I have been in that position. The midwives I saw felt disabled husbands had a right to reasonable adjustments and providing a seat for them is reasonable. I have seen other women being asked to move.

peacheachpearplum · 06/04/2018 17:49

FrancisCrawford, he has trouble walking so sending him to another part of the hospital is excluding him and that is unreasonable. Why would you send a man who has trouble walking to somewhere else rather than have a chair for him? Do you deliberately seek to exclude the disabled?

Lookatmeimsandradeeee · 06/04/2018 17:49

If I needed a seat and none was available, I’d sit on the floor.

willynillypie · 06/04/2018 17:50

peacheachpearplum

Did you not read my comment? People are criticising men as 99.9% of people who accompany pregnant women are the baby's fathers aka MEN. I am sure that within their criticisms they do include non-pregnant women, it just doesn't warrant saying. Similarly, I am sure that "non-pregnant people" is not intended to include those with hidden disabilities, but those people also make up about 1% of the waiting room in all likelihood so doesn't bode mentioning. If we had things your way people would be commenting thusly to avoid offending you:

"what absolute twats those non-hidden disability and non-pregnant men and women are who did not stand!" - it just doesn't run off the tongue in the same manner.

Additionally, some women may not look pregnant but may well be and suffering from morning sickness or discomfort, so may be seen as being seated for 0 reason.

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 06/04/2018 17:50

I hate this, whenever I see a pregnant women, those with children or elderly I vacate my seat for them. When I was pregnant and the waiting room was full my DP would always get up for another pregnant woman. It’s just common courtesy and respect which apparently isn’t all that common. I would never ask for someone to get up for me but that’s because I’m quite reserved and keep myself to myself.

FrancisCrawford · 06/04/2018 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peacheachpearplum · 06/04/2018 17:54

Did you not read my comment? People are criticising men as 99.9% of people who accompany pregnant women are the baby's fathers aka MEN. Not my experience at all, 99.9% really? So you don't generally see pregnant women with their mother, their children, their female partner? I'd say it was closer to 50/50 at clinics I've attended, in the past for myself but more recently when I've gone with son and DIL so I could wait with the other children when they were having scan/seeing doctor.