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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect a seat whilst waiting to see midwife

340 replies

Littlewreck · 05/04/2018 15:25

I’ve come to see my midwife for my 41 week appointment. I’ve been told there’s an hour wait at least. There’s no seats left in the waiting area. Am I been unreasonable to expect some of the non pregnant accompanying adults to give up there seats for pregnant woman?

OP posts:
CaptainBrickbeard · 06/04/2018 10:13

Sorry PurpleDaisies. I’ve seen that sort of comment before on similar threads but shouldn’t have jumped on yours without properly reading it Blush

GnotherGnu · 06/04/2018 10:14

FFS, where did I say that that didn't make them a "proper" father etc? If I'm in excruciating pain for any reason, I don't feel I'm in a position to support anyone, and wouldn't necessarily want that person to have to worry more about my pain than themselves and their baby.

Are you seriously suggesting that people who can't go to ante-natal clinics with pregnant women aren't proper fathers or partners, Purple?

PurpleDaisies · 06/04/2018 10:15

CaptainBrickbeard no worries at all. Appreciate the apology. Smile

#shortestbunfightever

balsamicbarbara · 06/04/2018 10:21

There isn't really much need for anyone who isn't pregnant to be there anyway. There would be lots of seats if the only people waiting were the actual people the appointment is for. Everyone else can wait outside or go for a walk or something.

BlueSapp · 06/04/2018 10:21

Some people are just determined with the wow is me attitude.

weneedtotalk · 06/04/2018 10:54

@stepawayfromgoogle

“StepAwayFromGoogle

@weneedtotalk - the 41 week pregnant woman could be in excruciating pain, you twonk! Ever heard of SPD? Disabled people don't have a monopoly on pain either. What is wrong with everyone? They were in an ANTENATAL waiting room.

It's a moot point anyway because we all know that everyone in a waiting room is not suffering from a hidden disability that causes them such excruciating pain that they can't stand up for a heavily pregnant woman. They are just rude and selfish.

Today 09:51 Babyplaymat

An antenatal clinic is for pregnant women. Regardless of ability to sit/stand, they are the target audience so a priority for seats!

Today 09:51 GetAwayFromHer

Hell yeah do I want special treatment when gestating part of the next generation

Daria your philosphical musings are interesting yet strangely irrelevant to the question at hand

Today 09:51 DariaG

@LondonZookeeper I absolutely agree, made an example only to show that it's wrong to investigate the reasons behind pregnancies and disabilities, choice or no choice, pregnant women need to sit down, especially while waiting for appointments
Always see men standing up and giving a seat to pregnant women in antenatal clinic though, after all they want their wives to be treated same way. And we have a lot of space there too just in different units, so if you brought in your husband for you blood test and he can't bare to stand - he could find a seat in the corridor or some other room

Today 09:56 DariaG

@GetAwayFromHer
Oh gosh, I should have quoted
Being old or disabled is not a choice. Being pregnant is (usually)

Today 09:59 CanIBuffalo

I would offer you a seat.
Bunch of bastards.

Today 10:03 GnotherGnu

You think that pregnant women should take precedence over those with disabilities when it comes to seats because they’re in an antenatal clinic? That disabled person could be in excruciating pain you twonk

Well, yes. Because the pregnant women have to be there, the disabled person doesn't. I'd question how much support they would be to a partner if they were in excruciating pain, and if they need a seat to relieve it there is generally somewhere they can sit outside the clinic.”

Funnily enough, considering I’ve been 41weeks preg with SPD I have heard of it Wink
Any Parent of that baby has a right to be there & if that parent has a disability which leaves them in pain, they should get a seat before any (including pregnant women) not in pain.

@GnotherGnu
What an incredibly disabilist comment to make. Can’t believe how ignorant some people can be. If you have a long term chronic condition you as a parent to that baby still has a right to be there as much as anyone else.

GnotherGnu · 06/04/2018 11:03

"weneed", you clearly haven't read my post properly. Where did I ever say that a partner with a long term chronic condition doesn't have a right to be there? What he or she doesn't have a right to is a seat in the clinic when that means leaving pregnant women standing. They can sit outside until their partner is called or a seat becomes available.

But, of course, as people have pointed out repeatedly, this argument is ridiculously hypothetical, because the likelihood of every seated non-pregnant person being disabled is tiny. Obviously non-disabled non-pregnant people should be the first candidates to give up their seats in any circumstances.

OOMG · 06/04/2018 12:14

Only on MN could a thread about seats in an antenatal clinic turn batshit crazy.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 06/04/2018 16:35

To be fair, we’d be worried if it didn’t OOMG!:o

FlakyToast · 06/04/2018 16:36

You need to ask someone... people aren't mind readers,

You really don't need to be a mind reader to think you need to give up your damn seat to the big pregnant lady in the waiting room for big pregnant ladies. Hmm

FlakyToast · 06/04/2018 16:38

Any Parent of that baby has a right to be there

Absoutely not the case actually.

FlakyToast · 06/04/2018 16:39

f you have a long term chronic condition you as a parent to that baby still has a right to be there as much as anyone else.

I'm sorry but massive lol at having the right to be there as much as "anyone" else.

No one has the right to be in an antinatal waiting room as much as a pregnant woman. For fuck sake.

peacheachpearplum · 06/04/2018 16:42

GnotherGnu the disabled discussion because of people critisicing men for not getting up and I pointed out that there could be a reason so it should be a question of able bodied people offering a seat even if God forbid that means a non pregnant woman has to stand.

You are absolutely right that non-disabled non-pregnant people should be the first to stand up.

I’d question how much support they would be to a partner if they were in excruciating pain, and if they need a seat to relieve it there is generally somewhere they can sit outside the clinic. Sorry, can't remember who posted this. Just to let you know that my husband was a great emotional support to me even though he was in excruciating pain if he had to stand (and in pain constantly for the past 30 years.)

peacheachpearplum · 06/04/2018 16:45

No one has the right to be in an antinatal waiting room as much as a pregnant woman. For fuck sake I think anti natal means something quite different to ante natal.

A pregnant woman, who may be having a difficult pregnancy or might be worried about test results or who might just be feeling needy or wanting to share the joy, has a right to have someone with her. I also think the medical professionals would support that.

BlueSapp · 06/04/2018 16:47

^ the point is not that they are there but they don't have a right to the seat! Biscuit

BakedBeans47 · 06/04/2018 16:52

Whilst I agree that disabilities and pregnancy are not really comparable, as yes pregnancy is a choice (usually), this was an ANTENATAL CLINIC!!! Jesus christ, obviously a pregnant woman should have precedence. It's also statistically ridiculous to try to suggest that most or all of the non-pregnant people would have a hidden disability.
This

TheRagingGirl · 06/04/2018 16:55

YANBU. Those men are selfish thoughtless twats. One feels sorry for their wives.

And to pp who say “Ask. They’re not mind-readers” Weeeeeell, up to a point, Lord Copper.

The point is, the OP shouldn’t have to ask. Good manners is about considering others. Those accompanying adults are badly mannered.

FlakyToast · 06/04/2018 16:55

I apologise for being shit at spelling, but I dont think we were discussing spelling and grammar Hmm I think we were discussing the inaccurate assertion that other people have a right to be at medical appointments. They don't. It's a medical apointment for a pregnant woman. The only person who has a right to be there is a pregnant woman, they are welcome to bring guests if space permits but the partner should sit somewhere else if there is no space and they need a seat.

A pregnant woman, who may be having a difficult pregnancy or might be worried about test results or who might just be feeling needy or wanting to share the joy, has a right to have someone with her. I also think the medical professionals would support that.

Yeah, you've just described every pregnant woman. Confused but for some reason they can just stand there for an hour or so another pregnant woman can "share the joy".

FlakyToast · 06/04/2018 16:59

I wish people would stop saying "pregnancy is a choice" as for many women it very often isn't.

For those who chose pregnancy. It's a natural human function, why should they be "punished" for doing it? Because women do it?

The men in the room "CHOSE" to get the woman next to them pregnant but they get a seat and the benefit of the doubt that all the men in the room have secret disabilities. Because why? Penis?

peacheachpearplum · 06/04/2018 17:03

the point is not that they are there but they don't have a right to the seat! If they can't be there without the seat then they do. I know your attitude is your husband can stand so women with disabled partners don't matter but that isn't the case.

Those men are selfish thoughtless twats and there we have it again, the non pregnant women are blameless, it is only men who are expected to be considerate.

peacheachpearplum · 06/04/2018 17:05

FlakyToast, no not because they have a penis because it should be all non disabled adults who are expected to stand. Is there any reason why you think an able bodied woman there with her daughter/friend/partner shouldn't stand?

Some men have as little choice as some women.

Scrumptiousbears · 06/04/2018 17:13

Many a time I've been in the same situation but it was the pregnant ladies with their Mulberry bags on the seat next to them.

FlakyToast · 06/04/2018 17:16

Is there any reason why you think an able bodied woman there with her daughter/friend/partner shouldn't stand?

Am I been unreasonable to expect some of the non pregnant accompanying adults
^The OP

Everyone of my posts bar one say "partner" or "people" and that's because I'm specifically asking why pregnant women "chose" to be pregnant and the men with them didn't. Whatever the sexuality of anyone in the room none of the pregnant women there were impregnated by another woman.

hmm.

It's almost like you're talking bollocks.

Maybe you can pick apart my SPAG some more.

FlakyToast · 06/04/2018 17:17

Well you should have sat on the bag then really scrumptious wee'd yourself a bit too Grin

Only thing for it.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 06/04/2018 17:21

@peacheachpearplum - I think the point is that in an ANTENATAL clinic waiting room the order of priority for seats is 1) pregnant women, 2) disabled people with them and 3) able bodied people with them. Your posts have suggested you think disabled people take precedence in this particular situation, which they don't. I think PPs are merely pointing out that it's generally men who are there with their partners and therefore generally men who aren't offering their seat to a pregnant woman. Absolutely agree that able-bodied, non-pregnant women should be expected to stand too.