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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really let down by DDs and niece spending £13 on chocolate?

258 replies

Plipplops · 05/04/2018 12:13

I have DDs (9 and 10) and had my niece (10) for a sleepover last night. Over dinner last night had a conversation about how important it is to eat healthily. DDs aren't keen at all on veg but are slowly slowly getting better (niece is way better but her mum doesn't like her having sweets etc. as she had dental problems when she was younger).

This morning they've asked to go to the café in the village (first sunny day in ages). I said yes, that they could have a small cake (cupcake) and a drink, not a massive slice of cake, and gave them £20 as I didn't have anything smaller.

They've got back and admitted they had 5 chocolate bars and a small piece of cake between them, plus a milkshake each (so drink laden with sugar). DD2 says she just had the cake and didn't finish it, plus 2 bites of chocolate. So DD1 and niece have had 2+ chocolate bars each, plus sugary drink?!?

I feel really let down. They all know better, I feel like they've really abused my trust. DD1 obviously feels bad - has come home and apologised, I asked if she thinks she made good choices and she's said no. Not sure what to do now (we were probably going to go to the beach but I sort of feel like they need to just tidy their rooms and feel guilty for most of the day). AIBU?

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 05/04/2018 16:59

Snowysky GrinGrin

colditz · 05/04/2018 17:08

You are being unrealistic in your expectations of children

Perhaps consider a parenting course so you have a better idea of what to expect.

Tinkobell · 05/04/2018 17:08

This is such a petty thread. 😟 I don't get your disappointment at all...your DD actually fessed up and told you the truth. All you've successfully done with your reaction is teach them to fib next time....very well done!

Tinkobell · 05/04/2018 17:10

Do watch Kathy Tate's Posh People on You Tube....you may recognise someone!

Moo678 · 05/04/2018 17:14

My kids are 8 and 6 and actually I would be disapointed if they had done this. I genuinely believe if I gave them a £20 note and sent them out for a cake and a glass of water that's what they would buy. (This is hypothetical though since they're 8 and 6 and I don't generally send them out on their own) You didn't specify what sort of drink so I don't think they can be blamed for the milkshake - it's hard to know that a milkshake is not healthy - it kind of sounds like it might be. Actually what sort of drink did you mean? Fruit juice is full of sugar as are fizzy drinks so unless you told them to have water nothing they drank was really going to be healthy.

I'm not sure they willfully disobeyed you - maybe they thought the substitutions they made were fair. I would probably explain that I was disapointed, not issue a punishment but not send them unaccompanied to a cafe again for quite a while.

Momo18 · 05/04/2018 17:20

It's a one off, ignore it but next time supervise. They've hardly eaten too much tbh

jamoncrumpets · 05/04/2018 17:23

Yup, this is still the funniest post I've read on here today

Tiddlywinks63 · 05/04/2018 17:24

we were probably going to go to the beach but I sort of feel like they need to just tidy their rooms and feel guilty for most of the day
...not guilt-tripping them....
Really 😳?
Your DD's apologised and you're still not satisfied? What the heck are you trying to achieve op?

brogueish · 05/04/2018 17:24

@KurriKurri Grin Love that!

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 05/04/2018 17:39

we were probably going to go to the beach but I sort of feel like they need to just tidy their rooms and feel guilty for most of the day

So instead of getting some fresh air, running around outside and burning off some of the sugar (which frankly what on Earth were you expecting...they’re 9&10)
You want them to stay inside all day because you’ve got some insane notion going on

Yes. That makes sense.

HeedMove · 05/04/2018 17:43

I genuinely couldn't get too worked up. However I would of told them what they were allowed to spend each. That way it's a lesson for them as they learn to budget and buy things within the limit.

battenbergbutterfly · 05/04/2018 17:45

YABU

Saz1995 · 05/04/2018 17:46

I think by getting worked up your girls will end up fibbing to you in the future in fear that they will get in trouble. However I can see why you're not happy either as they did go against your wishes.

MatildaTheCat · 05/04/2018 18:20

OP isn’t replying as she’s taken the girls to the beach and then for a fish and chip supper and ice cream. Grin

Ivorbig1 · 05/04/2018 18:24

You really need to calm down.
It’s one thing wanting your children to eat healthy ... that’s very important btw, I’m not belittling it.
But. When they buy or have free rein to buy never be surprised by the crap they choose. It’s made worse by rationing treats because they go crazy for it.

Ivorbig1 · 05/04/2018 18:26

Anyway they spent £4.33 each on chocolate, £13 makes it sounds like a huge amount, they shared it, and had milkshake. It’s not that much money for 3 people. Next time give them a £ each.

fuzzyduck33 · 05/04/2018 18:30

You will laugh about this in a few years op, feels horrible now but as pp have said it's not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.
Consequences? Well they owe you back the extra money they spent so had better start figuring that one out.... missed pocket money or little jobs to earn money.
Other than that though, relax.... you're doing a great job of teaching your dd's about healthy eating but they'll be adults before they really internalise it and make choices based on it.

LiteraryDevil · 05/04/2018 18:32

No way I'd let my 9 and 10 year old go off to a cafe on their own. That aside, did you really expect them NOT to buy cake and chocolate?! Hell, that's what I'd buy.

catinapoolofsunshine · 05/04/2018 18:34

Why not Literary ?

GilligansKitchenIsland · 05/04/2018 18:34

I kind of get why you felt a bit disappointed re them buying loads of crap, OP. 9 and 10 is old enough to know the difference between obeying or not. And also old enough to begin having conversations about healthy lifestyle choices - so not weird IMO that you talk to them about different food groups and encourage moderation. But this was probably a case of 3 giggly girls just getting caught up in the excitement of being out on their own, rather than any deliberate defiance.
The beach thing is confusing, as PPs have said. Far healthier for them to get some fresh air and run around than to sit in their rooms all day!

user1498572889 · 05/04/2018 18:37

They are 9 and ten. If you expected a different outcome you are somewhat deluded.

LiteraryDevil · 05/04/2018 18:43

Catinapool where I live the only children out on their own at that age are those from the rougher parts of town. Between our house and the nearest cafe there are three very busy roads to cross where people drive too fast. My eldest is 11 and slowly working her way up to being more independent ready for high school but that is a very recent thing.

topcat2014 · 05/04/2018 18:50

There is a cafe in our town that only sells puddings!

My DD(11) loves it, and goes there with friends. All set up in a cool 'Diner / US Style'

I tried, and it was too much for me - but DD loves it, usually once each school holiday.

Rest of the time she voluntarily eats fruit - which I struggle with as an adult.

Try not to stress, or impose too much adult angst on children - they will be fine.

Frusso · 05/04/2018 18:51

They're 9&10, if I sent my 9&12yos to a cafe with money they'd get milkshakes and cake/chocolate too. Pretty sure they wouldn't spend 90p+ on an apple, or a silly amount on a glass of squash.

Although if you look at it from another viewpoint, they likely saw the extortionate prices of cakes and thought they'd get better value with the chocolate bars.

Bluelady · 05/04/2018 18:52

Not everyone lives in a place like that.