To feel really let down by DDs and niece spending £13 on chocolate?

[Plipplops]

I have DDs (9 and 10) and had my niece (10) for a sleepover last night. Over dinner last night had a conversation about how important it is to eat healthily. DDs aren't keen at all on veg but are slowly slowly getting better (niece is way better but her mum doesn't like her having sweets etc. as she had dental problems when she was younger).

This morning they've asked to go to the café in the village (first sunny day in ages). I said yes, that they could have a small cake (cupcake) and a drink, not a massive slice of cake, and gave them £20 as I didn't have anything smaller.

They've got back and admitted they had 5 chocolate bars and a small piece of cake between them, plus a milkshake each (so drink laden with sugar). DD2 says she just had the cake and didn't finish it, plus 2 bites of chocolate. So DD1 and niece have had 2+ chocolate bars each, plus sugary drink?!?

I feel really let down. They all know better, I feel like they've really abused my trust. DD1 obviously feels bad - has come home and apologised, I asked if she thinks she made good choices and she's said no. Not sure what to do now (we were probably going to go to the beach but I sort of feel like they need to just tidy their rooms and feel guilty for most of the day). AIBU?

Bloody ell! Get over it!

I think the fastest way to give these kids a hangup about sugary food is to put a massive guilt trip on them about this.

OP, I would chalk this one up to experience & take them to the beach to run around.

My ‘what did I expect’ moment cake the year my ILs gave our older 2 boys penknives for Christmas at my suggestion. The little darlings whittled many many things before I really noticed. The coffee table. Their bed side tables. The toy boxes. Stab holes in the back of the sofa. They were (and are) good kids, but I did slightly set them up to fail. In my case I was so relieved that they’d whittled replaceable objects and not, for example, one another, that I shouted a bit, confiscated the penknives and let it go at that. You’ve all learnt something today - now let it go.

You said a cupcake and a drink each (x3). I think you need to be more precise next time.

They bought 3 drinks (exactly as you told them), 1 cake, and 5 choc bars instead of the other 2 cakes.

You're convinced that 2 1/2 choc bars is much worse than a cake. Both a Kit Kat
and a Costa Double Choc muffin have about 500 calories, so if the older ones had 2 kit kat's each, they doubled their calorie intake. See what figures you get for the food they chose, and show them. Not just calories, but fat and sugar too.

I think excess calories should mean more excercise, not slobbing around the house. Don't stop the beach trip.

Could they go for a 45 min jog on the beach to make up the 500 calories (eg) breakingmuscle.com/fitness/20-ways-to-burn-500-calories

Unless chocolate is some new street drug, YABVVU. I'd have expected no less from 3 10 year olds let loose with a twenty pound note! Wait til they are spending their lunch money on vodka and Dragon soup then you'll look at fondly at these golden, innocent times sigh.

YANBU. I think it's more about the fact that they went against the rules you gave them.

If I'd given them a set amount of money and said that they could buy a cupcake and one drink each then I'd be upset too.
Not so much if they'd instead bought a individual choc bar plus drink each, but to buy 5 bars, plus cake, plus drinks between 3; yeah, I'd be disappointed and would feel like I couldn't trust them with money.

I wish... on threads like these where someone has been a bit of a dick, and people have pointed that out, I wish just for once the OP would come back and say, "yeah, I was a dick...you're all right; I feel a bit bad now but will act differently in future." They never do. It's OP asks AIBU, OP is told YABU unanimously, OP adds in a few subsequent posts with a slightly wounded air trying to justify the original dickish behaviour and then more as likely disappears with a flouncy flourish. OP, other people have said it far more intelligently than I will but FWIW, I'm going to throw my voice in and say you've been a dick with your talk of trust abuse and your desire to want some little kids feel guilty for binging on some chocolate. There should be more guilt in this world: guilt felt by the 1% who have it all while 99% suffer, guilt because we've abused the environment irreparably, guilt by those people who use, abuse and cause grief and pain in their wake. The idea of wanting wee tots to feel guilt for buying a bucketload of cake? Honestly?? But, from your subsequent posts, it doesn't seem like you really think you've done anything wrong.

On a complete tangent, I think "flouncy flourish" is such a great phrase; might make that my new username.

Especially when it was mostly eaten by just 2 of them(if your other dd is being honest), and I'm pretty sure they've all got lots of choc at home atm, with it being Easter.

Two chocolate bars= around 500 kCal
Iced cupcake= also around 500 kCal

You gave 3 primary aged children £20 and let them loose in a cake shop- seriously what did you expect?! Laugh and move on! And make sure they have something super-healthy for dinner

I find it sad that the girls are now feeling bad about it instead of feeling happy that they went out, had fun, ate cake and we're just being kids! You've ruined the whole experience for them. So they over indulged on choccie bars and milkshake. It's not like it's a regular occurance is it? Lighten the fuck up.

did you say, " Here is £20, I want £16 back ?" If not why on earth not ?

They are 9 and 10 FFS. You are in for a LOT of trouble when they are teenagers if you are this upset by a few chocolate bars and cake ....

Ha ha ha brilliant

schrodingerstwat someone (not the OP but still) on a thread i was on yesterday made a bit of a tit of themselves (by misunderstanding something) and came back and said "oh look, I was a tit. Sorry about that, I didn't understaand" and I nearly fell f my chair. It was smashing and the thread rounded itself up in a flurry of reasonableness and jollity.

And, as my final point, I really want some cake now

I'd be disappointed and would feel like I couldn't trust them with money
Bloody hell, not you as well sciences. It's a learning curve for them. If they did it repeatedly fair enough but as a one off its not the end of the world.

I want milkshake, cafe milk shake is usually lovely you can have my cake Bitoutof

First it's cake and milkshake....

Next week it'll be cocaine and a bit of 'phet.

FGS they're kids who went to a bloody cake shop and bought cake. Get a grip.

You are being rather mean. My young adult children would do the same! Just take them to the beach and let them run it off. We all make mistakes. Don’t punish them. Next time they ask for cake money make sure you have change.

So 9 and 10 year old plus cousin go to a cafe on their own and eat sweets? Isn't it a little sad that the focus when they returned, was on counting up how many grams of sugar they'd consumed and not on how lovely a time they had? My 9yo would have been absolutely delighted with this kind of little outing. Tut tut op. Don't be such a bloody killjoy.

Their brains have not fully developed to be able to assess risk and deferred gratification. I’m ten years time you will laugh about this.

Almost 30 and still waiting for that.

It could have been worse...
I once sent a three, four and five year old to a campsite shop (I could see them from where I was) to buy toilet roll. They came back with bubbles. Only Bubbles!

@BitOutOfPractice A bit of bloody reasonableness and jollity is what I want from these threads!! Just that!! is it too much to ask?!!

Reminds me of the time ds2 (age 8) and a friend asked for some money to go to the local cafe about 10 minute walk away, to buy a drink and some chocolate, and they would sit in there to eat it.

Off they went with £20, and came back an hour later. I asked what chocolate they had bought. 'We didn't buy chocolate after, we had a bowl of soup and a fresh roll each, and a bottle of water'.

For the record I did have food in the house! Just the vision of two 8 year olds sat opposite each other with their bowls of soup- they must have looked like little old men.

My view may be clouded as I live in a rough part of London, but I'm a bit shocked you'd let primary school aged children out to a cafe by themselves if I'm honest

Totally agree! I just wouldn’t. Sugar- totally fine. Age 9 walking to a cafe. Absolutely not. Don’t live in a bad area either.