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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best friend won't come to my wedding.

765 replies

KatherineMayfair · 05/04/2018 10:46

Best friend is a bit of a stretch right now but she is my longest friend (time wise, not height wise). She was going to be a bridesmaid and my wedding is in a few months, however I got a message today from her saying she won't be attending as it's on her birthday. It is on her birthday but she knew that when she agreed and I bought her dress. If she'd have said it from the get-go then that would've been fine (I'd have still been a bit hurt but I'd have understood) but the fact that she's turned around now, after me paying for her and her husband and two children's meals for the wedding, RSPV'd yes and buying her dress, AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
ohhereweareagain · 05/04/2018 13:12

Why would you arrange your wedding around her birthday contrary to another poster asking why your wedding was on her birthday Confused. Geeez how old is she to still be so bothered about her birthday. Is she 5?

TheWernethWife · 05/04/2018 13:13

FFS - bit of a drama llama

TheViceOfReason · 05/04/2018 13:14

I'd be asking

"Look X, you knew the date of my wedding when you agreed to be my bridesmaid and everything was booked. I cannot believe that my oldest friend and bridesmaid would let me down 6 weeks before my wedding simply to spend a day at home eating cake. If there is something going on which you can't don't want to tell me the details of that's fine - let me know that's why and i won't pry. If for some reason you've decided our friendship is worth nothing to you, then please also do me the courtesy of letting me know so i don't waste any headpsace or emotion on this further."

cupoflemontea · 05/04/2018 13:15

Oh yes - that's much better!

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/04/2018 13:20

My dd is 9. She’s dying to be a bridesmaid but no one has asked her thus far. Even she knows you don’t pull out of something if you’ve committed to.

Please ask this woman what’s changed.

TidyDancer · 05/04/2018 13:22

Yeah I think there's something else going on here. I've pulled out of going to a wedding in the past because of an anxiety attack. I lied about the reason because I really didn't want to tell the truth. Is it possible something like that might be going on?

CatkinToadflax · 05/04/2018 13:22

I had someone pull out of my wedding at the last minute because she'd just noticed it was her nephew's birthday that day and they were having a tea party for him. Nephew was 19. Confused Hmm

But at least she wasn't my best friend or a bridesmaid!!

Emmasmum2013 · 05/04/2018 13:25

Maybe you've been a bit of a bridezilla OP? And your friend has decided enough is enough and just wanted to step down to avoid any more drama? And she's give you the birthday excuse so she doesn't have to tell you such?

I'm sure you're not a bridezilla but I'm just trying to think of reasons as to why she'd pull out so late in the game that aren't related to terminal illness or pregnancy.

lindyhopy · 05/04/2018 13:26

She is being ridiculous. There must be another reason, possibly jealousy?

3stonedown · 05/04/2018 13:26

Send what TheViceOfReason said.

The only reasons I can think of would be:
-She's made a pass at your fiance
-She's had an affair with someone who will be at the wedding
-She's really ill and doesn't want to tell you yet
-You're a bridezilla and have been a nightmare (you offence, you seem lovely but we don't know her side)

kierenthecommunity · 05/04/2018 13:27

There has to be something else going on. Who plans to spend their birthday just chilling at home two months in advance? It’s not like it’s this weekend and she’s knackered having had the kids or week or something

Or does she’s have form for being a dick?

snewsname · 05/04/2018 13:28

Be honest op. Have you exhibited bridezilla traits?

It is all consuming in your life but other people don't want it to be all consuming in theirs.

afreshnewname · 05/04/2018 13:28

I'd text and ask if she wants to tell you the issue that's cropped up or should you take this as her politely ending the friendship?

TolpuddleFarterOATB · 05/04/2018 13:31

OP - does she get on with your husband-to-be?

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 05/04/2018 13:32

I know someone who did this at the last minute because she thought the bride was making a mistake and really didn't like the groom. She couldn't support the marriage. She never said anything directly to the bride but made a weak excuse. Their friendship bombed.

I believe she'd hear something very unsavoury about the groom and couldn't reveal it due to client confidentiality (but I don't know for certain - I've picked up a few drunken comments over the years).

diddl · 05/04/2018 13:33

It does sound as if there's something else going on, but she doesn't appear to want to tell Op.

I'd leave her to it & try to recoup what I could I think.

Figgygal · 05/04/2018 13:38

is she 5? WTF cares enough about their birthdays as a grown adult to miss a friends wedding.

Gemini69 · 05/04/2018 13:39

IF the OP was displaying Bridezilla behaviour.... I suspect she wouldn' t be on here upset ...

OP would have Ripped the 'alleged' friend a new one and called her out.. instead OP has gently apologised to someone who has let her down badly...even offering a shoulder to cry on... after 'alleged' friend has given the cringing excuse.... but it's my birthday....

this isn't a Bridezilla people... this OP.. a lovely kind person.... Flowers

gamerchick · 05/04/2018 13:39

Well the only things I can think of is that either she’s sick of hearing about the wedding, or she’s the type where she likes to be persuaded to go to things, her bloke fancies you, she fancies your bloke or your bloke fancies her and some sort of hitting on has gone on. Jealousy? Some people can’t stand other people to have happy moments.

Personally I would let her get on with it but I doubt your friendship will recover properly.

UpSideDownBrain · 05/04/2018 13:41

I would have to say something.
I could't stand with being dumped 2 months before the wedding after you've paid for the dress etc.

SpringNowPlease2018 · 05/04/2018 13:43

OP you will have to ask her before the thread fills up.

btw I've just realised who you are - one of my favourite shows Smile

peterpanwendy · 05/04/2018 13:43

I think I'd love going to my best friends wedding on my birthday! You can always celebrate your birthday another day that week but I wouldn't want to miss my best friends wedding and she certainly wouldn't forgive me if that was my reason.

Must be something else up. I'd probe a bit more and also tell her how upset you are that she hasn't told you sooner! Why let you pay and attend the alterations etc if she had no intention of coming?

Tiddlywinks63 · 05/04/2018 13:44

I cannot understand why she first accepted clearly knowing it was on her birthday then suddenly that's the reason she's changed her mind.
Flakey barely begins to describe her.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/04/2018 13:45

*YANBU!

You only get one wedding. You get loads of birthdays.

Can't think of a better way to celebrate my birthday than at a big knees up for my best friend's wedding!

She's being a dck

This. With bells on

bonnyshide · 05/04/2018 13:45

Well....she said yes to being a bridesmaid, RSVP'd that they're coming and even made her food choice (all while knowing the date) and now she's had a change of heart.

Obviously something has happened that's made her change her mind and she's using the birthday as an excuse.

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