Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best friend won't come to my wedding.

765 replies

KatherineMayfair · 05/04/2018 10:46

Best friend is a bit of a stretch right now but she is my longest friend (time wise, not height wise). She was going to be a bridesmaid and my wedding is in a few months, however I got a message today from her saying she won't be attending as it's on her birthday. It is on her birthday but she knew that when she agreed and I bought her dress. If she'd have said it from the get-go then that would've been fine (I'd have still been a bit hurt but I'd have understood) but the fact that she's turned around now, after me paying for her and her husband and two children's meals for the wedding, RSPV'd yes and buying her dress, AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 05/04/2018 13:45

Also, now that I've seen your cake I'd like to do you the amazing honour of stepping in as bridesmaid, a role which surely befits two slices of cake.

You're very welcome

Grin
SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/04/2018 13:46

Having seen your cake, I would like to volunteer myself for Bridesmaid Services. I am also capable of eating four dinners, and willing to do so in the cause of Wedding Harmony For All.

(No need to thank me. I am All Heart Grin )

BitOutOfPractice · 05/04/2018 13:47

Ah SchadenfreudePersonified you were just a teeny bit late there. Soz!

HelpTheTigers · 05/04/2018 13:50

That's a lovely biiiig cake and I'm sure that we all deserve a slice.
(Shameless cake-marking)

SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/04/2018 13:51

Yes Bit

I didn't read right through.

I should have known you would beat me to it! Perhaps we could share the cake, have two dinners each and toss for the dress? Grin

CoraPirbright · 05/04/2018 13:52

OP you haven’t asked many posters’ question: is she normally flakey/a drama queen/centre of attention merchant? If this is out of character for her then I expect you are worried about her. Perhaps she has developed anxiety or depression? If this is out of character, I would message her: “ok there is NO way such a dear old friend would let me down so badly at the last minute without something being seriously wrong. You dont have to tell me anything but I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and if you need to talk, I am here for you”.

If, however, she is a drama queen, I would let rip and then block her forever more. Her behaviour is despicable.

Lacucuracha · 05/04/2018 13:54

Well, one of you is a bit out of practice of being a bridesmaid and the other takes pleasure in other people's misfortunes. It's best if I take on the mantle of Brides Maid, with all its incumbent cake eating
duties.

ReversingSnail · 05/04/2018 13:56

I think there's more to this as she was so enthusiastic before. It could be something she and/or her DP aren't able to talk about at the moment. A personal or embarrassing medical procedure or health issue, a pregnancy they're not discussing yet, debt problems, anxiety or something else none of us could guess. Perhaps you could say "I don't need any details if your reasons are private or sensitive, but is there more to this than just your birthday?"

Thymeout · 05/04/2018 13:56

She didn't send you this message on April Fool's Day, did she? It must be a joke.

ReversingSnail · 05/04/2018 14:02

Ask her in a kind and neutral way if there's more to it. Don't be accusatory at this stage, give her the benefit of the doubt. If she is covering up some problems such as depression or anxiety, medical investigations, redundancy or family problems etc. it would only add extra hurt.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 05/04/2018 14:06

I’d say it’s odd but honestly to pull out at this stage of the game knowing quite a bit of money has been spent on her being there is quite frankly rude especially with such a film flam reason as ‘I’m just gonna loaf at home on my birthday’ Hmm

She’s not one of these types who hates not being the centre of attention is she?

I’d push for the real reason, is she refuses to be honest I’d cut her out of your life.

IWouldLikeToKnow · 05/04/2018 14:07

Something has clearly happened to make her change her mind, or to make it impossible to make your wedding. She maybe doesn't want to create drama or fuss by telling you about it. Could be financial, could be health related but I wouldn't like to fall out with her over it. She clearly has her reasons and trust her on it. She'll let you know when she is ready to.
Good luck with your wedding

BitOutOfPractice · 05/04/2018 14:10

SchadenfreudePersonified that sounds like an excellent compromise, it's a deal Grin

BitOutOfPractice · 05/04/2018 14:11

Lacucuracha I can assure you that my cake eating skills are most definitely up to scratch

GetAwayFromHer · 05/04/2018 14:16

Cora

"OP you haven’t asked many posters’ question"

Yes.

Mumsnut · 05/04/2018 14:17

Hen! Hen! Hen! What about the hen night? Please tell me she's not organising it, 'cos she ain't turning up by the sound of it

RavenLG · 05/04/2018 14:18

Yeah I’d definstely be digging further into this. You can be so blasé about the fact you’re fucking off your “best friends” wedding for a birthday day in. Something is going on and we you need to find out! For your own sanity, this would eat me up!

Morsecode · 05/04/2018 14:18

On the flip side, have you been a bridezilla to her OP? Has she had enough, is that why you apologised to her?

Belliniteeny · 05/04/2018 14:20

OP, I can't think of a lovelier way to spend my birthday than getting all dress up with my bestie and being by her side as she gets married.

It would be sweet of you to put a little cupcake with a candle on her spot at the table, if she comes. You deserve this and if she isn't up to it, forget about her.

Have a fab day, I hope this doesn't taint it for you. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

TulipFromAmsterdam · 05/04/2018 14:22

She sounds very immature

Tainbri · 05/04/2018 14:22

She might be your best friend, but it doesn't sound like you're hers! She is being totally unreasonable. So what if it's her birthday? She gets one of those every year but your "best friend" doesn't get married every year! Crack on with out her and have a lovely day.

astoundedgoat · 05/04/2018 14:22

The "laying low" phrasing suggests that something negative has happened - a miscarriage, as someone suggests above, or a falling out/embarrassment involving somebody else at the wedding.

Obviously you can't winkle it out of her just for the benefit of Mumsnet, but there's clearly something else going on with your friend, especially as you don't imply nutter behaviour in her past.

RidingWindhorses · 05/04/2018 14:25

I understand why posters want to think something terrible has happened, but why wouldn't she tell her best friend that?

She may just be a twat.

MrsMozart · 05/04/2018 14:26

Cake!

Sorry OP. Sounds like something is up with friend. Need a discussion with her.

TokyoSushi · 05/04/2018 14:27

Hmm I agree, 'laying low; is a strange thing to do on your birthday, something has happened...

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.