Best friend won't come to my wedding.

[KatherineMayfair]

Best friend is a bit of a stretch right now but she is my longest friend (time wise, not height wise). She was going to be a bridesmaid and my wedding is in a few months, however I got a message today from her saying she won't be attending as it's on her birthday. It is on her birthday but she knew that when she agreed and I bought her dress. If she'd have said it from the get-go then that would've been fine (I'd have still been a bit hurt but I'd have understood) but the fact that she's turned around now, after me paying for her and her husband and two children's meals for the wedding, RSPV'd yes and buying her dress, AIBU to be pissed off?

Just finished reading the thread and my comment isn’t valid anymore-sorry!

So sad to see someone squander a friendship so long. I would be so hurt if this happened to me but hey, Her loss OP.

Have a brilliant wedding, you’ve lots to celebrate and don’t give her another thought xxx

BIL and fiancee get married on my birthday this year. I'm not bothered because I'm an adult. She sounds like a twat tbh.

You need to speak to her to find out why the change. That’s awful behaviour!

That's very weird of your friend. What's a birthday compared to a friend's wedding? She sounds self absorbed and inconsiderate.

Don’t get when adults make a song and dance about their birthdays unless it’s a milestone! I means it’s just another year when you get over the age of 25.

Op, if I were you, I would probably be getting this thread deleted

It's exactly the sort of thing bottom-feeding journalists will pick up, and there are enough details in there for your friend's wanker DP to recognise himself

If he is abusive and controlling, it could put her in a very horrible situation

Fuck her! What a dick.

For gods sake people RTFT, and if you can’t be arsed at least read the Ops posts

Birthdays come around every year! Weddings don't.
I'd consider if she is really a BF......
Something else going on here? Jealousy? Pissed off for whatever reason?
Enjoy your special day.

Reading it all, there are alarm bells ringing regarding one partner. I'm just not sure which one.

I think you should find out, OP. What do your friends say?

Is her partner threatened by yours, or does he know something you should?

What was your impression of him before all this?

Oh for goodness sake people
READ THE FULL THREAD

then cancel the cheque

Why doesn’t anyone have the sense to read the thread? I mean after 13 pages does anyone not have the realisation that there might be like an update? Gormlessly adding their two pennies worth of completely unrelated ‘advice’.

Or just read the updates. They are highlighted and easy to spot

So sorry OP.

I feel sorry for your friend. There is no doubt in my mind that she is being abused and controlled.

Attack is the best form of defence, hence the lack of shame demeanour. The “just lie low” text indicates that there has been a lot of drama her end. She will know that this is appalling behaviour and will probably need the dress to prove something to her DH, either in terms of it being a tangible demonstration/reminder of the consequences of his actions and secondly she might need to account for the money.

While your friendship is over, it might help you to think of her really not having any choice in the matter.

So sorry though, it’s an awful thing to have someone do to you. Xx

Lweji, similar thoughts.

Extremely weird. My hubby's best man's birthday was on our Wedding Day and now it makes it even more special. We always celebrate both occasions together and its great. I agree its very rude and mean of her to say yes and let you spend all that money and then back out. That's not a friend.

As you see from my
Moniker, I’m not a Mum so I probably shouldn’t be here. But M/N was really useful when planning our house refurbishment. I suggest you think about why she’s taking this position. It might be because she’s jealous of your happy circumstances; or that she thinks you’re being too self-centred about the whole business (brides-to-be can be like that, understandably enough); or that she’s decided that she just doesn’t like you; or that she doesn’t like your husband-to-be; or that she DOES like your husband to be ... or any number of things. The point is, though, to try and put yourself in her shoes. You might then be able to make a better guess of why she’s behaving as she is and to decide whether to behave sympathetically towards her or to dismiss her as the fuckwit you might decide she is.

It's just a birthday, who cares? Unless it's a milestone and already planned something before she agreed to be your bridesmaid. It definitely has to be for another reason. Like obviously you'd get people to sing to her and have a drink for her too, she's your best friend. This makes no sense.

On face value this looks like a shity thing to do. But you never know what’s going through someone’s head when they behave in a way that is perceived to be unreasonable. Perhaps she’s panicked about being centre of attention? Have you asked her calmly if the birthday thing is the real reason or if there’s something else going on?

Why would it matter if it was her birthday? She'll have a night out having drinks with friends at the reception... and also included in your big day.

It’s horrible when a friendship ends, I have disliked a few of my friends partners but I have never let this come between a friendship. Better off without and have a lovely wedding.

WHY CAN'T PEOPLE READ THE FULL THREAD AND THE UPDATES!?! JESUS CHRIST

Oh wow, I've just read the whole thread (sorry didn't before but had my 10mo squawking on my lap). Yes its a huge let down and they sound like a couple of dicks, BUT I do think it could be a little of what others have mentioned, i.e. a narcissistic controlling hubby. I, like some others on here, used to be married to one like that. Would suddenly think of reasons we couldn't go places. Didn't like any of my friends and tbh would make any occasions with friends of mine extremely uncomfortable for me (and usually friends as well), would sneer and look down on us all as if we were all below him (when actually total opposite was true). Also if he saw me having a good time with friends/family etc at a wedding or something he'd do or say something to make me upset or embarrassed so that I'd want to leave. On my sister's wedding day he managed to drink so much the night before he spent the whole day in our hotel room puking so that I had to keep going to check on him (but told me it was food poisoning!). It was horrible and so I can relate if that's what she's going through. My friends also thought my marriage was "happy" because I hid it well. Depending on how friend has been up until now (if this is out of character for her) then I'd maybe keep in touch, she may need friends in the future. Hope you have a wonderful wedding though OP, glad you could sell the dress and get money back for food. :-)