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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best friend won't come to my wedding.

765 replies

KatherineMayfair · 05/04/2018 10:46

Best friend is a bit of a stretch right now but she is my longest friend (time wise, not height wise). She was going to be a bridesmaid and my wedding is in a few months, however I got a message today from her saying she won't be attending as it's on her birthday. It is on her birthday but she knew that when she agreed and I bought her dress. If she'd have said it from the get-go then that would've been fine (I'd have still been a bit hurt but I'd have understood) but the fact that she's turned around now, after me paying for her and her husband and two children's meals for the wedding, RSPV'd yes and buying her dress, AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
impossible · 06/04/2018 18:47

Sorry - didn't read through whole thread.... Sounds like a friend you don't need. Have a fantastic wedding!

perfectstorm · 06/04/2018 18:51

This is really, really weird. I don't know if more is going on, which seems more likely but isn't about to be easily unravelled, or if this can be filed under people suddenly behaving hideously for no discernible reason (does happen, sadly), but I do know it has to hurt, and I'm really sorry you are confronted with it. Flowers

Fightthebear · 06/04/2018 18:51

Like other pp have suggested, this may be a red flag her DH is trying to isolate her from friends, by sabotaging her role as your BM.

I think the friendship is over though, which must be so so hurtful.

Sisimck · 06/04/2018 18:52

It shouldn't matter that OP's friend's DH doesn't like STBDH. She is her friend. No one is asking him to hang out with STBDH at the wedding. I am sure he has more important things to do anyway like, I don't know, enjoy his wedding with his wife, family and friends who are there to celebrate his special day.

Op's friend should have told her DH that he needs to either grow up and go to the wedding and have a lovely day with her and DC. Or, told him that she was going without him.

He doesn't have to be "best friends" if he just doesn't connect with OP's STBDH. Just being polite and supportive of his wife who should be there supporting her BF on one of the happiest days of her life, is all that is asked of this man.

I am so sorry OP. I do not understand people sometimes. I really don't!

Penygirl · 06/04/2018 18:52

Just caught up with the thread. You have shown yourself to be sensitive and caring in your communications with your friend op. Try to put it behind you now and have an amazing wedding and a wonderful future with your soon to be dh.

Iloveacurry · 06/04/2018 18:52

She’s not a friend and her DH sounds like a twat. I think you need to move on, I don’t think you can have a friendship after that.

TidyDancer · 06/04/2018 18:53

Gosh that update has surprised me. I'm trying to think what I would do if my DP didn't like a friend's OH....I think I would expect a bloody good reason if it was going to result in me not going to the wedding. Clearly that hadn't happened here.

So sorry OP. Sounds like she's a friend you don't really need.

AL75 · 06/04/2018 18:57

She is acting like a 6 year old! She is old enough to cast her birthday aside for just this year to celebrate her friend getting married! Sounds like she's jealous....

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 06/04/2018 19:02

Your "friend" and her partner have the shared maturity of a green banana.

Hope you have a wonderful wedding and don't give any headspace to these fuckwits.

TheFormidableMrsC · 06/04/2018 19:04

I went to a wedding. I didn't like either of them but was there due to my then husband. However, social etiquette and plain good manners meant that I delighted in their celebration with them. If your "best friend" can't do that, she is no friend. I am so sorry OP, this is unimaginably hurtful for you. I do hope she lives to regret her childish decision.

I wish you a wonderful, happy wedding day. Oh and FWIW, I find a dry sense of humour the best sense of humour Smile Flowers

YellowFlower201 · 06/04/2018 19:10

Tbh she sounds like a total arsehole. You're well shot of her.
Have a lovely wedding day.
Don't give her any headspace going forward. If it's easier on you block her. You're not friends anyway.

Wilberforce2 · 06/04/2018 19:11

Wow she is no friend, I’m really sorry op Flowers

Have you had a hen party yet? If not and you are having one, I wonder if she will still go or if you even want her there.

ALemonyPea · 06/04/2018 19:15

So sad that she puts her DPs feeling before yours, given you’ve been friends a long time. Why couldn’t she just come by herself then?

Try not to let it ruin your day, don’t give her a second thought.

treacletoffee23 · 06/04/2018 19:16

So....her husband finds your htb intimidating for some reason, so decides to try and ruin everything by controlling his wife. What a wimp. She could have left him at home.
Enjoy your day and be glad you are not her.....

Elend · 06/04/2018 19:20

Think this "friend" needs a holiday in the charming MN fave destination of The Far Side of Fuck. Just be glad you found out now, and not while she sat with a mardy face on through your whole wedding because of the Very Important Opinions of her husband. Small mercies.

Mumto2two · 06/04/2018 19:23

Had to comment on this, as this is exactly what happened with my 'longest' friend. And straight away, it rang similar bells. Her boyfriend at the time was an absolute control freak jerk. And he didn't like me, having met me once. I could see through his cocky attitude and just didn't feel he was genuine. Turned out he had a wife in the background, that my friend didn't discover for nearly 2 years!!! Meanwhile, she distanced herself from me, upon his direction. And actually rang me on the morning of my wedding, to say she couldn't come, as he didn't think it was appropriate for her to be mingling with my single men friends...she carried on seeing this toad for another 3 years after that. You couldn't make it up!
Enjoy your wedding OP, and leave them to it.

WashYourPanda · 06/04/2018 19:26

Neither Mr Panda or I were particularly keen on the fiancé of one of my closest oldest friends.
But she loved the twat, so we went to her wedding cos we love her and wanted to be there for hee6

WashYourPanda · 06/04/2018 19:26

her

milliemolliemou · 06/04/2018 19:33

Have a great wedding OP - and once you've got the money for the dress, just break contact.

Gemini69 · 06/04/2018 19:37

yeah get the Money FIRST .. before handing over the dressHmm

AmygdalaeOnFire · 06/04/2018 19:49

Really sorry this has happened OP. Someone I considered myself best friend wasn't at my wedding either and it was a big hole in some ways. I was kind of pleased that she showed her colours before the wedding, not at it or just after it. Especially the latter because that would have meant she'd have been faking happiness and any pictures with her would have made me sad. In the end I had a great time with people who were genuinely happy and genuinely cared. Enjoy your wedding and your lovely guests!

raisedbyguineapigs · 06/04/2018 19:52

If you think, looking back on it that she is in an abusive relationship rather than just being a twat, make it clear to her somehow that for now, you can't be friends with her because of her and her twattish DH's behaviour, but if at a later date her or her children need you, you'll always answer the phone. If something else is going on, she may feel she has lost all her friends and cant turn to anyone. Bus she may just as easily be a dick and have met her perfect match in her twattish DH.

underthewillow · 06/04/2018 20:01

Just a thought...could it be that she would feel under pressure being a bridesmaid? I wouldn’t ever agree to being a bridesmaid because of the anxiety of it all!

ilovemakkapakka · 06/04/2018 20:04

Bless you , you have been very dignified in the face of appalling behaviour. I hope you can put her & her OH behind you and have the wonderful day you deserve x Flowers

LizzieDarcy1907 · 06/04/2018 20:09

I'd consider any friendship well and truly over now, OP. How can you keep on seeing someone who doesn't like your DH?? This must have been horrid for you. Put her to the back of your mind and have a wonderful day with your true friends and family Flowers

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