Best friend won't come to my wedding.

[KatherineMayfair]

Best friend is a bit of a stretch right now but she is my longest friend (time wise, not height wise). She was going to be a bridesmaid and my wedding is in a few months, however I got a message today from her saying she won't be attending as it's on her birthday. It is on her birthday but she knew that when she agreed and I bought her dress. If she'd have said it from the get-go then that would've been fine (I'd have still been a bit hurt but I'd have understood) but the fact that she's turned around now, after me paying for her and her husband and two children's meals for the wedding, RSPV'd yes and buying her dress, AIBU to be pissed off?

Patti
Ime someone, who’s a bit of a lad is often rude and insensitive. I cannot abide men like this. Not sure about a dry sense of humour being code for rude and insensitive. I can imagine that both men wouldn’t get on terribly well though.

Is she one of those people who, whatever age they are, believes a birthday should be all about them and doesn’t want the attention elsewhere?

Your bf of many years isn’t coming to your wedding as she /her dh don’t really like your hubby to be

Yet before she was happy to. To go and chase a dress etc

Weird

Guess give her the dress - get the money and either invite another couple or get the refund back

And goodbye friendship. It’s not going to come back after this :(

So I feel as though I recognise the personalities involved. I would say your HTB sounds more intelligent and inclusive, and her husband feels threatened and is quite probably controlling and abusive, at least emotionally. If she has been a good friend for a long time I can't think of another reason for her backing him and not just saying 'Fine, I'll go alone.' That's what I'd do if I had the misfortune to be in a relationship with someone so self absorbed and rude. Those types can be very good at convincing their OH that they want the same thing, either by mental coercion or abuse. Either way, sounds like she's sadly lost to you, unless the fog lifts and she sees him for what he is.

Just read most of the thread and your updates. Your “friend” and her hubby sound horrid. Bin her as a friend as no real friend would treat you like this!

You’ve been lovely through all this. I hope you have a fantastic wedding. Don’t let it spoil your day.

She’s playing nasty games with
You. Get rid!

I think you have behaved admirably throughout, OP! Unlike your friend and her husband.

Do make sure you get back the money for the dress (and shoes, if there are any). I would text her now, whilst she is still (hopefully!) feeling guilty, tell her how much she owes and when would be convenient to deliver/collect. Don't let her off the hook with that one.

I’m sorry she sounds awful. I’m not sure I’d want to be friends after all of it. To be so casual when she’s just dropped out of your wedding party is really unfair and then making comments about not liking your dh is horrible.

Unbelievable
Enjoy your day with your true friends x

Mummyoflittledragon, I agree, both laddish behaviour and dry rudeness can be difficult, it's a clash of personalities that is very unlikely to be reconciled in the future.

She sounds like an absolute bitch

I hope that you have a great day . On the face of it she does no seem to be much of a friend ....try for that refund and think about all the other things that are going on. Just let her go....

I would be so fucking hurt by her reasoning and how she came across so uncaring. Looks like you are minus a friend now, I would never be able to forgive her.

Don't let it spoil your excitement for your wedding OP, there's nothing you can do about her now.

I don’t think YABU at all! She is definitely in the wrong! Similar happened to me and my best friend (no longer a best friend tho) decided 2 weeks before that she wouldn’t be a bridesmaid nor attend. I was upset. My make up lady said that it is classic she does a brides make up at least once a week that says the same thing. She says it’s down to jealousy. They aren’t happy with their life and feel green eyed over your happy event. Weddings certainly bring about peoples true colours I believe! Write her off, enjoy your day, and give her no more thoughts or energy. Oh yeh and sell her dress on eBay 😂😂

That's dreadful behaviour. Agree that her DH sounds like a controlling dickhead, but I also think your friendship is over. I'd sort out the dress situation asap so that you can move on from this and enjoy the run up to your wedding. I hope you and your STBDH have a wonderful day.

Wow- not a friend! I'd be loathe to give the dress as would have the death she has some odd, nefarious plan!

so sorry op-especially about her being uncaring about it

if she didnt like your dp when you asked her she cold have said no then-if my dh didnt like someone id go without him

i prefer dry sense of humour to laddish myself-not everyone does but her dh sound slike an immature twat

shes meant to be your best friend

Sorry, responded after only reading the first page - bit of a forum noob. Having read the rest I think you just have to move on and let this 'friend' go and enjoy your day. We can't all get on with everyone but I would seriously expect my hubby (and would have faith in him being fine with) being able to tolerate someone he didn't like for the sake of a friendship that mattered to me. As I would for him. On one bloody day for heaven's sake - nobody's asking them to move in with you both.
And where did she think this would go? Oh' I'll tell my good friend that we find her partner so obnoxious we can't possobly put up with him for a few hours for her sake then everything will be hunky dory afterwards? I suspect there was some kind of joint decision, that you and your OH are not 'their kind of people' - if not explicitily then she's let him make that decision for her - either way there's just no room for you to have a good relationship with her after this.

This happened to my son with his best man . He was asked and accepted and then at the last minute dropped out because he was “ not the right person” but it was because he did not actually like the Btb. It was extremely hurtful and emabarrasing . Then when the “friend “ split up fromhis girlfriend who did he turn to ? My son .

Why do these people think they have to be judge and jury? Surely a true friend sticks by you through everything? Your friend should just get off her high horse , but I bet she will miss out on a lovely wedding and you should mention her in your social media pictures saying so sad you could not join us all 🥂🥂🙄

Wow. She isn't your friend. FWIW my best friend is getting married in December to a man I loathe and suspect will break her heart. I will be at her wedding because she's my friend and she loves him and that's all that really matters. I'll also be there to pick up the pieces.

I'm not saying she feels as strongly about your soon to be husband but even if she did a true friend wouldn't hurt you like that.

Enjoy your day, get the money back on catering and spend it on something amazing on your honeymoon! xx

Let her go, sounds similar to how my bridesmaid acted for my wedding and stressed me out completely. Haven't spoke to her since, you don't need toxic people in your life. Have a great day and Enjoy your wedding

What adult cares that much about their birthday, really?! One of ofmy friends got married on my birthday and one exactly a week before I had my son - they are the only 2 anniversaries I remember throughout the year!

You could ask her (kindly) if there is something worrying her. Pulling out does seem a little odd but maybe she's having problems.

If she says there's no problem then let it go. At least she knows she was expected and welcome.

This reeks of envy. I think she’s deeply jealous of you, and her loutish twat of a DP feels inadequate next to yours, and their behaviour is a calculated act of aggression, and they can fuck right off.

They have done you a favour, you can leave them behind.

Have an amazing wedding day