Best friend won't come to my wedding.

[KatherineMayfair]

Best friend is a bit of a stretch right now but she is my longest friend (time wise, not height wise). She was going to be a bridesmaid and my wedding is in a few months, however I got a message today from her saying she won't be attending as it's on her birthday. It is on her birthday but she knew that when she agreed and I bought her dress. If she'd have said it from the get-go then that would've been fine (I'd have still been a bit hurt but I'd have understood) but the fact that she's turned around now, after me paying for her and her husband and two children's meals for the wedding, RSPV'd yes and buying her dress, AIBU to be pissed off?

oh WOW.. is she going to wear the Bridesmaid dress on her Birthday

hahahahahaaaaaaaaaa she a LOON

Do you have any mutual friends who are more likely to know wtf going on?

Sorry she has done this! Don't giver her the dress till you have all the money up front re food is there anyone left you would quite like to come but couldn't accommodate/wouldn't be offended about being serving tier! I would completely disengage with this person block on social media text whatsapp ect, And I agree with pp I'm not a big fine of some of my friends DHs but I didn't boycott the wedding because of personality clashes! She's not a friend!

What a horrible woman.

Is there nothing her DH could be jealous of? There sounds more to it. Is her DH a bit thick and easily I?

I think it will be the end for me too.

I don't think she's going to wear the dress on her birthday

Have you asked the fucking cow for the money back?

• easily intimidated

I updated about the money.

Words fail me.. I really can't understand how rude some people can be. Yes, we've all had friends who meet OH's that may not be quite our cup of tea etc, but to not go to your best friends wedding because your husband doesn't like the groom is utterly atrocious behaviour. It's not as if they are being forced to spend a week alone in a tent together. It's just one day of socialising and having a nice time. I doubt her husband will ever get a chance to spend more than a few minutes chatting to your husband anyhow. You'll both be so busy. Really nasty behaviour. I couldn't come back from this if it were me. I would just block both on my phone and move on. I would never being able to look my "friend" in the eye again...

Oops, cross post 😊

Don't giver her the dress till after the wedding! Don't let her post pics in it till after your day!

If she was so uncaring I'd definitely go with either her or dh being jealous. Or both.

And also, it's very easy for her to blame her dh for something. May not be the case at all. It's not like you'd ever approach him about it.....

Reanimated I used to have one like that, it was my first thought on reading the update. The blase manner of the friend is exactly how I was trained to be under any questionning.

Katherine as a final act before you gracefully withdraw from her, please read and then consider sending her this link:

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/recognising-domestic-abuse/

If the friendship is dead, and I'm way off the mark, there's nothing to lose. It's just the very 'last minute' implausible nature of this sets off my alarm bells.

Yes, as reanimatedSGB says. Might not be the case here but so many times my x mortified me. She may be a ''cow'' or it might be that her own life is more complicated than you realise.

I remember getting v tearful at a wedding once, when I was pregnant by abusive x so too late (or felt it) and I felt their genuine love for each other. And all the good wishes heaped on them. It was more than just plain jealousy. It was an horrendous realisation that I had an abuser when my friend had a loving husband. And that is not easy. That cannot be put aside with a quick ''don't be jealous''. I'm not a jealous person by nature but there are moments in life that force you to reassess and this could be one for the OP's friend.

My best guess is her dh and her feel your fiancée is somehow looking down on them? You say he has a dry sense of humour?? Seriously do you mean rude/superior?? Maybe he has offended them or rather the bloke and she’s taken offence too??

It’s stupid but that’s my guess and it was probably the last time they met? Think back. Ask your fiancée.

Still think she is being very mean to you though.

I agree Weezol, that last minute refusal.

Maybe the friendship is dead, but the OP seems quite wise and she seems like she would have been more aware than to choose a friend who'd rather sit on her arse than go to her wedding.

The OP cannot speak badly of the friend. She has reported facts very succinctly but seems in shock about it. There's no of ''grrr knew she'd let me down'' back story vibe at all.

All I can say is that I am projecting! I had to let people down all the time before I left my x because I was aware enough to know he was unreasonable and so therefore too embarrassed to tell anybody. I kept up appearances. Until I didn't.

I feel so sad for you that she imparted the news in that manner. No anxiety, no regret, no embarrassment. It sounds more and more as though it’s a mutual decision on their part. It must have felt like death by a thousand cuts to you though.

When your soon to be DH gets home give him a big hug and remember it’s your opinion that matters. Look forward to a day where you know all the people there are only there to wish you well.

Meanwhile Cuntychops can sit in her BM dress eating cake like a modern day Miss Havisham. Let’s hope it makes her sick.

Who even cares about their birthday as an adult?! What a weird thing to do

oh wow just read the updates, she's no friend OP :( One of my own best friends is getting married soon and my DH and her STB DH were very good friends but things have been a bit frosty with them lately, he felt like he didn't really want to go, I said, do whatever you want but she's my best buddy I'm going regardless (he is going now though)

I’d either try get money back for the dress or flog it on ebay so you can just cut ties completely.
Still doesn't make sense any of this. I find it hard to believe somebody signs up to going to a wedding with their whole family, even though the two adults in the family dont like the bloke. Then pull out. Why agree in the first place? Something must have happened. My guess is they know something about the future DH. Just a hunch though.

What does your HTB think of laddish DP of your friend?

Not a lot I bet

I’d definitely charge her for the dress.

Check your seating plan before deciding whether to upgrade evening guests. See if there’s a table where they’d fit in.

YANBU. She's a grown woman and ducking out of being a bridesmaid at the last minute because it's her wedding is pathetic. I'd have thought it was a fun way to spend her birthday. Very off to tell you so late too.

I really, really feel for you. You sound like such a lovely person, ready to give your 'friend' the benefit of the doubt right until the end.

Even if she is struggling with something she can't share with you there is no need at all to upset you. She is just a very nasty piece of work and you are well rid of her.

I hope you have a fantastic wedding. I am sure, as you are so lovely your married life will be too. Unlike your friend's.

I am a little heart broken for you that this is the outcome. How sad. I wouldn't bother selling the dress to her. If she asks, just say that in fact, the dress and the money are rather beside the point in the whole thing. She should have turned up and smiled on your wedding day and then slowly let you drift apart, unless you asked, or perhaps even better, carried on your friendship without partners. Don't stress about the money. It is incidental in the story but what a sad end to your friendship.