Best friend won't come to my wedding.

[KatherineMayfair]

Best friend is a bit of a stretch right now but she is my longest friend (time wise, not height wise). She was going to be a bridesmaid and my wedding is in a few months, however I got a message today from her saying she won't be attending as it's on her birthday. It is on her birthday but she knew that when she agreed and I bought her dress. If she'd have said it from the get-go then that would've been fine (I'd have still been a bit hurt but I'd have understood) but the fact that she's turned around now, after me paying for her and her husband and two children's meals for the wedding, RSPV'd yes and buying her dress, AIBU to be pissed off?

@KatherineMayfair

After just seeing your update OP, (on the previous page,) I think her partner sounds like a controlling nob and she sounds weak and feeble and a dreadful 'friend.'

Ghost her. She doesn't deserve you.

@oliviapope

Is her DH generally overbearing and a man who likes to get his own way? Because if my other half had turned round and said he didn't want to go to my best friend's wedding because he didn't like the groom, I'd have said fine, we'll make an excuse for you and I'll go on my own. Nothing would've stopped me being there, even if I wasn't that keen on him myself. I'm so sorry this is the end of your friendship.

This... ^ As I said, the OP's friend's other half sounds like a controlling nob.

As a number of posters have said, there was definitely something more to it than it being her birthday.

Sad.

Hope you can enjoy your day still.

whats YOUR thoughts on this OP.....

how do you feel about what they have done to you and your STBDH ... I hope you're going to be honest with him.... and tell him what they did.. they are scum

I wouldn't want people that aren't rooting for myself and stb DH at the wedding. Even if she changed her mind, whenever you'd turn in their direction you'd know his/their true feelings.

Good riddance I say. Respect her honesty though. Very few would say the real reason.

I feel like there must be more to this. Has your fiancé ever done anything to offend them? Do your other friends like him?

@Shinycat sounds like it was a lot of fun. 🎉🎉

I've haven't had an inclination to think her DH was 'controlling'. He's a bit like a 'lad', however I do think that she feels she has to 'look nice' for him on a day-to-day basis so perhaps he is?

Er ya think!

I don't think DH to be has done anything to offend either of them, I've never picked up on it, they're very different though, her DH is quite loud and 'laddish' whereas my DP is a lot more reserved and, as I said, can have a dry sense of humour.

So she can't or won't go without him?

She said that she feels like she has to support his decision. Needless to say I was upset and made it clear that I was.

So your one time BF and supposed BM is not going to your wedding as her DH doesn’t like your STBDH sense of humour?? I call bullshit on that as well, I think this is another made up excuse (or at least I would like to think it’s made up as I can’t fathom any adult actually not attending a wedding because of this)

Oh op I feel so sorry for you. Regardless of her DH opinions surely you as her friend should trump whatever "feelings" he has about your soon to be DH?!

Our best mans 30th birthday fell on our wedding day. We had him a cake made, the toastmaster introduced it and the entire reception sang happy birthday. His gf and all his mates were there and it was a free bar. Pig in muck!

How did she react when she saw you were upset?

I think the pair of them are dicks!

Wow! What she's done is pretty much unforgivable. Even if she doesn't like your DH then she should be there to support you.

It sounds like there is a lot more to this than meets the eye (on her side, not yours OP).

I'm glad you let her know you are upset. She deserves to feel guilty over this.

Wow, what a crappy friend op. If my dh didn’t want to attend a wedding of a friend for that reason (which he actually wouldn’t do as he’s not a prick) then I’d go on my own.
I definitely couldn’t continue to be friends with someone who would treat me that way.
Don’t let it spoil your day

OP - I can't stand my friends DH (no one can but that's a different story...) but I would never have not been there on her wedding day. I'd let her drift away if I was you. Hope you have a great wedding day xx

You must be devastated OP. But now you understand.
However you've got to support your stb husband and drop her.
Awful behaviour from her and her partner sounds like a complete dick.

Shes totally out of order, I'd just write it off, and don't waste your time on her anymore. Have a lovely wedding and let her do one, you don't need the negativity.

I feel sorry for you OP, she has really let you down and she is not a true friend, it's quiet inexcusable and unforgivable. I'm glad you let her know that you are upset.

I wouldn't make contact with her moving forward.

What an absolute pair of a**holes! Her DH sounds very controlling! Even if he dislikes your df he should be prepared to go for his DW, he doesn't need to like her friends but he should support her in keeping her friendships! It sounds like her DH has been looking for the perfect excuse to get you out of the equation! I bet he dislikes the idea of other people looking at his wife in her bridesmaid dress!

Her DH is a control freak and she is making excuses to avoid aggravation.

What a cow though! She could of offered to reimburse you for the dress at least.

Please tell me you won't be buying her a gift, or a fucking card for that matter.

Sell the dress and enjoy your day!

Well she’s pretty awful then.

So her DH doesn’t like yours. She could still come to your wedding without him. To make up a lie about suddenly caring that it’s her birthday is low and really, she must have realised you were going to see through that.

How much time would your DH and hers actually spend together on your wedding day?! How much time would she actually spend with your DH, even as a member of the bridal party?! It’s ridiculous.

You are well and truly better off without her.