Best friend won't come to my wedding.

[KatherineMayfair]

Best friend is a bit of a stretch right now but she is my longest friend (time wise, not height wise). She was going to be a bridesmaid and my wedding is in a few months, however I got a message today from her saying she won't be attending as it's on her birthday. It is on her birthday but she knew that when she agreed and I bought her dress. If she'd have said it from the get-go then that would've been fine (I'd have still been a bit hurt but I'd have understood) but the fact that she's turned around now, after me paying for her and her husband and two children's meals for the wedding, RSPV'd yes and buying her dress, AIBU to be pissed off?

Friendships over sweetheart....

Enjoy your wonderful Wedding without her... she's not a friend ...

I can't give full details just now but I went and I probed a bit and she essentially said that she does want a nice, quiet birthday at home with her family so that wasn't a lie but her DH doesn't like my stb DH. Our partners have only been together twice for over 15 mins, they've met a lot in passing for 5/10 mins but have only spent two proper occasions eg going out for dinner as couples together. Friend also said that she wasn't very keen on stb DH, can tolerate him etc but she won't be coming due to her DH's feelings towards him (and was adamant that 50% of the reason was because of her birthday).

Yes you are right to feel hurt, your wedding is important to you so weather it's her birthday or not she should be by your side. If my best friend had done that I wouldn't mind at all and would never change my mind after things have been paid for

Wow just wow, not such a great friend then

And yes, I don't think we can come back from this.

Also, I didn't answer 'what role did you have at her wedding'- just a guest but she didn't have any bridesmaids, just a niece as a flower girl.

Doesnt sound as if its got anything to do with her birthday at all, she agreed to be Bridesmaid knowing the date. Did she give a reason she doesnt like your partner?

I hope you told her.. your friendship is over.. because there is NOWHERE to go from here OP ... she's nasty

OP I am assuming you haven’t changed STB DH since asking her to be BM so why on earth did she even agree to do it knowing how she and her own DH felt?

Apparently her DH doesn't like him because his sense of humour is very dry and I understand that grates on some people but still.

Then the friendship is pretty much over, because she's messed you around like this.
Mind you, the PP who asked if her H was a dick may have a point. How do you find him - OK and normal, or a bit inclined to boss your friend around? There are men who like fucking up their partner's social arrangements at short notice, for spurious reasons, because it's all about making sure the partner will obey and put the H first.

Snowy apparently her DH announced just over a week ago that he won't be going due to feelings.

She and her DH do realise it's YOU who's marrying your fiance, not them, don't they?

So when she sent her family meal choices she didn't realise the date was her birthday and she didn't know who you were planning to marry.
Yes she is totally unreasonable
Xx

so He left it until you'd spent all that money on his Wife's Bridesmaids dress and alterations ... then let you play for all their meals.. including kids... then announces he's not going...

He's a DICK.... and he's has done this deliberately... so you're out of pocket... She's just as bad for following his behaviour

OP, I knew it it is something to do with her DH. Celebrating a birthday sounds as a very bad excuse. She could have come up with a better excuse really.
Nevertheless, if I had to do this I would be VERY apologetic, offer the money for the dress and try to help you to get a refund for the booked rooms etc. If I had to do it I would be so embarrassed to let my friend down like that before her big day.
OP, I really wish you to get money back for what you had already paid for your friend. Hope you sell the dress as well.
Wouldn't want to see them again. Birthday celebration is a cunty excuse. It's like an insult.

I’m so sorry to hear that OP. It must really hurt. Now you have to decide where to go from here with your friendship, but I cannot see it going any further.
Have a wonderful wedding, you sound lovely and I wish you many years of happiness with your DH

Pair of pricks.

This is totally unreasonable. But being honest I wouldn't want to burn all bridges as it does sound as if her DH could be somewhat controlling.
So I'd like to be floating around, reachable just in case she ever came to her senses and needed me.

I would also have a conversation with your fiance to see if he has any opinions on them (although I wouldn't be surprised if he is mystified).

Is her DH generally overbearing and a man who likes to get his own way? Because if my other half had turned round and said he didn't want to go to my best friend's wedding because he didn't like the groom, I'd have said fine, we'll make an excuse for you and I'll go on my own. Nothing would've stopped me being there, even if I wasn't that keen on him myself. I'm so sorry this is the end of your friendship.

Well obvs if she was any kind of mate she would come on her own regardless. What is your DH like? Has he done something to nark them both?

Did she at least offer to pay for her dress OP? The dress she's gone along with having altered and paid for? The reason sounds piss weak, and an excuse, unless your wedding is tiny and her DH is going to actually have to sit next to and converse with yours all day. EVEN SO, WTAF?

She needs to pay you back for the dress! I'd be demanding that and id be giving her a right old piece of my mind. What a pair of total twats.

That’s awful OP. She can try and say it’s “mainly” Birthday related but it’s clearly bullshit.
I’d bill her DH for the dress and meals tbh the CF

There is sense that there is more to all of this than meets the eye.

Don't know what the OP's friend's issue is tbh. We had our silver anniversary, on the same weekend as my nephew's 18th, AND my SIL's 40th! We wanted a party but knew it would be a struggle, as SIL and her son (my nephew) were having a party.

So we all pooled in and had a combo party for HER 40th, our 25th anniversary, AND my nephew's 18th. It was fab, we all saved money, (as costs were split,) and everyone was able to come. Fab memories.

Me and DH didn't feel slighted or pissed off because all the attention wasn't on US, and SIL and nephew didn't either. We had a brilliant time with out family and friends.