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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best friend won't come to my wedding.

765 replies

KatherineMayfair · 05/04/2018 10:46

Best friend is a bit of a stretch right now but she is my longest friend (time wise, not height wise). She was going to be a bridesmaid and my wedding is in a few months, however I got a message today from her saying she won't be attending as it's on her birthday. It is on her birthday but she knew that when she agreed and I bought her dress. If she'd have said it from the get-go then that would've been fine (I'd have still been a bit hurt but I'd have understood) but the fact that she's turned around now, after me paying for her and her husband and two children's meals for the wedding, RSPV'd yes and buying her dress, AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
Coconutspongexo · 06/04/2018 06:39

Failingat40

How lovely are you? Suppose they say takes one to know one

Alwayswonderingwhere · 06/04/2018 06:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedMugMadeLocally · 06/04/2018 06:53

Bizarre. Place marking.

rumbelina · 06/04/2018 06:53

How weird it’s your wedding day! Don’t pander to her (unless it turns out she has v good reason!), she’s being a selfish twat.

CardinalCat · 06/04/2018 09:54

Hope it goes ok today.
I can imagine you are preparing for one of 3 outcomes:

  1. she confides in you some bad news to do with her health/ family/ relationship/ finances, which is the real reason for her behaving like this.
  2. she does not confide, and you suspect that she is keeping something from you, in which case I think you have to let it lie for now, and prepare to 'be there' for her when it all comes out and she needs you.
  3. she doesn't confide, and you get the feeling that there is nothing else going on, and she just doesn't want to go to your wedding. End of friendship (in truth, the friendship has already gone if this is the case.)
Onecutefox · 06/04/2018 10:07

I read this thread last night and then I watched Not Going Out, 5/7. It was about friends being invited to a friend's dinner and then cancelling it giving all sorts of lies. The friend didn't believe the lies as it sounded ridiculously untrue.

Barmaid101 · 06/04/2018 11:16

I would be furious! I had my oldest friend not show up the night before our wedding (I had paid her room) telling me she had broken down 100miles away from home, she needed to travel 200miles to the wedding, she said she would drive up the next day after car was fixed. Never heard from her. Wedding at 2pm and she text me at 3pm on the day she wouldn’t make it. She never spoke to me again. I later then saw that while she was supposedly broken down at the side of the motorway she had been checking in places very far away on instagram and Facebook. I lost money for two nights accommodation bed and breakfast and the cost of meals etc. I never heard from her again.

You definitely need to call her out. She is behaving appallingly.

willynillypie · 06/04/2018 11:43

People, even close or old friends, can get very peculiar about friend's weddings or pregnancies. It's sad but true. In all likelihood, as with PP's friend, she is probably just jealous/insecure/frustrated/bitter due to her own life in some way and is unable to reconcile herself to your happiness. Very common behaviour unfortunately. Cunty though.

Arcticwonder · 06/04/2018 12:21

The timing is very strange - however you mentioned they had recently confirmed menu options etc.
Had you also recently confirmed or discussed seating plans with her? Is she ( or her DH ) unhappy with seating arrangements? i.e her DH perhaps seated with their children separately from your BF. There are some men out there who would kick off about being left to manage the children alone......sad, but true!

Nanny0gg · 06/04/2018 12:22

she doesn't confide, and you get the feeling that there is nothing else going on, and she just doesn't want to go to your wedding. End of friendship (in truth, the friendship has already gone if this is the case.)

And you send her the bill for any money you’ve spent

Violetroselily · 06/04/2018 12:23

An actual adult is bothered by this? Bizarre.

FlexTimeCheekyFucker · 06/04/2018 12:48

Your reaction is bizarre, Violet.

Eggzandbacon · 06/04/2018 12:54

I had to go to a funeral on a significant birthday - you just move the birthday.
This can’t be the reason.

CoffeeOrSleep · 06/04/2018 12:57

Got to agree With Flex - Violetroselily - would you really not be bothered that someone who had agreed to be your bridesmaid, went to dress fittings, confirmed she was coming with her DH and DCs, picked their meals, suddenly changed her mind after you'd gone to all that expense? You'd be neither upset at the money wasted nor worried that there might be something bad going on in her life to cancel at this stage?

If most people didn't want to go to a wedding, they'd say so when they were invited. If they didn't want to be a bridesmaid, would say so before a dress was bought and they'd gone along to fittings to sort out alterations of it.

So something odd is going on. If there's obviously a serious problem in your best friend's life, would you think it would be bizzare to be concerned?

MrsTWH · 06/04/2018 13:03

I think violet means that the friend is bothered about it being on her birthday, not bizarre that OP is bothered...

happymummy12345 · 06/04/2018 13:10

You're not being unreasonable at all. My so called best friend said she would be coming to my wedding. Then just over a week before she text me and said actually I can't come because I can't get the time off work. I was annoyed because she had notice to sort it, and if she couldn't I felt she should have told me sooner.
For this along with other worse things, we no longer speak at all.

MyBoysAndI · 06/04/2018 13:20

.

Wafflenose · 06/04/2018 13:24

I wonder if she's pregnant, and/or its too early to say and/or there might be complications?

LisaSimpsonsbff · 06/04/2018 13:52

I wonder if she's pregnant, and/or its too early to say and/or there might be complications?

The OP's already said that the wedding is a couple of months away so pregnancy doesn't seem plausible as a reason, as if it's too soon to say now then she'd still only be in early pregnancy at the wedding.

Original poster
KatherineMayfair · 06/04/2018 13:56

Her husband doesn't like my stb DH.

OP posts:
Wafflenose · 06/04/2018 13:57

I know, but she could be sick with it or having other complications? I'm sure there's another explanation though...

amusedbush · 06/04/2018 13:57

Is that the reason she gave for not coming or did you know this anyway?

BlueSapp · 06/04/2018 13:58

Katherine Wow, like why?

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 06/04/2018 13:59

Is that what she told you at your face-to-face, OP? I'm so sorry. I guess she's willing to side with her husband more than take a stand to protect your friendship.

LagunaBubbles · 06/04/2018 13:59

An actual adult is bothered by this? Bizarre

No violet what is bizarre to me is not understanding human emotions and relationships, and thinking everyone should act or feel like them, and something is "bizarre" if others dont. Now that is truly bizarre way of thinking.

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