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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best friend won't come to my wedding.

765 replies

KatherineMayfair · 05/04/2018 10:46

Best friend is a bit of a stretch right now but she is my longest friend (time wise, not height wise). She was going to be a bridesmaid and my wedding is in a few months, however I got a message today from her saying she won't be attending as it's on her birthday. It is on her birthday but she knew that when she agreed and I bought her dress. If she'd have said it from the get-go then that would've been fine (I'd have still been a bit hurt but I'd have understood) but the fact that she's turned around now, after me paying for her and her husband and two children's meals for the wedding, RSPV'd yes and buying her dress, AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
NKFell · 05/04/2018 14:29

Just to chip in that I was once a bridesmaid on my birthday and it was lovely, everyone sang Happy Birthday to me!

This sort of behaviour your friend is demonstrating is mean and if I were you I'd have a long talk with her. When she RSVP'd she knew the date and it's unlikely she didn't realise it was her birthday.

Original poster
KatherineMayfair · 05/04/2018 14:29

I don't think I've been a bridezilla at all- then again, they never know that they are one Grin

But I seriously don't think I have been- SHE picked the dress she's wearing, I wouldn't force her to wear something she hated.

I don't THINK that she's sick but of course she could be hiding it. I doubt it but it's possible. She did seem fine on Monday so it's very sudden for all of this to happen- she could have been putting up a front though, of course.

I'm pretty sure she's not made a pass at DP- he'd have said (I hope).

OP posts:
UndomesticHousewife · 05/04/2018 14:31

Why don’t you ask her?

lalalalyra · 05/04/2018 14:32

You need to ask her. She picked her dress, you've paid for that and the adjustments. She's picked her meal, and those of her family. She owes you an explanation.

DragonNoodleCake · 05/04/2018 14:33

What @crunchtime said! Why can't you have a chat with your best friend and ask if everything is ok? Why the change of heart?

ShatnersWig · 05/04/2018 14:35

Katherine Loads of us have said it but you seem to be ignoring us. Why don't you just PICK UP THE PHONE AND ASK HER? If she's supposed to be your best/longest friend I cannot for the life of me understand why you don't just ring her or go round and see her, rather than just waste time on here asking those of us who don't know you or her. I'd have thought that's what most normal people would do.

Original poster
KatherineMayfair · 05/04/2018 14:37

I haven't asked her yet because I'm going round tomorrow afternoon for a coffee.

OP posts:
Original poster
KatherineMayfair · 05/04/2018 14:37

And because I think it needs to be said face to face.

OP posts:
sunshinesupermum · 05/04/2018 14:41

KatherineMayfair I agree you should speak face to face rather than texting each other.

What do you plan to say to her when you see her for coffee tomorrow?
I hope you get to the bottom of her problem so that you can get back to 'enjoying' planning your wedding!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 05/04/2018 14:42

Better to talk in person. I think I’d say that it being her birthday, when she knew that before accepting, is such a feeble excuse you can only think there’s something bad going on.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/04/2018 14:43

You sound so calm about a friend doing this to you. Please don’t let yourself be walked all over.

Original poster
KatherineMayfair · 05/04/2018 14:43

It's not about losing a bridesmaid that's the problem, it's just that SHE won't be there. I'm going to ask her if she's okay and if she says yes then I'm just going to say 'you were fine with the wedding being on your birthday before, what changed' and see what she said.

OP posts:
TomRavenscroft · 05/04/2018 14:44

Good luck for tomorrow. I second what Mummy says above.

livefornaps · 05/04/2018 14:44

You're going to have to be brave and get to the bottom of this.

Quietlife1979 · 05/04/2018 14:44

kath how is her marriage ??

My best friends is on the rocks and she is having to dig deep to find something positive to say.

If found it incrediblely hurtful and frustrating as I’m always there for her but she has made my hen night, shopping for dresses miserable. I’m literally at the end of the road with her.

Could it be she doesn’t/ can’t face seeing you have a wonderful day when her life is shit?

Original poster
KatherineMayfair · 05/04/2018 14:45

Her marriage seems very happy.

OP posts:
MrsTWH · 05/04/2018 14:45

Honestly I’d be billing her for the dress and alterations and having nothing more to do with her unless she comes clean and has a genuine issue. You can’t sell a dress that’s been altered specifically for her. She’s had ample opportunity to tell you she’s not coming/has an issue or whatever - preferably before you spent money.

My friends are getting married on my birthday in a couple of weeks - I cannot wait! I get to get dressed up, have a lovely time and eat some cake with my friends. What a rubbish excuse from your “friend”.

WorkingBling · 05/04/2018 14:46

I honestly don't understand why you aren't outraged that a BRIDESMAID is pulling out at short notice to sit on the couch eating cake?! If a bridesmaid did that to me for my wedding I'd be furious. And she'd have known about it.

ShatnersWig · 05/04/2018 14:49

I think I'd have done that first and found out what was going on before deciding to create this thread.

LineyDancer · 05/04/2018 14:51

This reply has been deleted

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croprotationinthe13thcentury · 05/04/2018 15:04

Unless she has a seriously good excuse I’d be cutting ties. Also don’t see why you have to talk face to face OP. Just text her and ask her wtf is going on for heaven’s sake.

Mydoghatesthebath · 05/04/2018 15:11

Look op it’s not fair for you to make us wait until tomorrow! Blush

Sorry only joking hope you get an answer but you do owe us to share what she says unless it’s outing

DO3271 · 05/04/2018 15:15

I am another who thinks its weird. My husbands Aunt had her birthday on my wedding day, we arranged a cake before the speeches and got all the guests to sing Happy Birthday. She loved it and got to spend it with all her relatives where normally she may have just been home alone with a few cards and phone calls.

She does owe you an explanation, she is being very drama queen. Is she wanting you to beg her to be there? Pay her more attention? Its just weird.

LineyDancer · 05/04/2018 15:16

Yes indeed @ShatnersWig, you'd think, wouldn't you?

Jaxinthebox · 05/04/2018 15:19

cant wait to find out what she says tomorrow. She owes you a proper explanation. Her wishy washy 'its my birthday, cake and peace' is BS.

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