Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu- ball in neighbour's garden

507 replies

Ameliel · 04/04/2018 19:04

My two DS played football on the road outside our house today, and the ball accidentally went to a neighbour's garden. This was the 2nd time it happened, the first time my boys went to (politely) ask for the ball back and the lady in the house told them they should not knock on the door again. Instead, she would bring the ball back as and when she would find it.
This sounded a bit odd to me so when the ball went in today, I went with my son to ask for the ball back. Just as background info: we have lived here only just over a year and have not yet spoken to many people, including these neighbours who live three doors down. Its a leafy quiet suburb and the residents are mainly older people - not many families.
So I introduced myself and my son, and explained the ball had accidentally ended up in their garden again and apologised for the trouble. The lady was friendly to start with but firmly explained that "the rule" is that she does not want to be disturbed by kids knocking on her door, she is a keen gardener and so will eventually find the ball and return it at her convenience.
I pointed out that this could take days and the ball may not end up back to the right children (there are other kids too who play in the same location sometimes).
Anyway she was absolutely not budging and started telling me that I am disturbing her as she was about to serve dinner, and if I carry on we would not get the ball back at all.
I replied that I was a bit taken back by this attitude, it was not like the boys were kicking the ball in her garden by purpose, and it had only happened 2 times in total (including today).
She then slammed the door at my face!
AIBU or is she? I appreciate that it is annoying having to retrieve balls all the time, but surely its not such a big deal? She could have returned the ball twice over in the time it took to argue her case. I just really can't see why it is such a problem to go answer the door and give the ball back? Or am i missing some unwritten rule here (I'm not originally from UK, i've come across unwritten behavioural rules before, where I can't see anything wrong but my native husband thinks it is wrong) I don't want a neighbour war so please tell me, how would you handle this?
I feel quite annoyed atm by her attitude and so am inclined to buy lots more balls and to encourage the boys to do a lot of kick practice from now on...

OP posts:
StaplesCorner · 04/04/2018 19:57

It’s a shame when old people have a low tolerance of children playing. Its more of a shame when people teach their children that they can do whatever they wish, maybe say a grudging sorry, and then its all ok. As I said to the OP earlier, people are not put here for your convenience.

TheFirstMrsOsmond · 04/04/2018 19:58

My neighbour used to have 2 sons (both grown up & left now) who would frequently kick balls over the garden wall into our garden. However they were possibly the most well-mannered boys I have ever met so when they would knock and ask politely if they could retrieve the ball, I was always happy to say yes. It was also helpful that they could go round the side to do this so I didn't have to have them walking through the house. So it never really inconvenienced me at all.
It's possible the neighbour in the OP's case has taken a firm line because she's had to do a lot of ball retrieving in the past and not everyone has perhaps been very polite when they knock on her door....

ConstantReminder · 04/04/2018 19:59

People should not get interrupted by other people while in their homes. That is an ‘unwritten rule’ that helps most of us get on with their neighbours.
What a pain retrieving other people’s kids balls when you are eating, resting, watching TV, sleeping, on the phone, in the bath, entertaining friends, streaking naked around your hallway ~ or whatever else you choose to do at home!
Take the kids to the park, get them a ball attached to elastic and teach your kids that if they kick the ball in to a neighbours property they will have to wait to get it back!
Dead simple really.

Fijisky · 04/04/2018 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Fuzzyduck0 · 04/04/2018 19:59

Absolutely, it's not 'older people '. It's people in general not wanting to be inconvenienced the one place where they should get peace

mumblechum0 · 04/04/2018 20:00

I’m with the neighbour too, as dh is a very keen gardener and footballs (and subsequent trampling by kids) can undo weeks of hard work, planning and expense.

Last year I sourced a rare plant for dh’s birthday which cost £75. A few weeks later it was wiped out because the kids next door kicked a ball into it. They’ve even thrown bloody spacehoppers into the borders. We don’t return balls any more and now they’re remarkably better at keeping the balls in their own garden!

IrianOfW · 04/04/2018 20:00

My parents live near a primary school. Quite often balls come over. My parents usually try to throw them back but quite often our dog gets them first. Just be grateful she doesn't have a dog.

kittensinmydinner1 · 04/04/2018 20:00

Well the spirit of neighbourliness is alive and well on MN !!

I honestly cannot think of a single person in our village who wouldn't say 'hold on a tic , I'll just go and chuck it over the fence' or (if elderly) .. 'of course dear, pop around the side gate and go and get it'.

Sorry OP but there seems to be a wierd load of people around who given a choice between being kind to kids or a difficult arse, then they choose the latter every time.

Perhaps this is an attitude prevalent in suburbia. Perhaps a move to a more rural area would mean finding people with a bit of humanity. We still live in a place where you can drop in for a cup of tea with your neighbours without a formal guilt edged invitation, we answer our doors, AND we give kids their balls back - because why wouldn't you. ?

Pengggwn · 04/04/2018 20:00

Fijisky

I'd be marching them out of my garden by their ears. You clearly have no respect for anyone else.

Fuzzyduck0 · 04/04/2018 20:01

Fijisky, she's not a moaning old bat. She is an ordinary woman chilling out at home being inconvenienced by other people

Notasunnybunny · 04/04/2018 20:01

Important to note that a keen gardener will probably have a lot of mature planting, the ball could take some considerable time to locate if has fallen deep into some planting.

OrangeHorses · 04/04/2018 20:02

I moved house because kids playing football on my street drove me crazy. I totally see her point of view I'm afraid.

Fijisky · 04/04/2018 20:02

Pengggwn - of course you would, but your have to catch them first. There not staying in there all day, just nipping in and out. There be out before you even got to the back door 😂

ConstantReminder · 04/04/2018 20:02

ps ~ retrieving a ball involves hunting for outside footwear, changing those and finding the gate key..........then in reverse........a total pita

StaplesCorner · 04/04/2018 20:03

Annie - I’d have kept ringing the doorbell until she came back. I’d have insisted on having OUR ball back, now - so you're the same as the man near us who said we'd stolen his ball as we couldn't find it? And then we ound out the elderly lady next door had it - we took it from her so as he could "blame" us and not be abusive to her. After all, I'm sure you of all people would agree its best if an adult who didn't get his ball NOW shouts in the face of another adult rather than an 80 year old lady isn't it? Or is everyone fair game?

Fuzzyduck0 · 04/04/2018 20:04

...and she'd be well within her right to have the police popping round to have a word about trespassing. Your entitlement/stupidity is terrifying. Absolute disregard for other people

Juells · 04/04/2018 20:04

We have a grumpy neighbour down our road and the kids just know not to play near her house if they want to keep their ball.

Hopefully the OP's DC will have learned the same lesson Grin

StaplesCorner · 04/04/2018 20:04

Fijisky - not sure if you're on a wind up or if you sincerely think that you are entitled to do this?

Fijisky · 04/04/2018 20:05

Fuzzyduck0 - I’m sure it will be on the top of there priority list! I’m sure there really concerned about a kid grabbing the ball from a back garden😂

mumblechum0 · 04/04/2018 20:05

Think of it like this OP;
You’ve just spent months doing up your living room. You’ve spent thousands on sofas, curtains, lamps and decorating. You’re sitting there with a nice coffee minding your own business when a muddy football lands on your coffee table. Half an hour later another one knocks over your lovely new lamp and breaks it.
When the owner of the ball bangs on the door demanding it back, how are you going to respond?

Pengggwn · 04/04/2018 20:06

Fijisky

And if that kept happening I would contact the police. How dare you. You sound like a nightmare to have as a neighbour, thinking your brats have a right to do whatever they like.

StaplesCorner · 04/04/2018 20:07

Oh, as you were - my mistake - Fijisky does have a lovely strong sense of entitlement.

aproblemsharedandallthat · 04/04/2018 20:07

You say that your garden is like a pond at the minute, maybe your neighbours is. If your children can't play on the garden due to the weather, why should she go on hers to retrieve your children's ball. As for your children going on her garden themselves, why should she be sat in the privacy of her own home with people going on her garden. What if they have an accident, her property, her insurance etc. I'm sure you'd think differently then. I'm guessing she may be an elderly lady. You don't know her circumstances so why judge her when she has been rudely interrupted by you, again, when she specifically asked you/your children not to. Maybe your rude behaviour was met with rude behaviour (in your opinion) from her because you sound like everyone should do as you do! Leave her be, if your children's ball goes over, that's their fault. Your children should play on your property or the park, not on the street and shouldn't inconvenience others. I've two children myself, they play and have fun but know not to disturb neighbours and certainly not to do something they have been told not to. Them being told not to go round and then you go round with them on the second occasion, doesn't show much respect for your neighbour therefore your children won't respect them either!

Notasunnybunny · 04/04/2018 20:07

Kittensinmydinner- I live in a rural area although I do have neighbours, with children. I have that attitude but remember not all gardens are the same. There are parts of my garden where the beds are 15ft deep or more, a ball would need considerable hunting for with a delicate touch so as not to cause damage. If I was in the middle of my meal I’d be most put out.

WeAllHaveWings · 04/04/2018 20:07

But she did slam the door hard at my face, I think that's rather rude...

Do you not think the slamming of the door was due to you repeatedly telling her she was wrong when she was trying to tell you she has a problem with balls in her garden? it probably happens frequently and causes some damage to hear plants and she's had enough.

If it was my garden id give the weans their ball back, but I'd also respect a neighbour who is having problems and didn't give it back immediately to encourage them to be more careful.

If your ds is accidently kicking balls into gardens you can guarantee he is bouncing them off cars too. Why should your neighbours incur damage because you can't take your Dc somewhere more suitable or fix your garden so it is ok to play in?