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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu- ball in neighbour's garden

507 replies

Ameliel · 04/04/2018 19:04

My two DS played football on the road outside our house today, and the ball accidentally went to a neighbour's garden. This was the 2nd time it happened, the first time my boys went to (politely) ask for the ball back and the lady in the house told them they should not knock on the door again. Instead, she would bring the ball back as and when she would find it.
This sounded a bit odd to me so when the ball went in today, I went with my son to ask for the ball back. Just as background info: we have lived here only just over a year and have not yet spoken to many people, including these neighbours who live three doors down. Its a leafy quiet suburb and the residents are mainly older people - not many families.
So I introduced myself and my son, and explained the ball had accidentally ended up in their garden again and apologised for the trouble. The lady was friendly to start with but firmly explained that "the rule" is that she does not want to be disturbed by kids knocking on her door, she is a keen gardener and so will eventually find the ball and return it at her convenience.
I pointed out that this could take days and the ball may not end up back to the right children (there are other kids too who play in the same location sometimes).
Anyway she was absolutely not budging and started telling me that I am disturbing her as she was about to serve dinner, and if I carry on we would not get the ball back at all.
I replied that I was a bit taken back by this attitude, it was not like the boys were kicking the ball in her garden by purpose, and it had only happened 2 times in total (including today).
She then slammed the door at my face!
AIBU or is she? I appreciate that it is annoying having to retrieve balls all the time, but surely its not such a big deal? She could have returned the ball twice over in the time it took to argue her case. I just really can't see why it is such a problem to go answer the door and give the ball back? Or am i missing some unwritten rule here (I'm not originally from UK, i've come across unwritten behavioural rules before, where I can't see anything wrong but my native husband thinks it is wrong) I don't want a neighbour war so please tell me, how would you handle this?
I feel quite annoyed atm by her attitude and so am inclined to buy lots more balls and to encourage the boys to do a lot of kick practice from now on...

OP posts:
lalalalyra · 04/04/2018 20:08

The neighbour isn't complaining about the kids playing in the street - which is what would happen in many places.

She's just saying that kids need to wait until it's convenient to her to get the ball back. What's the harm in that? If my kids want me to get something down from a shelf or untangle a skipping rop or fetch a ball from a tree then they'd have to wait until I wasn't in the middle of cooking or eating dinner, so why should a random neighbour be obliged to jump to it as soon as the kid asks?

We don't let kids just let themselves into the garden to fetch balls. We used too, but there are too many that left the gate open/cut over the top of the plants rather than the path. And I've got 6 kids so I'm pretty damn tolerant with kids!

trappedinsuburbia · 04/04/2018 20:10

I think the neighbour is a bit out of order, but it is very annoying to keep having your door knocked over a ball. It might only have been twice by your child but how many times with the other children?

If I get any kids knocking on my door I just tell them to go and get it and in future not to knock but just come in and get their ball. That way no lost ball and no continual chapping for me.

BustopherJones · 04/04/2018 20:10

I'd be marching them out of my garden by their ear

Proper vintage punishment, that. I hope you also wash their mouths out with soap should you hear any swearing!

diddl · 04/04/2018 20:10

She'd already asked that they didn't knock again-so why did you?

You could have put a note through the door.

It really is up to her as & when she gives stuff back.

Fijisky · 04/04/2018 20:10

Pengggwn - like I said, I’m sure it will be on the top of there list of things to do😂

Notasunnybunny · 04/04/2018 20:11

The polite response would have been, “oh you are in the middle of a meal, I do apologise for disturbing you, of course when it’s convenient would be great”. A few good manners would likely have found the ball returned within the hour. Now she’ll be in no rush.

Schnauzermum2 · 04/04/2018 20:12

I’d get your boys to be more careful. She every right to return property in her garden at her leisure. Roads aren’t the place to be playing football either, if they are kicking it hard enough to go in someone’s garden and not be easy to reach then it’s hard enough to break car or house windows. I think once to collect ball is enough after which they should taken somewhere else

JaimeLannister · 04/04/2018 20:12

No way would anyone be allowed to go into my garden to fetch a ball. I have dogs which could escape or the young one might jump up and knock a child over.

The lady told your boys not to knock again so what did you do? If course she was rude to you, you were rude to her first! She said she would return the ball but you expected her to leave her dinner to go hunting round her garden for a bloody ball.

Pengggwn · 04/04/2018 20:13

Fijisky

It might be by the time I'd complained fifteen times, and explained that the stress of people trespassing on my property was causing me to feel violent urges towards them, begging them to warn the children off. Grin

Anyway, have some fucking respect, eh?

Pengggwn · 04/04/2018 20:13

BustopherJones

I'd be the one swearing Grin

Lacucuracha · 04/04/2018 20:14

She was understandably annoyed, although her attitude was a bit OTT.

Usually a hard stare and a warning to be more careful deters most kids from being too boisterous with the ball again.

Presumably you got the ball back the first time, so you should have let your DS go on his own. It sounds like you were too protective of him and she may have been annoyed at you for coming across as like that.

And it's quite rude of you to expect her to give you the ball back when she's preparing dinner. You should have sent DS tomorrow after 10am.

Bumshkawahwah · 04/04/2018 20:14

Hold on - so she has already laid out her position to your children once before. You chanced your arm by knocking on her door when the ball went into her garden for the second time. You said she was perfectly friendly until you kept arguing thst she was being unreasonable in not giving in to the way you wanted her to do things. She then slammed the door on you.

I kind of don’t blame her. It’s not your place to dictate what she does. It’s her garden, her house and your children is infringing on that. Also, it’s not her problem that your garden was a quagmire so decided to let them play in the street.

Babyplaymat · 04/04/2018 20:15

Thing is, she was perfectly polite. She was letting you know how she does things so that the kids know in advance. It was only when you pushed it that she was 'rude'.

Do you think she will be in any hurry now to return it?

MumofBoysx2 · 04/04/2018 20:16

I think she's being mean - boys get very attached to their footballs and it wouldn't take her a minute to go and look for it! If she's very elderly then maybe it would be uncomfortable for her to go and look, but otherwise, she's just being crabby. I wouldn't recommend getting them to kick a lot more balls in on purpose because it's always good to keep neighbours on side. I guess they will have to be especially careful they don't get it in the grumpy neighbour's garden in future!

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 04/04/2018 20:16

You're a pain in the ass OP. I have a neighbour like you- we bag up all the balls that come in and drop them off at the charity shop.

There is no reason for a ball to end up in someone else's garden. Once is a mistake, second is just being ignorant.... anything after that is just arseholery.

purplecorkheart · 04/04/2018 20:16

Her garden her rules. It may have happened twice with your kids but more with others (not her problem to see which kids are which). You were very beyond rude, to be honest I am really shocked at your poor judgement.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 04/04/2018 20:16

I like her style. Balls coming over the fence tend to land with force and do damage to anything in their way. She isn’t being mean, she just wants your boys to learn to keep the balls out of her garden and off her plants - the best way to do this is to make them wait until it’s convenient for her to return them.

EasterBunBun · 04/04/2018 20:17

Is ths for real? Your children are repeatedly annoying her, you interrupted her when she was serving dinner and was rude when she didn't immediately scurry around to retrieve a toy - and you want to compound it ? Have some basic decent manners and apologise to her ffs.

Idontdowindows · 04/04/2018 20:17

I was just taken back by the hostility and the way she lost it and slammed the door at us.

Well, she had already informed you, through her children, that she did not want to be disturbed by doorbell ringing for ball retrieval, and yet there you were, the adult who at least should have had the decency to respect this woman's wishes, ringing her doorbell to get a ball back....

thecatsthecats · 04/04/2018 20:18

Our neighbours kid is SUPER polite to talk to (except for hammering on the door if we don't answer). It's still a pain in the bum when he comes round at a bad moment to get the ball and I'm just out of the shower etc. And then there's the muck on his shoes if he goes in the border.

It'll motivate them to be more careful with their kicking if they know it might be any length of wait before they get it back.

Fijisky · 04/04/2018 20:18

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Pengggwn · 04/04/2018 20:19

Fijisky

Then I'd present my CCTV, showing your feral children creeping like rats onto my property.

colditz · 04/04/2018 20:19

Fijisky, you realise people have CCTV and your kids (and you!) could be slapped with an asbo for trespassing?

You wouldn't feel very clever then, would you?

LondonJax · 04/04/2018 20:20

When I was about ten I, along with a group of friends, spent a week in the summer zooming past my neighbours house on my bike after school. After the week of having kids up and down outside his window (which was open as it was stifling hot), he came out and told us exactly what to do with our bikes.

I went home and told my mum that we'd been told off (forgetting to mention that we'd used this route after tea every day for past week) and her response was 'well, don't go past his house again. Find somewhere else to go'. But that's probably because she knew the sun didn't shine out of her kids backsides and that, whatever we'd told her, the truth was probably at least twice as bad...

It's called learning to take responsibility for your own actions and that every action has a consequence. Maybe they'll be a bit more respectful next time.

londonrach · 04/04/2018 20:20

Yabu. Lesson learnt by your ds not to upset the neighbours.