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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu- ball in neighbour's garden

507 replies

Ameliel · 04/04/2018 19:04

My two DS played football on the road outside our house today, and the ball accidentally went to a neighbour's garden. This was the 2nd time it happened, the first time my boys went to (politely) ask for the ball back and the lady in the house told them they should not knock on the door again. Instead, she would bring the ball back as and when she would find it.
This sounded a bit odd to me so when the ball went in today, I went with my son to ask for the ball back. Just as background info: we have lived here only just over a year and have not yet spoken to many people, including these neighbours who live three doors down. Its a leafy quiet suburb and the residents are mainly older people - not many families.
So I introduced myself and my son, and explained the ball had accidentally ended up in their garden again and apologised for the trouble. The lady was friendly to start with but firmly explained that "the rule" is that she does not want to be disturbed by kids knocking on her door, she is a keen gardener and so will eventually find the ball and return it at her convenience.
I pointed out that this could take days and the ball may not end up back to the right children (there are other kids too who play in the same location sometimes).
Anyway she was absolutely not budging and started telling me that I am disturbing her as she was about to serve dinner, and if I carry on we would not get the ball back at all.
I replied that I was a bit taken back by this attitude, it was not like the boys were kicking the ball in her garden by purpose, and it had only happened 2 times in total (including today).
She then slammed the door at my face!
AIBU or is she? I appreciate that it is annoying having to retrieve balls all the time, but surely its not such a big deal? She could have returned the ball twice over in the time it took to argue her case. I just really can't see why it is such a problem to go answer the door and give the ball back? Or am i missing some unwritten rule here (I'm not originally from UK, i've come across unwritten behavioural rules before, where I can't see anything wrong but my native husband thinks it is wrong) I don't want a neighbour war so please tell me, how would you handle this?
I feel quite annoyed atm by her attitude and so am inclined to buy lots more balls and to encourage the boys to do a lot of kick practice from now on...

OP posts:
Tink2007 · 04/04/2018 19:32

I’m kind of with her on this.

It would piss me off no end having children knock on my door to retrieve their balls (and I have children of my own!). I appreciate your children have only done it twice however from the sounds of it it’s not just your children who have lost their balls in her garden.

You sound an absolute nightmare to say you are going to encourage your kids to do more football practice - though I assume you have an infinite supply of balls as I doubt you’ll be getting them back.

Thistlebelle · 04/04/2018 19:33

She’s a keen gardener, the balls will be trashing her garden.

My rule for our kids is if a ball/shuttlecock/arrow/rocket etc goes over the fence into the neighbour’s they may go and ask for it once. If it happens again then they’ve lost it unless the neighbour (a very nice lady) chooses to pop it back over the fence.

Why should she be disturbed multiple times a day because your kids are playing football?

You don’t mind because you have small kids, they’re always disturbing you anyway. You might well mind in 20 years time when you are used to peace and quiet.

Football in the street is a bad idea (they always end up hitting someone’s car) Take them to the park to play.

Get your kids to write a cute and endearing apology note and mend some fences.

Piggywaspushed · 04/04/2018 19:34

Lucky you don't have my neighbours. they either take the balls and stash them in their garage or puncture them Sad

they have DCs of their own and two noisy dogs and exceptionally noisy garden parties. My boys are quiet but modern house gardens are a little small and my boys shot can be a bit wayward. They go to school with the DCs and words were had on the bus. We don't even bother asking any more. in my day I would have scaled the fence but they have CCTV

Fijisky · 04/04/2018 19:34

I think she’s being petty tbh.

Can’t your kids just go and get it themselves if it’s easy for them to get into the garden?

Pengggwn · 04/04/2018 19:35

Fijisky

No, people can't just walk into your garden.

Tink2007 · 04/04/2018 19:35

We have a Labrador who tends to sort out Lost ball problems fairly quickly - 9 times out of 10 before we have even noticed.

Thistlebelle · 04/04/2018 19:35

Kids play in the street, it's better than them sitting in their rooms on Xbox getting obese

My (skinny) kids do play in the street, but not football.

Fuzzyduck0 · 04/04/2018 19:36

Wtf don't encourage kids to break into other peoples property. Their right to their ball absolutely does not trump her right to not trespass on her property

Whereisthegin1978 · 04/04/2018 19:36

I'm with you on this I think! I can see she doesn't want to be disturbed all the time but her reaction is a bit ott. Mine kicked a ball over the fence into a garden and I told them to go round and ask for it - neighbour said not to bother asking if it happened again just hop over and retrieve it. I told them they had to not make a habit of it but otherwise happy for them to do that. Much friendlier.

MuttsNutts · 04/04/2018 19:36

You’ve already said other children do it too but stiil you are unable to see the problem?

Personally, I find it difficult to understand how some people find it so hard to imagine someone else’s point of view or that the world doesn’t actually revolve around their precious DC and their footballs.

LannieDuck · 04/04/2018 19:36

I'm guessing she's had this a lot, and yours was just the latest of many lost balls.

She didn't say she wouldn't return it, just that she'd do so at her convenience, rather than at yours (which happened to be in the middle of her dinner).

WeaselsRising · 04/04/2018 19:36

From what you've if she is a keen gardener then having balls kicked into her garden will damage her plants. Having children come after them would do even more damage.

Before we had DC we were plagued by other kids footballs in our garden. In the summer it wouldn't be unusual for the door to be going literally every 10 minutes throughout the light evenings, or weekends.

She isn't even your immediate NDN so how on earth did they manage to get a ball in her garden? Your last sentence marks you out as a complete knob. You will find your kids balls being punctured or confiscated with that attitude. YAVVVU. How about you take them to the park to play football and not let them play outside someone else's house.

ExFury · 04/04/2018 19:38

. I can see that it seems to be a huge deal to most people, even if I can't see the problem

You'd soon see her point of multiple kids were knocking on your door multiple times a day. People who are like that tend to have had problems with people in the past repeatedly kicking balls in I find.

You don't even know how long it'd be before she throws it back. She might simply mean in the next adverts or at the end of the next knitting row...

5plusMeAndHim · 04/04/2018 19:38

Was she Lady Bracknell?
Once may be regarded as a misfortune; twice looks like carelessness.

kimanda · 04/04/2018 19:39

@Ameliel

I feel quite annoyed atm by her attitude and so am inclined to buy lots more balls and to encourage the boys to do a lot of kick practice from now on...

I was kind of on your side a bit, and saw your point of view until THAT last paragraph. You sound like an entitled arse to be honest, and if it was me, I would be ramming a garden fork through your kids balls.

MammaTJ · 04/04/2018 19:40

I am disabled, so getting up to answer the door is a pain in the ass!

So, what I have done is make sure the local children all know that if a ball goes into m garden, they are absolutely not to knock on my door, but they must go and help themselves to the ball. That seems to work well.

5plusMeAndHim · 04/04/2018 19:41

send you kids to just go and get it

Thistlebelle · 04/04/2018 19:41

Piggy

my boys shot can be a bit wayward.

Look for soccer swing ball on Amazon it’s great (a weighted base with a football on a line)

Janicejanet · 04/04/2018 19:41

Good for her.

ScattyCharly · 04/04/2018 19:42

She did say for her door not to be knocked again about the ball. But then you did Confused.

She is entitled not to want kids disturbing her. I can also understand her not wanting kids to walk on her garden if she’s a keen gardener.

I think yabu sorry.

sockunicorn · 04/04/2018 19:43

I dont really think it matters what we (or you) think op..... Her garden, now its her ball. To me retrieving a ball wouldnt be a big deal. However its not my garden and not me going doing it.

Also, if shes a keen gardener, I imagine the ball does a bit of plant damage when it goes over. So maybe keeping the ball a few days encourages the local kids to be more careful, therefore less damage done than if its "No big deal" to get it back.

BustopherJones · 04/04/2018 19:43

am i missing some unwritten rule here (I'm not originally from UK)

It is a rule that every street has one scary neighbour who you’re terrified of disturbing with a stray football.

BritInUS1 · 04/04/2018 19:43

YABU

lattewith3shotsplease · 04/04/2018 19:43

OP,
She was a bit rude, and I understand what she's saying and agree with her. [obviously not slamming the door in your face though]

MuttsNutts · 04/04/2018 19:44

send you kids to just go and get it

There are some entitled arses on this thread.