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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu- ball in neighbour's garden

507 replies

Ameliel · 04/04/2018 19:04

My two DS played football on the road outside our house today, and the ball accidentally went to a neighbour's garden. This was the 2nd time it happened, the first time my boys went to (politely) ask for the ball back and the lady in the house told them they should not knock on the door again. Instead, she would bring the ball back as and when she would find it.
This sounded a bit odd to me so when the ball went in today, I went with my son to ask for the ball back. Just as background info: we have lived here only just over a year and have not yet spoken to many people, including these neighbours who live three doors down. Its a leafy quiet suburb and the residents are mainly older people - not many families.
So I introduced myself and my son, and explained the ball had accidentally ended up in their garden again and apologised for the trouble. The lady was friendly to start with but firmly explained that "the rule" is that she does not want to be disturbed by kids knocking on her door, she is a keen gardener and so will eventually find the ball and return it at her convenience.
I pointed out that this could take days and the ball may not end up back to the right children (there are other kids too who play in the same location sometimes).
Anyway she was absolutely not budging and started telling me that I am disturbing her as she was about to serve dinner, and if I carry on we would not get the ball back at all.
I replied that I was a bit taken back by this attitude, it was not like the boys were kicking the ball in her garden by purpose, and it had only happened 2 times in total (including today).
She then slammed the door at my face!
AIBU or is she? I appreciate that it is annoying having to retrieve balls all the time, but surely its not such a big deal? She could have returned the ball twice over in the time it took to argue her case. I just really can't see why it is such a problem to go answer the door and give the ball back? Or am i missing some unwritten rule here (I'm not originally from UK, i've come across unwritten behavioural rules before, where I can't see anything wrong but my native husband thinks it is wrong) I don't want a neighbour war so please tell me, how would you handle this?
I feel quite annoyed atm by her attitude and so am inclined to buy lots more balls and to encourage the boys to do a lot of kick practice from now on...

OP posts:
not2impressed · 06/04/2018 13:41

I'm with the neighbour tbh. I had Mey old next door neighbours bang hell out of my door and bang louder and louder if I didn't answer. This was several times a day and I was home alone with newborn twins and a toddler. Really wound me up

Aridane · 06/04/2018 14:00

Compared with momof5 the OP seems the epitome of reasonableness (but not otherwise!)

Aridane · 06/04/2018 14:02

The neighbours that complained were: the old lady that lived next door that hated kids, and the 2 behind were 2 diff families in the same house, the first set moved because they were an old couple that hated kids.. and the ones there now are also old and not into kids. All the other people in the neighbourhood love us (when a kid went missing, they came to our house looking for them as we had tons of kids over all the time). I am always baking lots of little cakes, muffins, brownies, and cookies for the neighbourhood children, bake sales at the school, etc. My kids are now teens and early twenties, and we still have lots of their friends over lots. My grandkids have fun together when here too. (one lives with us with her mom that is single and one lives with my eldest and his wife and visit when they can). The rest of the neighbourhood have kids too, or even younger, and my girls have all been babysitters for many families in the area. It is only the families that hate kids that don't like our family. The one behind that moved, wanted the kids to be quiet all the time, if they were jumping on the trampoline and yelling they used to go in the back and tell them to shut up. My kids were just being normal kids.^ My husband used to encourage them to yell louder when they complained actually.

I really don't think everyone loved momof5 and her family - and the DH sounds dreadful

kaitlinktm · 06/04/2018 14:41

She was a child once but clearly doesn’t remember being one

She probably remembers it very well. Old people do remember what it was like to be a child, but young people haven't yet experienced what it is like to be old.

Idontdowindows · 06/04/2018 15:22

Are you real? Isn't that what I put!! Troll

Very, and laughing my arse off at the suggestion that knocking (i.e. being a fucking decent human being that respects other people's property) is somehow commendable.

marhav999 · 06/04/2018 19:35

Ameliel. I’m with you on this. If your boys are teenagers who can really thump a ball I would have some reservations but sub teens, for goodness sake cut them some slack.Neighbour (and dare I say some contributors) are a bit precious. Young people could be causing a lot more bother than kicking a ball. I am a bit biased, I have loads of kids, I like kids and love to see them playing OUTDOORS.

FrancisCrawford · 06/04/2018 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SarBear34 · 06/04/2018 20:21

Just jump the fence and get the ball, or use the gate if you can

Bumblefuddle · 06/04/2018 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1494667160 · 06/04/2018 20:53

She is totally right. Our next door neighbours have a lad who’s ball keeps coming over into our garden.
Tbh it is really annoying when he comes over to get it. When your in your house you just want to chill, get on with stuff and not have to invite people on your property.
I have young children and I say to them they just have to wait for the ball to get chucked back over.

FrancisCrawford · 06/04/2018 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Graphista · 06/04/2018 21:04

I disagree that those of us agreeing with the neighbour don't like kids.

We don't like badly behaved, rude, inconsiderate kids.

Most of us are also parents, all have been kids ourselves and in my case been looking after kids...erm unofficially since I can remember! (Eldest of 3 DC, eldest of 13 cousins, babysitting as a teen then later went on to be nanny, cm, scout, guide, youth club leader and mentor so I even like teens Grin)

So no. It's not about hating kids.

MrMeSeeks · 06/04/2018 21:12

Just jump the fence and get the ball, or use the gate if you can
What is wrong with people?
Yes just jump the fence and open the gate, don’t worry about people’s pets, plants and possessions, just as long as you’re happy Hmm

MrMeSeeks · 06/04/2018 21:13

And don’t worry about upsetting and possibly distressing the people who live there when they see a person in their garden Hmm

Celebelly · 06/04/2018 21:22

Any ball that came into our garden would get deflated in about 5 secs flat by my dog so that would solve that issue!

PictPerfect · 06/04/2018 21:46

Just jump the fence and get the ball, or use the gate if you can

Can’t imagine teaching my kids to be so disrespectful to people’s property, wishes and home boundaries. Bet the same kids are taught to defy teachers at school and challenge authority at every level. Nice.

Jobjobjob · 07/04/2018 06:31

Just jump the fence and get the ball, or use the gate if you can

Really? So it's true that parents do actually raise their children so badly! I'm hoping this is a windup?

MiaowTheCat · 07/04/2018 08:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TinLizzy · 07/04/2018 08:27

Balls get rubbed in dog shit if kicked into my yard, then I let the little brats run in and delight in the "found it....URGHHH....it's on my hand!!" that invariably follows.

Jobjobjob · 07/04/2018 08:40

@MiaowTheCat thank god they moved! Do you think it was @SarBear34 ?

twelly · 07/04/2018 08:43

In terms of how to deal with this situation. I would move on now. The neighbour has an opinion and has said what she has said (I personally think she is unneighbourly but that is an opinion.) I would still let my child play with balls in the street but remind them to be morecareful. I would be pleasant to neighbour as it's harder to ignore or be unpleasant but would not go out of my way for her should the need arise. In my own head o would be taking the moral high ground as I think she sounded rather mean spirited

SarBear34 · 07/04/2018 11:23

Jobjobjob - doubt it, I don’t have a shed.

tenterden · 07/04/2018 11:36

How old are these boys (sorry if I missed it?) They are playing football in the street whilst you are at work. Is anyone supervising them?

I have never lived anywhere it was OK to do this, and I had a very impoverished upbringing. Ball games were for gardens or parks.

YABU OP.

Idontdowindows · 07/04/2018 11:47

Just jump the fence and get the ball, or use the gate if you can

Anybody does that in my garden and they get a bill. Jumping over my fence means jumping on my plants. Police will also be involved at that point.

The fuck is wrong with people?

Lizzie48 · 07/04/2018 12:08

No point asking the OP questions any more, she'll long since left the thread. Grin