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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu- ball in neighbour's garden

507 replies

Ameliel · 04/04/2018 19:04

My two DS played football on the road outside our house today, and the ball accidentally went to a neighbour's garden. This was the 2nd time it happened, the first time my boys went to (politely) ask for the ball back and the lady in the house told them they should not knock on the door again. Instead, she would bring the ball back as and when she would find it.
This sounded a bit odd to me so when the ball went in today, I went with my son to ask for the ball back. Just as background info: we have lived here only just over a year and have not yet spoken to many people, including these neighbours who live three doors down. Its a leafy quiet suburb and the residents are mainly older people - not many families.
So I introduced myself and my son, and explained the ball had accidentally ended up in their garden again and apologised for the trouble. The lady was friendly to start with but firmly explained that "the rule" is that she does not want to be disturbed by kids knocking on her door, she is a keen gardener and so will eventually find the ball and return it at her convenience.
I pointed out that this could take days and the ball may not end up back to the right children (there are other kids too who play in the same location sometimes).
Anyway she was absolutely not budging and started telling me that I am disturbing her as she was about to serve dinner, and if I carry on we would not get the ball back at all.
I replied that I was a bit taken back by this attitude, it was not like the boys were kicking the ball in her garden by purpose, and it had only happened 2 times in total (including today).
She then slammed the door at my face!
AIBU or is she? I appreciate that it is annoying having to retrieve balls all the time, but surely its not such a big deal? She could have returned the ball twice over in the time it took to argue her case. I just really can't see why it is such a problem to go answer the door and give the ball back? Or am i missing some unwritten rule here (I'm not originally from UK, i've come across unwritten behavioural rules before, where I can't see anything wrong but my native husband thinks it is wrong) I don't want a neighbour war so please tell me, how would you handle this?
I feel quite annoyed atm by her attitude and so am inclined to buy lots more balls and to encourage the boys to do a lot of kick practice from now on...

OP posts:
Thistlebelle · 04/04/2018 19:45

Apart from which not all back gardens are accessible from the street.

Ours isn’t, and I’d be seriously annoyed if some kid scaled the fence.

Gingerninj · 04/04/2018 19:45

I'd say just leave her be for now and wait for her to return the ball, maybe next time tell your kids to play a bit closer to your house to at least avoid the ball getting into her garden again. Maybe next time it will land in a friendly neighbours garden and you'll get the ball back in no time. I understand it happens sometimes, my kids do it all the time...and DH.

sockunicorn · 04/04/2018 19:46

@BustopherJones unless youre 10 and fancy a chase, then you piss that scary neighbour off and all run :)

Troels · 04/04/2018 19:46

She sounds like a grumpy old fart who has forgotton what fun it is to be a kid.
Is it in her front garden seeing they were playing on the road? If so I'd just go get it myself.
Then get them a tall net, and have them use the back garden in future.

StaplesCorner · 04/04/2018 19:46

@Ameliel - stunned by your entitled attitude - its not "only" twice though is it, you said it was twice in as many days and as you are saying the kids can do anything they like in the street its going to keep happening. We're not all put on the earth for your convenience.

We've had this in our area, its safe here so mums like you send their kids to play outside our houses, damaging cars and plants. Kids come and go in front gardens as they please, hit balls against windows and doors of elderly people and occasionally their parents come and join in. Once a dad came round saying we'd stolen his ball, we couldn't find it anywhere - he decided that we definitely had it. Eventually we found out the elderly lady next door had it but we took it from her and returned it to him so that he wouldn't have an excuse to bully her.

The law says that if a ball goes into a garden it must be returned ; it doesn't say the garden owner needs to jump to it pretty darn quick cos Ameliel's poor babies have a muddy garden.

Notasunnybunny · 04/04/2018 19:48

We get balls coming over, the neighbourhood kids know there is no need to knock just go and fetch it via the side gate. They often knock out of good manners though, once they have done it once we reiterate the ‘no need to knock’ rule. However that part of the garden is mostly laid to lawn with very few delicate plants, my front garden however is full of herbaceous boarders which are currently at a very vunerable stage. The area of her garden in question may be muddy and full of young planting, meaning she doesn’t want children trampling through and damaging stuff and she has to get her wellies on and delicately pick her way through her boarder to find the ball. I can completely understand not wanting to do this at any moment that suits you and as a fellow keen gardener I don’t think she was being unreasonable.

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/04/2018 19:48

That your kids have only done it twice isn't really the relevant bit from her perspective - it's how often she has to interrupt her life for the sake of people who can't keep things out of her property. People have different levels of tolerance for that sort of interruption. I would be more like you OP, not be that bothered about getting it and find some joy in the idea that kids were having fun kicking a ball around. But others aren't obliged to feel that way about it and she had already told your DC that they shouldn't knock and she would return the balls when she found them. So I think you're the unreasonable one in this situation.

If you don't want a neighbour war, don't hold her attitude against her. Buy your DC some more balls so they have enough to play with while some languish in her garden. Put your name/house number on them so she knows who to return them to. Don't go knocking on her door asking for the balls back. Tell your DC to be more careful about where/how they kick it. Maybe take some time to watch them and give them specific advice or put up a barrier that makes disturbing her garden less likely. When she does return the balls thank her. Be friendly in general.

StaplesCorner · 04/04/2018 19:49

There are some entitled arses on this thread. - in the time that it took me to type my post a few have come out to say that they are entitled to do exactly as they want and anyone who objects deserves to be ridiculed. Then we all scratch our heads and wonder why people don't care so much about others.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 04/04/2018 19:49

She was incredibly rude to shut the door in your face. I’d have kept ringing the doorbell until she came back. I’d have insisted on having OUR ball back, now. Rude woman.

Then I’d have told the kids not to play where it might go in her garden anymore these holidays.

Get a couple of balls and write your house number & phone number on them, but try to get the kids to have better control over the ball, learn those skills outside rather than just booting it, try to get them to the park for exuberant booting of the ball 😊

Thistlebelle · 04/04/2018 19:50

She sounds like a grumpy old fart who has forgotton what fun it is to be a kid.

Perhaps she’s just a nice lady who had worked very hard in her garden and is at her wits end because her plants are broken again.

Perhaps she’s in the middle of her meal and is being disturbed yet again for a ball.

She hasn’t refused the ball. She hasn’t complained about the ball. She just said they’d have to wait.

MrsFogi · 04/04/2018 19:50

OP YABU why on earth would you expect someone to be okay with getting disturbed by children knocking at their door for balls. They either need to be more careful or wait for their ball to be returned as and when she finds it. Her garden, her rules.

Thisnamechanger · 04/04/2018 19:50

I agree with the person who said you don't know what's going on in her life. If someone had done this while I was trying to care for my late mother I'd have probably bitten their head off too.

BustopherJones · 04/04/2018 19:50

@sockunicorn dares you to go in and get it...

NotTakenUsername · 04/04/2018 19:51

I’m with her op, I’m afraid. Get loads more balls, great solution. And a perm marker to write your house number on the balls. She’s happy to chuck them out when she finds them. She’s not bursting them or anything.
She has a reasonable boundary/rule and after explaining it and refusing to budge even when you continued to argue, she closed the door on you.
I banned Dd and friends from knocking on next door for balls back years ago - it can very quickly become a game. Funnily enough, the kids became much better at keeping control of their ball, very quickly! Such a coincidence. Football

Fijisky · 04/04/2018 19:51

Pengggwn - well if there’s a gate that can be easily opened you can just walk in and get it can’t you. Your not meant to but it’s not causing any harm fetching the ball and stopped the old moaner moaning some more!

Pengggwn · 04/04/2018 19:51

Fijisky

Trespass - at the kids' own risk, that.

Thistlebelle · 04/04/2018 19:52

I’d have kept ringing the doorbell until she came back. I’d have insisted on having OUR ball back, now. Rude woman

Get on well with your neighbours do you Annie?

That’s in no way a reasonable response. You be bullying her.

iamyourequal · 04/04/2018 19:52

Buy some spare balls and write your name or address on them if you are worried she won’t know who’s balls they are. Ask you kids to play elsewhere too. It’s a shame when old people have a low tolerance of children playing. However it’s quite possible she has had lots of similar in the past and is just fed up with it. She should be able to enjoy her garden in (relative ) peace.

SoupDragon · 04/04/2018 19:54

But she did slam the door hard at my face, I think that's rather rude...even if I did unknowingly ring the doorbell at dinnertime.

You continued to argue with her when you knew she was having dinner. That’s rather rude.

Pengggwn · 04/04/2018 19:54

AnnieAnoniMouser

I'd have told you to fuck off. How dare you demand people interrupt their meal to sort your out problems of your own making!

Fuzzyduck0 · 04/04/2018 19:54

Fijisky your lack of respect for other people is astounding. You have no idea how to behave decently. If you opened my side gate you'd be letting my dog out and putting her in danger. You don't touch other people's property ffs

Thisnamechanger · 04/04/2018 19:55

I’d have kept ringing the doorbell until she came back. I’d have insisted on having OUR ball back, now

Shock Glad I don't live hear you!

colditz · 04/04/2018 19:56

You're a pain in the backside, and your neighbour has correctly identified you as someone to come down hard on to prevent further nuisance behaviour.

Nicknacky · 04/04/2018 19:57

annie If you did that at my house then I would come back and answer the door. And tell you to fuck off and sing for getting your ball back.

MiaowTheCat · 04/04/2018 19:57

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