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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu- ball in neighbour's garden

507 replies

Ameliel · 04/04/2018 19:04

My two DS played football on the road outside our house today, and the ball accidentally went to a neighbour's garden. This was the 2nd time it happened, the first time my boys went to (politely) ask for the ball back and the lady in the house told them they should not knock on the door again. Instead, she would bring the ball back as and when she would find it.
This sounded a bit odd to me so when the ball went in today, I went with my son to ask for the ball back. Just as background info: we have lived here only just over a year and have not yet spoken to many people, including these neighbours who live three doors down. Its a leafy quiet suburb and the residents are mainly older people - not many families.
So I introduced myself and my son, and explained the ball had accidentally ended up in their garden again and apologised for the trouble. The lady was friendly to start with but firmly explained that "the rule" is that she does not want to be disturbed by kids knocking on her door, she is a keen gardener and so will eventually find the ball and return it at her convenience.
I pointed out that this could take days and the ball may not end up back to the right children (there are other kids too who play in the same location sometimes).
Anyway she was absolutely not budging and started telling me that I am disturbing her as she was about to serve dinner, and if I carry on we would not get the ball back at all.
I replied that I was a bit taken back by this attitude, it was not like the boys were kicking the ball in her garden by purpose, and it had only happened 2 times in total (including today).
She then slammed the door at my face!
AIBU or is she? I appreciate that it is annoying having to retrieve balls all the time, but surely its not such a big deal? She could have returned the ball twice over in the time it took to argue her case. I just really can't see why it is such a problem to go answer the door and give the ball back? Or am i missing some unwritten rule here (I'm not originally from UK, i've come across unwritten behavioural rules before, where I can't see anything wrong but my native husband thinks it is wrong) I don't want a neighbour war so please tell me, how would you handle this?
I feel quite annoyed atm by her attitude and so am inclined to buy lots more balls and to encourage the boys to do a lot of kick practice from now on...

OP posts:
Coolaschmoola · 04/04/2018 19:14

Tell your boys to play outside YOUR house, rather than the house 'three doors down' then there won't be any issue. Or even in YOUR garden...

Why should she have to stop whatever she is doing because some boys want their ball back NOW?

They should either play elsewhere or accept they have to wait until it's convenient for the neighbour to give the ball back.

crumble2 · 04/04/2018 19:15

YABU and your last sentence makes you sound horrible. Perhaps you should set a better example to the DC

Pengggwn · 04/04/2018 19:15

When she slammed the door, were you remonstrating with her?

treeofhearts · 04/04/2018 19:15

I love the word gumption. And yes YABU, sorry.

Rachie1973 · 04/04/2018 19:15

I never let my kids play ball in the street. I made them go to the local field.

Streets invariably have houses with glass, cars and gardens that can be damaged. I wouldn't want my belongings spoiled by other people, and think that the least I can do is ensure I treat them the same way.

DairyisClosed · 04/04/2018 19:16

Wow, how can you be so entitled? She is you neighbour nor your ball boy. Either teach your children to E more careful with their toys or accept that they will loose some balls. You are setting an appalling example for your children.

Fuzzyduck0 · 04/04/2018 19:16

You're being extremely unreasonable. You have no idea of any neighbours circumstances. They could be disabled and take them time/pain to get to the door, they could have anxiety so when the door goes they are frightened etc. I realise in this case the woman hasn't said anything along those lines but you really must try and think beyond your own children and I say that as a mother.

If I was playing Frisbee with my dog every day and it was going in your garden, would you not be annoyed at the interruption to whateveryouweredoingintheprivacyofyourownhome?

RadioGaGoo · 04/04/2018 19:17

She sounds pretty unneighbourly to me. She's not worth bothering about and I'm sure you will know exactly how to respond OP when she needs something from you in the future.

DingDongDenny · 04/04/2018 19:19

I used to live next to a school playing field, we regularly got footballs in the garden, kids coming in without asking or climbing through the hedge. We had plants destroyed and one time some idiot was doing golf practice and we got several golf balls and two smashed pots

You end up losing patience. Although I was still nice to the polite kids who knocked the door and asked permission to get their ball back

kyrenialady · 04/04/2018 19:19

I with your neighbour I'm afraid.

If you bought lots more balls and sent them over then I would have great pleasure in destroying them all.

northside · 04/04/2018 19:21

@Ameliel I'm with you, to be honest. I know that I'm in the minority on this chat, but I really don't see her issue. She should have just let your boys go and get the ball from her garden. Children play ball games, sometimes the ball ends up in other people's' gardens. It's not like it's gone through her window!

happymumof4crazykids · 04/04/2018 19:21

I am so with her! Teach the kids not to kick the ball high unless they are at the park

RachelTeeth · 04/04/2018 19:22

It’s nice to you that your kid plays, no one else is remotely interested and in fact, the noise and pitch that children communicate at is headsplitting, and the noise of —fucking— footballs drives people batshit. I will not have my day interrupted, for a variety of reasons that I don’t need to justify to anyone, so having my door knocked and then waiting for it to happen again (and again) makes my MH issue worsen. Your kid should take his ball to an area that’s big enough to accommodate football, or get a hobby that isn’t inflicted on other people.

notangelinajolie · 04/04/2018 19:23

Not only is playing ball games in the street dangerous, it will also annoy neighbours and potentially damage their cars and gardens. You should also know that it is an offence to play ball games on a public road if it is to the annoyance of road users. Be nice to your neighbours and take your children to the park.

JediStoleMyBike · 04/04/2018 19:23

I think I can see it from your neighbours perspective. I wouldn't personally mind fetching the ball for neighbourhood kids but I know others would, and they have just as much right to their peace as you or I do.

What I would be looking to do now that you know what your neighbour is prepared to do / not do is find ways of making sure your kids don't kick the ball into her garden - be it playing somewhere else, putting up a net, etc. Its a bit unreasonable of you to just expect the neighbour just to bob in and out of the garden at your whim to retrieve things that your kids have kicked in.

user1483390742 · 04/04/2018 19:24

It's an age old problem that will never go away. I remember our grumpy neighbour from when we were kids and our ball went over, my kids have upset our neighbours for the same reason, and in 20 years time I will be the grumpy neighbour who has balls coming into my garden! Wonder how i will react?!

MuttsNutts · 04/04/2018 19:25

Playing football in a residential street is antisocial and likely to piss off multiple neighbours when the ball inevitably goes into gardens or hits cars.

She has said she’ll throw balls back when she finds them so not sure why your kids wanting their ball back straight away trumps your neighbour’s wish to not be disturbed.

If they can’t kick the ball around without it ending up in her garden and potentially damaging her plants they should play in your garden or go to the park.

Knittedfairies · 04/04/2018 19:26

Maybe your boys have only kicked a ball into her garden twice, but it could be the nth time this week that someone has. Slamming the door was rude though.

TomRavenscroft · 04/04/2018 19:26

TBH I can understand. If it happened to me I'd be pissed off, as I work at home and I don't have time to stop working to let people retrieve things from my garden.

Maybe they could find somewhere else to play football, like a park.

MissDuke · 04/04/2018 19:26

Yes it is a bit unkind but at the end of the day she can do as she pleases with her own garden. She did give them a warning but they decided to play in the same spot again so really they should have listened? I personally won't let my dc play football out on the road, I expect she finds the repetitive noise of the bouncing ball really annoying. At least she isn't complaining about that. I don't really blame her for slamming the door, you didn't really have the right to challenge her the way you did especially after she gave them a chance the first time.

Ilovehamabeads · 04/04/2018 19:27

Going against the grain here but I think she wbu. Twice in a year hardly means your children are rampant hooligans. If I were picking footballs out of my flowerbeds every week I might think differently but I've no problem retrieving polite children's footballs once in a while.

blaaake · 04/04/2018 19:28

These threads never go well, but then again mumsnet is the place where nobody answers their front door unless a prior appointment is made. FWIW, YANBU and the other woman is very unneighbourly considering this is only the second time it's happened. Kids play in the street, it's better than them sitting in their rooms on Xbox getting obeseHmm

FancyNewBeesly · 04/04/2018 19:29

YABU

Last summer, every time I went into my garden the neighbours kid popped his head up to ask for his many balls back from my garden, some of which had managed to wind up in some really inaccessible places. It’s a bloody good job he wasn’t knocking on my door and asking for them back every time he kicked one over as my door would have been going constantly.

I have a lot going on and don’t want to be disturbed constantly. I take packages in for the neighbors and that’s enough of a pain in the bum. If I had kids demanding I go out in my garden and find their ball when I’m in the middle of cooking, working, taking care of my kids or curled up on the sofa in agony on morphine (as I often am), I’d tell them no, and I’ll return them when I can.

Why aren’t they playing outside your house?

Original poster
Ameliel · 04/04/2018 19:30

Ok thanks for all your replies. I can see that it seems to be a huge deal to most people, even if I can't see the problem. To me it just seems really petty. I asked if it would be ok for my son to go get the ball (so she would not have to) but she said no as he would probably step on her plants! My kids would normally play elsewhere but due to the lot of rain recently our garden is more like a pond atm :)
I obviously will tell my kids not to ring her doorbell anymore (They know never to go in other people's gardens without permission)
I was just taken back by the hostility and the way she lost it and slammed the door at us. Well we know where we stand with her now..

OP posts:
MuttsNutts · 04/04/2018 19:31

Kids play in the street, it's better than them sitting in their rooms on Xbox getting obese Hmm

Yup, because of course they are the only two options.