Aibu- ball in neighbour's garden

[Ameliel]

My two DS played football on the road outside our house today, and the ball accidentally went to a neighbour's garden. This was the 2nd time it happened, the first time my boys went to (politely) ask for the ball back and the lady in the house told them they should not knock on the door again. Instead, she would bring the ball back as and when she would find it.
This sounded a bit odd to me so when the ball went in today, I went with my son to ask for the ball back. Just as background info: we have lived here only just over a year and have not yet spoken to many people, including these neighbours who live three doors down. Its a leafy quiet suburb and the residents are mainly older people - not many families.
So I introduced myself and my son, and explained the ball had accidentally ended up in their garden again and apologised for the trouble. The lady was friendly to start with but firmly explained that "the rule" is that she does not want to be disturbed by kids knocking on her door, she is a keen gardener and so will eventually find the ball and return it at her convenience.
I pointed out that this could take days and the ball may not end up back to the right children (there are other kids too who play in the same location sometimes).
Anyway she was absolutely not budging and started telling me that I am disturbing her as she was about to serve dinner, and if I carry on we would not get the ball back at all.
I replied that I was a bit taken back by this attitude, it was not like the boys were kicking the ball in her garden by purpose, and it had only happened 2 times in total (including today).
She then slammed the door at my face!
AIBU or is she? I appreciate that it is annoying having to retrieve balls all the time, but surely its not such a big deal? She could have returned the ball twice over in the time it took to argue her case. I just really can't see why it is such a problem to go answer the door and give the ball back? Or am i missing some unwritten rule here (I'm not originally from UK, i've come across unwritten behavioural rules before, where I can't see anything wrong but my native husband thinks it is wrong) I don't want a neighbour war so please tell me, how would you handle this?
I feel quite annoyed atm by her attitude and so am inclined to buy lots more balls and to encourage the boys to do a lot of kick practice from now on...

If you are happy for your kids to kick balls into non close friend neighbours gardens then you have to be willing to pay for the damage. That may be plants, gardener time (if they use a gardener) glass or damage to objects and be prepared to apologise as you would expect if a stranger damaged your property. Also to respect that they do not need to do anything to your time limit but only to their own and this does not make them anti social,they are but human.if your child is caught entering someone's property without permission and causes damage, let's out pets etc then costs can rise very quickly and you as the parent are responsible.

I wonder how you would feel if a random stranger came into your garden half a dozen times a day to retrieve something.

The fact that your boys were polite enough to knock rather than just look is commendable.

LOLOLOLOL "at least they knocked before they tresspassed"? WTF?

Why are your DS not playing in your garden? What gives them the right to play in the road and disturb / annoy neighbours?

Our NDN have 3 boys and it's not the lobbing over into our garden that I object to it's the weight of the balls! They have proper footballs that decimate our plants every time they come over (frequently in summer). They also hit our conservatory roof with quite a thump on occasion. DH has politely asked several times whether they could use foam or lightweight balls which would not cause damage.
Our gardens are quite small and there's no need to use big heavy footballs and I do throw the balls back when I see them in the garden.
Just use common sense

Meh. Neighbour's little boy kicks ball into my garden. If I'm in there I'll throw it back, if not they have to wait till I'm home. I don't retrieve straight away but don't leave it days. I cannot be bothered to get upset about kids playing. Theyre just kids. Twice in a few days fgs. Some people seem to revel in being irritable miseries. Who on earth wants to live with that feeling?

“has an attitude that she has more right or ownership over the area than you do”
Lol, this reminds me of my neighbour who accused me of thinking I owned the street, because I asked (for about the tenth time) for her kids to stop letting themselves into my front garden. Oh the irony!

I'm glad I don't live near some of the posters on this thread Or near their children, to be more accurate.

I think she slammed the door because she tried to explain that she was busy and you wouldn't listen. Why would anyone want to swap a hot meal for search and rescue operation in a wet garden? BU

Just out interest, what would you have done had this lady been out/on holiday?

I am genuinely very concerned by the number of people who think it is acceptable to go and harass somebody in their own home and who think it is unreasonable for the harassed person to be upset and attempt to end the situation by closing the door. This has nothing to do with the age of the lady. I am young (ish!) with a small child (tornado) and work with kids; I would be mightily fed up if my doorbell kept going for yet another teenager wanting to retrieve a ball -might not have been op's boys everytime but that is irrelevant. My house is my sanctuary and I should be able to do what i want in it so long as it does not impact on anyone else.
I am fed up enough in my job of parents questioning and challenging sanctions placed on their kids. This situation reflects the growing lack of responsibility people have for things.
Oh and not everyone has gardens which are accessible without going through the house, and not everyone wants to have randoms wandering their garden. What if that's the day the owner had decided to do some topless sunbathing?!

Great life lessons for your sons here:

• No one (especially women) owe you their time

• when someone (especially a woman) communicates a boundary to you - respect it with good cheer

• your good time is not more important than what other people (especially women) have going on.

• No means no. People (especially women) don’t owe you a reason why it’s a no. They also don’t need to listen to your arguments why it should be yes.

• Women aren’t bad just because their not being helpful to you. It’s not their job to serve you.

The fact that your boys were polite enough to knock rather than just look is commendable.
Why is this commendable though?
It’s the decent thing to not just go into another person’s home/garden without their permission.

Maybe she doesn't want to keep answering her door and it may also be damaging plants in her garden. Put your address on the ball and wait for it to be given back. I'd get fed up with it too, answering the door and having damaged plants

Everyone's different. Every one has their own rules.

Children of all ages used to play football nearby. Listening to the thud, thud of the ball hitting the fence from early morning to late at night during the holidays was a nightmare.

Perhaps the park or your own garden would be better than the road, thus avoiding damaging cars or expensive plants?

SilverBirchTree I think you are taking it a bit far. You seem to be straying into the area of rape culture. Which frankly has f all to do with the occassional ball into a garden. My understanding from OP was that this was the second time in a year, not non stop and they were polite and went to the door and asked. They had the respect not to go on ahead into her garden, which I don't agree with and asked her if she would be kind enough to retrieve it. I would think it rude to slam the door in the face of a door to door salesperson. I just think it is rude full stop.

Also I am not talking about damage, broken windows etc.neither do I believe was OP.

Of course she has more ownership of her own garden what I meant is that she seems to me, maybe not to you that's fine, to be laying down the law for the whole area. Or giving the suggestion that she does. The rules on playing in this area are x and I am going to give them to you. I don't know the layout of OPs street but given the way some/many houses are built today in front of your own house might only be containable if you were football playing mice.

And so to me before any assumptions are made. I have no sons. My daughters don't play ball. Growing up we were the end house and our fence was de facto goal post. The whole house shook when the ball hit, all evening in the summer sometimes, often we would go out/ I would be in my bedrooom when some random teenager would stroll past. It was a PITA drove the whole family mad. Later though when there would be the occassional ball from different kids and the rang the bell my parents were very grateful. Took it as a live and let live. I am the same in my own home now.

If it is now and again no need for this lady to be so unpleasant.

Perhaps Mumsnet would do better to get annoyed at planning allowing smaller and smaller houses on every available scrap.of land with no green space or just accept that our kids will be fat lumps glued to their ipads, but sure so long as the neighbours dinner doesn't burn or the occassional allium gets squashed. Who cares about childhood obesity when there are a few temporarily flattened bedding plants to contend with.

@momof5gmof2 ** I'm glad I don't live anywhere near you! Neighbours complain about noise from the "loads of kids" you always have round. Your husband fixes that by encouraging them to make more noise! You sound absolutely awful and a nightmare to life near.

It matters not if the neighbour was unreasonable or not, it is her garden and it is her rules. I also had a rule for my two football playing sons.....it was wait until the neighbour throws the ball back!

YABU. Your DC do not have the right to their ball back especially straight away when they have kicked it in to someone else’s property. They should have had control of it or played in your garden or the park. I used to tell my own dc that it was too bad if they kicked theirs own the fence and that they had to wait to get it returned and could not knock for it. They learnt to control it pretty quickly.

@Findingdotty , I agree (as per my post below). Also it might be that the kids are now too big to play football in the street/garden?

It's only gone over twice in a year may mean they are at the age when their kicking is too hard and they need to play with n a park. Which is why the ball is now going over?

I think the neighbour was being unneighbourly, your sons were polite and so were you. Such a pity that she was so negative