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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu- ball in neighbour's garden

507 replies

Ameliel · 04/04/2018 19:04

My two DS played football on the road outside our house today, and the ball accidentally went to a neighbour's garden. This was the 2nd time it happened, the first time my boys went to (politely) ask for the ball back and the lady in the house told them they should not knock on the door again. Instead, she would bring the ball back as and when she would find it.
This sounded a bit odd to me so when the ball went in today, I went with my son to ask for the ball back. Just as background info: we have lived here only just over a year and have not yet spoken to many people, including these neighbours who live three doors down. Its a leafy quiet suburb and the residents are mainly older people - not many families.
So I introduced myself and my son, and explained the ball had accidentally ended up in their garden again and apologised for the trouble. The lady was friendly to start with but firmly explained that "the rule" is that she does not want to be disturbed by kids knocking on her door, she is a keen gardener and so will eventually find the ball and return it at her convenience.
I pointed out that this could take days and the ball may not end up back to the right children (there are other kids too who play in the same location sometimes).
Anyway she was absolutely not budging and started telling me that I am disturbing her as she was about to serve dinner, and if I carry on we would not get the ball back at all.
I replied that I was a bit taken back by this attitude, it was not like the boys were kicking the ball in her garden by purpose, and it had only happened 2 times in total (including today).
She then slammed the door at my face!
AIBU or is she? I appreciate that it is annoying having to retrieve balls all the time, but surely its not such a big deal? She could have returned the ball twice over in the time it took to argue her case. I just really can't see why it is such a problem to go answer the door and give the ball back? Or am i missing some unwritten rule here (I'm not originally from UK, i've come across unwritten behavioural rules before, where I can't see anything wrong but my native husband thinks it is wrong) I don't want a neighbour war so please tell me, how would you handle this?
I feel quite annoyed atm by her attitude and so am inclined to buy lots more balls and to encourage the boys to do a lot of kick practice from now on...

OP posts:
findingmyfeet12 · 05/04/2018 21:07

Playing out is fine but playing ball games out isn't unless you can guarantee that the ball wont hit a person, car, house etc

Meli1977 · 05/04/2018 21:12

She sounds like a house may land on her very shortly. What a witch!

SickofThomasTheTank · 05/04/2018 21:13

@Ameliel I am Disabled. For me to get to my front door multiple times over is incredibly painful. I do also DESPISE answering the door to strangers due to a ridiculous dose of Anxiety I have developed over the past two years. (I went from working in sales to being anxious of speaking to anyone?!)

Not everyone is like you.

Dukesmama · 05/04/2018 21:15

This woman sounds like everything that's wrong with the world today, worse still she's teaching her kids that her ways the right way, yay even more disrespectful people for the future!
The poor neighbour probably had her dinner ruined and probably damaged plants. Did this woman even consider asking if any of her property was damaged due to her kids. Probably not. Glad she's not my neighbour tbh she sounds like a proper douche.

MissSeventies · 05/04/2018 21:16

I am sure I am going against the grain here, but I don't think there is any need for her attitude and certainly having to retrieve the odd ball is no excuse for slamming the door in your face. If you were being polite, as you said, there is no excuse for that at all.

A lot of people seem to have trouble with live and let live these days. The odd disturbance is part and parcel of living in a street or development. If you want no disturbance at all move to a house out on your own!

Her attitude and comments about the 'rules' suggest to me that she is asserting her dominance over you and has an attitude that she has more right or ownership over the area than you do. I see you are being asked to consider neighbour relations but it does not appear to go both ways.

minionsrule · 05/04/2018 21:20

My ds plays footy, cricket and badminton in our back garden. If balls go over, and they do, we leave it till it is discovered and thrown back.
A soft ball went over one side last week so we left it. I knocked tonight at their house for a different neighbourly reason and they asked if ds had a small blue ball, i said yes thats ours, sorry enthusiastic cricket! She apologised and said daughters dog had got to it before they had seen it.... thats fine, not their problem.
OP teach your ds not to play ball in front of their house, if they do you have to suck it up...... thems the rules like it or not

MissSeventies · 05/04/2018 21:21

Also OP going to leave this up here. George Monbiot - The Child Inside

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.monbiot.com/2015/01/06/the-child-inside/&ved=2ahUKEwjWoYyy-qPaAhXD3CwKHRzOAwMQFjAAegQIAxAB&usg=AOvVaw2qB9SvZewDpkEhdUeemOMJ" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.monbiot.com/2015/01/06/the-child-inside/&ved=2ahUKEwjWoYyy-qPaAhXD3CwKHRzOAwMQFjAAegQIAxAB&usg=AOvVaw2qB9SvZewDpkEhdUeemOMJ

MissSeventies · 05/04/2018 21:26

DukesMama I disagree I think the door slamming neighbour is what is wrong with the world today. We are expected to have silent streets with perfectly manicured, treeless, gardens in which no sits lest they may speak or peg noisy washing out even on a Sunday. Children are to be inside at all times and only taken to play at specially designated parks where small humans are acceptable. If the parents are working and don't have time or don't live near or not have transport tough luck.

cheval · 05/04/2018 21:28

This sounds like my life several years ago. Low fences, football mad kids in garden. Balls went pinging everywhere. Ex built massive goal net to try to keep them in, didn’t work. Neighbour as ever unhelpful. Don’t know how much I spent on blooming footballs. And then there was her problem with my dog who barked a lot. She subsequently had the cheek to say how much she missed my now dead dog and now grown up boys who don’t play footie here anymore.

MrMeSeeks · 05/04/2018 21:35

Her attitude and comments about the 'rules' suggest to me that she is asserting her dominance over you and has an attitude that she has more right or ownership over the area than you do. I see you are being asked to consider neighbour relations but it does not appear to go both ways
Yes because it couldn't possibly be that she simply doesn't want to be fetching balls on demand Hmm
She also may have a life, pain, plants and be in the middle of something.
Even if they are her rules, they’re perfectly acceptable ones.

IWouldLikeToKnow · 05/04/2018 21:39

With having RTFF (>400 posts), she is being ridiculous. It's a ball. There are kids in the street, it happens. Maybe she should live somewhere more remote if she doesn't want neighbours. I get that it's annoying but seriously, she needs to get a life.

Having said that, she sounds like she belongs here in Mumsnet. As apparently, people here don't allow their kids to play football on the street and are happy to spoil the fun of those that do

Skatingfastonthinice · 05/04/2018 21:42

Do those suggesting a move to a detached property in the country have a clue how much that costs in the SE? Just because a person doesn’t want to interact with bossy neighbours. Just leave her alone and there won’t be a problem.

Bumblefuddle · 05/04/2018 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Skatingfastonthinice · 05/04/2018 21:43

She probably quite likes neighbours, has friends and civilised company. Just not footballing boys.

ConstantReminder · 05/04/2018 21:48

Her attitude and comments about the 'rules' suggest to me that she is asserting her dominance over you and has an attitude that she has more right or ownership over the area than you do

......maybe because she does have more right over what goes in her own garden and what she does in her own time at home!

hks · 05/04/2018 21:48

It is annoying . especially if it is several times a day ( in the good weather) my neighbours daughter and a boy a few a few houses up used to do this kick the ball into our garden . caughter on of my neighbours relations trying to climb the fence to get it till i told him he was lucky my dog wasnt out.
Another boy few doors up asked me to get his ball.. but i was on my way out and he was told i'd look when i got back .. he wanted it there and then and wasnt happy he would have to wait.

MrsSchadenfreude · 05/04/2018 21:51

I was like your neighbour once, but only to a particular neighbour, who told her son loudly, and within earshot of my two that she “didn’t want him playing with tenant scum who rented their house, only the children of people who owned their own homes like his Mummy and Daddy.” I’d have given him his ball back if he’d come round on his own, but as he wasn’t allowed to speak to us, his Mum came round instead. I was terribly polite, but firm, and got the DDs to give it back to him when they saw him mooching about in the garden on his own. Poor little sod, having a mother like that.

oobedobe · 05/04/2018 21:52

We have nice neighbours but I always made it clear to my two DC that if the ball/frisbee/etc goes over next door, then that is their fault and they must wait for it to be returned.

Makes them be more careful with their stuff, I think it is really cheeky to encourage them to disturb the neighbours by knocking on their door. I can definitely see that that would get annoying pretty quickly.

MrsDilber · 05/04/2018 21:53

Being disturbed would be annoying if you're having a rest (a lot of older people struggle with sleeping at night). Also, as she's a keen gardener, your kids kicking their ball in your garden, could damage plants, so I see her side of this.

I also see the side of it being nice, having kids out playing and off their tablets/TV on a spring day. Balls get kicked about, it's life, it's good for your kids to be kids.

It's a tricky one op. Might be worth steering them clear of her garden.

Graphista · 05/04/2018 21:58

"she has more right or ownership over the area than you do" she DOES its her garden! (And yes I know that isn't what you meant but the reality is the ball went IN the garden)

"The odd disturbance is part and parcel of living in a street or development."

1 - it doesn't sound like the "odd" disturbance at all as the op themselves said other kids doing same

2 WHY should it be part and parcel? There's no good reason for the kids to play in the street

sgtmajormum · 05/04/2018 22:01

Get on really well with my right side neighbours, they just chuck our balls back over to us and vice versa (we have more than 1 football so no problem to wait). Other side keep to themselves so we pop a note through their door asking for ball back when they have a sec (my kids rarely seem to lose a ball that side as they know will take ages to get back)

NellythePink · 05/04/2018 22:12

Tell your DC to play in the park, so they don't disturb/annoy other people

Hippee · 05/04/2018 22:24

TBH I'm not surprised that we've not won the World Cup since 1966 - our ball control is obviously crap.

mrcharlie · 05/04/2018 22:35

This reply has been deleted

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Bluelonerose · 05/04/2018 22:41

Not read the full thread but my rules are you can go ask for a ball back ONCE per day. I think once is fair enough. Anything more is just annoying.