Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu- ball in neighbour's garden

507 replies

Ameliel · 04/04/2018 19:04

My two DS played football on the road outside our house today, and the ball accidentally went to a neighbour's garden. This was the 2nd time it happened, the first time my boys went to (politely) ask for the ball back and the lady in the house told them they should not knock on the door again. Instead, she would bring the ball back as and when she would find it.
This sounded a bit odd to me so when the ball went in today, I went with my son to ask for the ball back. Just as background info: we have lived here only just over a year and have not yet spoken to many people, including these neighbours who live three doors down. Its a leafy quiet suburb and the residents are mainly older people - not many families.
So I introduced myself and my son, and explained the ball had accidentally ended up in their garden again and apologised for the trouble. The lady was friendly to start with but firmly explained that "the rule" is that she does not want to be disturbed by kids knocking on her door, she is a keen gardener and so will eventually find the ball and return it at her convenience.
I pointed out that this could take days and the ball may not end up back to the right children (there are other kids too who play in the same location sometimes).
Anyway she was absolutely not budging and started telling me that I am disturbing her as she was about to serve dinner, and if I carry on we would not get the ball back at all.
I replied that I was a bit taken back by this attitude, it was not like the boys were kicking the ball in her garden by purpose, and it had only happened 2 times in total (including today).
She then slammed the door at my face!
AIBU or is she? I appreciate that it is annoying having to retrieve balls all the time, but surely its not such a big deal? She could have returned the ball twice over in the time it took to argue her case. I just really can't see why it is such a problem to go answer the door and give the ball back? Or am i missing some unwritten rule here (I'm not originally from UK, i've come across unwritten behavioural rules before, where I can't see anything wrong but my native husband thinks it is wrong) I don't want a neighbour war so please tell me, how would you handle this?
I feel quite annoyed atm by her attitude and so am inclined to buy lots more balls and to encourage the boys to do a lot of kick practice from now on...

OP posts:
LizzyELane · 05/04/2018 19:37

When I was aged between 8 an 11 we lived on a lovely small housing estate in a country village. I had a great primary school, lots of friends, very settled. However, the next door neighbour, a C of E Reverand, made my polite, quiet but friendly parents lives a misery. The front gardens were separated by a small strip of wood set into the grass and if my tennis ball rolled onto their lawn he would make a huge fuss 'Keep your daughter off our land', that sort of thing. They moved because of them, to a farmhouse with just two neighbours, much further away. That was the end if my cosy school, local friends, etc, and life wasn't the same, because some people are just sooo nasty.

Nicknacky · 05/04/2018 19:41

Jeez momof5 you have been so unlucky to Liberty near so many people who have a hatred of children.

And your husband sounds like an areshole.

flowergrrl77 · 05/04/2018 19:42

Most housing areas are designated as no ball games where I grew up! If you wanted to play ball games, you went to the park a 5-10 min walk away.

Nik2015 · 05/04/2018 19:47

YABU

Tweez · 05/04/2018 19:49

So, is the Op now going to stop her children kicking balls into her neighbours gardens?

Lizzie48 · 05/04/2018 19:51

I agree, Nicknacky the correct response to that complaint is to apologise for the noise, not to tell your DCs to shout more loudly. You should then show some consideration, some people don't like a lot of noise, we all need to show each other some consideration.

There are playgrounds where children can play noisily.

Juells · 05/04/2018 19:59

Jeez momof5 you have been so unlucky to Liberty near so many people who have a hatred of children.

I'm not convinced. Could anyone really be that oblivious? Grin

Nicknacky · 05/04/2018 20:01

I hate typing on an iPad. Liberty?!!! Obviously that should be “live near”

Graphista · 05/04/2018 20:08

Momof5 - so you're blaming everyone else but yourself? Sounds about right. And your husband made matters worse - encouraging antisocial behaviour - excellent parenting. Geez even "only" 5 children is loud enough to be very annoying but it ALSO sounds like you had half the bloody neighbourhood there! Even if each of your DC only had 1 friend round at a time (doesn't sound like it) that's 10 kids making more and more noise! And of COURSE the other parents loved you, you were providing free childcare inc food!

"She just shut the door on you, didn't she? You just changed it to slamming to get sympathy." I'm inclined to agree

Deckchair1009 · 05/04/2018 20:12

It can be annoying if you are a shift worker or have medical issues, or generally just value your peace. In my experience, as new neighbours, kids would kick the ball over repetitively out of curiosity just to see us and maybe see our garden! It soon got tedious for us,especially as I was pregnant and really tired, but we were never rude, just ignored them. Incidentally my kids have thrown a few balls over next door (they’re preschoolers) and I’ve said, “tough luck” neighbour will throw them back when they’re noticed. I’d be more annoyed by the potential damage your kids will do to the cars to be honest. Take them to the park or let them play in your garden.

mooncuplanding · 05/04/2018 20:15

There are some right miserable bastards around

I’ll never understand why people are so arsed by this. If you don’t want to have contact with people (e.g. neighbours) go live in a cave

Idontdowindows · 05/04/2018 20:18

How hard is it to occasionally retrieve a ball for kids.

Try doing it with arthritis, or rheumatism, or facet syndrome, or the general aches and pains of old age, or any number of things that make this sort of shit actually fucking hard.

And then try doing it 20 times a day in the summer, all the time that fucking bell going "can we have our ball please" and every bloody time it comes back, and it destroys another plant, or it hits you in the head as you're sitting in the garden, or it lands on your table and there go your cups and your tea and that's another set of clean laundry fucked because of the lovely little darlings.

SpringNowPlease2018 · 05/04/2018 20:27

Mooncuplanding

"f you don’t want to have contact with people (e.g. neighbours) go live in a cave"

I get on great with my neighbours, we go to the pub etc. We're all considerate and text before dropping by. We don't need to live in caves. Sometimes I ask their kids to quieten down (they play in the hall, it's flats) and they do.

Live in cave or accept all bad manners aren't the only choices! Heck, I even babysit on occasion.

blitzen · 05/04/2018 20:31

Ameliel I think your neighbour isn't being very neighbourly here, and I think slamming the door in your face is disgusting. If she ever needs a favour I hope you you tell her that you don't wish to be disturbed!

(I am horrible though)

Juells · 05/04/2018 20:32

When my BiL was a child he lived next door to a man who, if a ball went in his garden, would hold the ball up for the kids to see, plunge a pen-knife in and twist it, then throw it back.

Bumblefuddle · 05/04/2018 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WiddlinDiddling · 05/04/2018 20:39

Sorry, that would hack me right off.

Am disabled, would struggle to get to the door.
Have five dogs who would all go nuts at the door each time. ( And I don't want them to NOT bark at the door, I need that or sometimes I won't hear it plus I like the security of knowing the person outside knows theres dogs in here)..

Ball games are for big gardens and parks.

Streets are for passing through, for driving through, not for playing on.

If you want your kids to play football, secure your garden so they can without the ball coming over OR, get off your bottom and take your children to the park yourself.

Shadow1986 · 05/04/2018 20:42

My son always kicks balls into neighbours gardens, we never knock for them, we wait for them to be thrown back over at their own convenience. We have a lot of balls for this reason!

Juells · 05/04/2018 20:42

I like the fact, too, that the OP's DC can't play in her garden because it's a quagmire after the rain, but her neighbour is supposed to be happy to traipse out into her quagmire several times a day to retrieve balls.

alig99 · 05/04/2018 20:43

My wonderful (not) neighbour actually stole my grandsons ball and destroyed it the very first time it went into her garden he didn’t kick he bounced and he did catch it properly knocking over the fence accidentally. Nasty piece of work, of course denied her actions.

Nicknacky · 05/04/2018 20:46

shadow why don’t you stop it happening in the first place?

FrancisCrawford · 05/04/2018 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TinLizzy · 05/04/2018 20:53

Why are there so many children kicking balls about!? It has to be the most base level entertainment activity there is! Do none of them play actual games? With rules, characters, plots, etc?
No wonder they all grow into slack-jawed dullards.

curious86 · 05/04/2018 21:01

Tinlizzy kicking balls about is called practicing football skills, also I'd rather my DS be out playing then stuck in a computer.

I understand both points of view with the ball and garden it could be annoying for the woman but also if it was an accident then they should be able to play, if there's a local park they will be better off there so you don't get into neighbors at war

JacquesHammer · 05/04/2018 21:06

Tinlizzy kicking balls about is called practicing football skills, also I'd rather my DS be out playing then stuck in a computer

It doesn't have to be an either/or!

Swipe left for the next trending thread