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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not paying even though I 'invited '?

986 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 04/04/2018 09:10

Background:
For my dds birthday last year we invited some friends to soft play at a pub. I played entry for all the kids (and some siblings that came unexpectedly too). We brought a cake and everyone had a piece as well as juice to drink, if they wanted anything else they had to buy it (tea/coffee etc). As it came to dinner time I told them we were staying for dinner and people were welcome to join us. A couple did and we then paid for their meals (they didn't seem to expect this).
I have met up with one of the mum/ child that came and stayed for the meal at the same soft play since. She'd messaged asking to meet, I said me and another friend were planning to go to soft play and have lunch there if she wanted to join. We all arrived at different times so paid our own entry (she was last, text me when outside that she was here so when she got in I looked up and waved but didn't go over) and at food time we all ordered separately. She seemed a little quiet but had said she was tired cos her lo was waking up alot. We have met up since, but not at soft play, and all seemed fine.

So, yesterday the same happened again. She called asking if I wanted to meet up over the holiday. I said we were meeting a friend at soft play today if she wanted to join but we could meet some other time if she didn't fancy it. She said she'd join but then made a joke 'I suppose you're going to treat me like last time though'. When i queried what she meant she said that she was cross last time that I didn't pay for her entry or food. I was surprised and said that we don't normally pay for each other when we go out. She said that normally if invited you'd expect the host to pay and reminded me that I had done it before for dds birthday. I said I felt that was different and that this is not an invite in the same way, if she didn't want to come then I was happy to meet some other time elsewhere but I couldn't afford to pay for her every time we meet. She put the phone down on me.
Since then she has blocked me on fb, WhatsApp etc and been in touch with the other friend, trying to change the plans so they go to a different soft play together today but without me. She's said she will pay for that woman and child as 'that's how it's done between friends '. The friend has said to her that she's not leaving me out and that she would never expect to be paid for but that she is still welcome to join us at the originally planned place, or we can meet elsewhere another time if she doesn't fancy it. She's said she will think about whether she can face it and let her know.

Was I wrong? It's not the way I've ever done it with meet ups unless it's been a special occasion. I'm a sahm and meet up with people in similar ways all the time. If I had to pay for other people every time I'd not be able to do it at all!

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 04/04/2018 11:52

How bizarre!

QuackPorridgeBacon · 04/04/2018 11:53

She’s crazy. She got something once and now expects it all the time and tried to guilt you into paying. Now she is being spiteful. That screams crazy and clearly has some odd ideas so I’d just ignore her and not pay any attention to her. What a weirdo.

Fireballfriends · 04/04/2018 11:57

wtaf?

NewPapaGuinea · 04/04/2018 12:03

How would anyone anywhere make plans with people if it was expected the initiator to fund the entire groups' activity?

Just think how odd it would be if you invited your friends down the pub and was then expected to pay for all of their drinks? Or a trip to the cinema and pay for their ticket or another 100 different social occasions...

Mammyloveswine · 04/04/2018 12:03

What a complete cf! Im gobsmacked!

Lacucuracha · 04/04/2018 12:20

I could understand her way of doing it - if she had ever called you, invited you to soft play and made clear that it would be her treat because she was doing the inviting.

I love this level of batshit, though.

LLO7 · 04/04/2018 12:21

That is really odd. YANBU at all!

CluedoAddict · 04/04/2018 12:24

What a piss taking freeloader. It's scary people like that exist.

womaninatightspot · 04/04/2018 12:25

I wouldn't pay for someone I'd "invited" to soft play it's just a playdate in a neutral location and I'd buy my own food. Probably at some point spring for a coffee or have one bought for me in a vague reciprocal arrangement but that's just because it makes sense for one person to go get coffee and the other to watch kids.

CupofFrothyCoffee · 04/04/2018 12:29

I've never heard of such an arrangement. She's a cheeky mare.

Joey7t8 · 04/04/2018 12:33

She must be a very strange woman to think that this is a normal expectation.

RavenLG · 04/04/2018 12:35

She's a massie CF and you were right to tell her where to go. I would have been less polite Grin You did a very nice thing by paying for their meals at DC's birthday and she's taking advantage.

If she genuinely feels like the 'invite' means 'I'm paying' surely common courtesy would dictate you take in turns, so after 2 rounds of you paying it's her turn! Cheeky as fuck and balls of brass to get the arses with you and go around trying to steal friends.

Jobjobjob · 04/04/2018 12:35

She's as mad as a box of frogs! Ignore her!

Bluntness100 · 04/04/2018 12:42

That's very strange behaviour. I'd have to assume she has significant money problems, wishes to socialise and needs others to pay for her. I can't think why anyone would think they should be paid for for a meet up at a soft play area. You're not the host in that scenario, it's just a bunch of friends meeting up.

So for me, I'd have to say there was issues with her spending money the last time and she couldn't afford it this time. She wouldn't have paid for the friend if they changed venue.

Tiredmum100 · 04/04/2018 12:43

I meet up at soft play places all time. Always pay my own entry and for food/drinks. I did buy my friend a cup of tea as she had her baby with her and hands full and a jug of squash for the dc. But she would do that for me. But no we pay for our own food. It's really weird to expect others to pay for you. Again soft play parties, I always pay entry for the dc and food for them all too. I would offer the adults a hot drink depending on who's there but generally if I take my dc to a soft play party I pay for my own drinks and entry/food for my other dc if I have no other child care. I certainly wouldn't expect the host to pay for extra children who weren't invited.

OhmeMyDog · 04/04/2018 12:45

Sounds like something my sister would do! For years we'd meet up (I'd ask if she wanted to meet for dinner) and she never once paid or offered to pay. Her reasoning was I always invited her (she never suggested meeting) and I earned more than her. We are currently NC for a whole host of other reasons. Lack of social awareness and possibly on the spectrum?

HouseworkIsASin10 · 04/04/2018 12:50

She called asking if I wanted to meet up over the holiday.

Well by her reckoning she should be paying for you. Daft mare.

frigginell · 04/04/2018 12:54

Is she from a very different culture op? If not, how weird?!

Of course yanbu, you pay for yourself and your own children at soft play, no matter who suggests it.

Figgygal · 04/04/2018 13:09

she is utterly batshit if she thinks that is normal. As for blocking you and trying to convince your friend to go out with her instead what a pathetic twat.

I wouldn't have even paid for people to stay for a meal at your DC's party as it was there choice to stay and the party element was over.

Weezol · 04/04/2018 15:04

Has she recently been on a month long road trip to the USA?Grin

Thebluedog · 04/04/2018 15:07

AHe is crackers, of course you shouldn’t have paid for her

Heatherjayne1972 · 04/04/2018 15:13

The only person I’d do that for is my sister but then she’d pay for food/coffee while in the venue

Normally with friends you just pay for your self / own children

BMW6 · 04/04/2018 15:26

Batshit fucking freeloading chancer. Nothing "cheeky" about her appalling brazen cuntery.

Hope I've made my view clear Smile

fc301 · 04/04/2018 15:49

BMW6 no I'm not entirely sure of your position 😁

GreenTulips · 04/04/2018 16:12

Hope I've made my view clear

Can you go over that just once more for clarity?