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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not paying even though I 'invited '?

986 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 04/04/2018 09:10

Background:
For my dds birthday last year we invited some friends to soft play at a pub. I played entry for all the kids (and some siblings that came unexpectedly too). We brought a cake and everyone had a piece as well as juice to drink, if they wanted anything else they had to buy it (tea/coffee etc). As it came to dinner time I told them we were staying for dinner and people were welcome to join us. A couple did and we then paid for their meals (they didn't seem to expect this).
I have met up with one of the mum/ child that came and stayed for the meal at the same soft play since. She'd messaged asking to meet, I said me and another friend were planning to go to soft play and have lunch there if she wanted to join. We all arrived at different times so paid our own entry (she was last, text me when outside that she was here so when she got in I looked up and waved but didn't go over) and at food time we all ordered separately. She seemed a little quiet but had said she was tired cos her lo was waking up alot. We have met up since, but not at soft play, and all seemed fine.

So, yesterday the same happened again. She called asking if I wanted to meet up over the holiday. I said we were meeting a friend at soft play today if she wanted to join but we could meet some other time if she didn't fancy it. She said she'd join but then made a joke 'I suppose you're going to treat me like last time though'. When i queried what she meant she said that she was cross last time that I didn't pay for her entry or food. I was surprised and said that we don't normally pay for each other when we go out. She said that normally if invited you'd expect the host to pay and reminded me that I had done it before for dds birthday. I said I felt that was different and that this is not an invite in the same way, if she didn't want to come then I was happy to meet some other time elsewhere but I couldn't afford to pay for her every time we meet. She put the phone down on me.
Since then she has blocked me on fb, WhatsApp etc and been in touch with the other friend, trying to change the plans so they go to a different soft play together today but without me. She's said she will pay for that woman and child as 'that's how it's done between friends '. The friend has said to her that she's not leaving me out and that she would never expect to be paid for but that she is still welcome to join us at the originally planned place, or we can meet elsewhere another time if she doesn't fancy it. She's said she will think about whether she can face it and let her know.

Was I wrong? It's not the way I've ever done it with meet ups unless it's been a special occasion. I'm a sahm and meet up with people in similar ways all the time. If I had to pay for other people every time I'd not be able to do it at all!

OP posts:
KeepServingTheDrinks · 11/04/2018 14:54

Guesture

Shall

Dammit. The best post I've ever written trashed by sodding auto correct

Weezol · 11/04/2018 15:12

I like either: Softzilla - You Play, You Pay or Softzilla - Fleecing Me Softly.

Schaden Any chance of a thread about the elbow? 'This is not just any elbow. This is a Marks & Spencer Elbow'.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/04/2018 15:34

Keepserving

Doesn't look as though there's much I could teach you.

Would you like to present one of the modules? ("CheekyFuckery with Credit Cards: a Guide for Entitled Twats') Let me know.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/04/2018 15:40

Oh Weezol!

I never even thought about an elbow thread (though I have shared a shortened version of the tale above, over a matey Fry's Chocolate Cream with Keepserving*.

I have some theories about the incident and how it was handled - most have been suggested to me by people I meet and chat to when walking my dogs (I know all the dogs' names, but only about two of the people, so I couldn't enlighten anyone about them if I wanted to). Some of them are things that would never have occurred to me, but in retrospect I think they could well be right.

It was my poorly elbow, too - I have to be careful about my Bones because of a Medical Condition, but I was pretty sure that it was all surface agony, and it seems that I was right as my arm hasn't dropped off.

  • Yes - believe it or not, those are the edited highlights in my previous post.
SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/04/2018 15:41

If it does come to a resentful thread, may I use your inspired thread title?

KeepServingTheDrinks · 11/04/2018 16:05

Sympathetically hands back the fry's chocolate untouched Sad

Flowers

Would be thrilled to present a module. Esp if you pay me but the other tutors do it for free?

dontticklethetoad · 11/04/2018 16:16

Oh definitely Softzilla: You play, you pay Grin

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/04/2018 17:07

The only other tutor is me.

I'm getting paid. Obviously you do it for free because by boasting about your skills you INVITED me to ask you. That makes you the host so you have to pay.

Them's the rules. Grin

YoThePussy · 11/04/2018 18:43

I am getting increasingly excited about the workshop. Instead of a sandwich lunch will there be lashings of Fry’s Chocolate Creams?

Wondering if I could launch my latest book there? Is entitled Softzilla, a Compendium and contains ‘Introducing Softzilla’, ‘Softzilla Has a Tantrum’, ‘Softzilla Causes Trouble’ , ‘Softzilla goes to a Party’ and ‘Softzilla Leaves Town’.

YoThePussy · 11/04/2018 18:44

Meant to say sorry about your terrible accident Schadenfreude. M&S wumman sounds like a Zilla too.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 11/04/2018 19:20
SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/04/2018 19:35

Bitchzilla Pussy.

I am as well as can be expected under the circumstances Grin

TBH I am more enraged at my letter being ignored than I was at knocking seven bells out of me elbow!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/04/2018 19:37

Pussy

They sound perfect for a child's Early Years . . .

milliegeobotandyou · 11/04/2018 19:44

Haha is this real? I wouldn't take this as a loss, what a cheeky fucker.

How basic do you have to be not to understand that you paid for the meal (very generously on that one imo) and the entries etc because it was for a birthday party!

I wonder if she's actually told the true story to the other friends, if so they'll think she's as nuts as you do so don't worry.

LittlePaintBox · 11/04/2018 19:57

She sounds like she doesn't really understand normal behaviour!

Sparklynails7 · 11/04/2018 20:11

First off, I think paying for your child's friends' entries was the right thing to do (as it was your child's birthday) but it was rather generous of you to pay for the unexpected siblings they brought with them! I think that's really cheeky of the parents because it should be invite only. Secondly, paying for a child's entry as part of a birthday celebration is completely different to paying for the entry and meal for an adult woman! What a strange woman. She was probably spoilt as a child and throws a strop whenever she does not get her own way.

YoThePussy · 11/04/2018 20:46

There will be a singeing of the books, always remember Sarah Kennedy describing it as such on Radio 2 back in the day when she was a DJ there. Free copies will be dispensed.

They are illustrated with Softzilla depicted as a sort of Struwwelpeter like character.

Anyways see you all on the other side at thread 2.

ReanimatedSGB · 11/04/2018 23:12

A singeing of the books?

Bloody hell, I'm going to one of these on Saturday.

MiddleClassProblem · 11/04/2018 23:14

It’s turning a bit culty

stopderailing · 12/04/2018 01:12

Another thread derailed.

stopderailing · 12/04/2018 01:13

Another thread derailed.

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 12/04/2018 07:24

The thread has not been derailed at all stopderailing and I have enjoyed SchadenfreudePersonified input. It has cheered me up when I've been feeling pretty blue. And even if it had, you're a tad late and we've moved on to a new thread.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 12/04/2018 07:24

Why is it derailed? There’s another thread, isn’t there?? Fgs

Schaden
Looking forward to V&V “derail”. Wink. Think you should put a thread up looking for recruitees on your course and the 10 best suggestions for cunning revenge on M&S woman get a place.

FloatyFlo · 12/04/2018 08:27

Can someone link to the new thread please? Grin