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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not paying even though I 'invited '?

986 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 04/04/2018 09:10

Background:
For my dds birthday last year we invited some friends to soft play at a pub. I played entry for all the kids (and some siblings that came unexpectedly too). We brought a cake and everyone had a piece as well as juice to drink, if they wanted anything else they had to buy it (tea/coffee etc). As it came to dinner time I told them we were staying for dinner and people were welcome to join us. A couple did and we then paid for their meals (they didn't seem to expect this).
I have met up with one of the mum/ child that came and stayed for the meal at the same soft play since. She'd messaged asking to meet, I said me and another friend were planning to go to soft play and have lunch there if she wanted to join. We all arrived at different times so paid our own entry (she was last, text me when outside that she was here so when she got in I looked up and waved but didn't go over) and at food time we all ordered separately. She seemed a little quiet but had said she was tired cos her lo was waking up alot. We have met up since, but not at soft play, and all seemed fine.

So, yesterday the same happened again. She called asking if I wanted to meet up over the holiday. I said we were meeting a friend at soft play today if she wanted to join but we could meet some other time if she didn't fancy it. She said she'd join but then made a joke 'I suppose you're going to treat me like last time though'. When i queried what she meant she said that she was cross last time that I didn't pay for her entry or food. I was surprised and said that we don't normally pay for each other when we go out. She said that normally if invited you'd expect the host to pay and reminded me that I had done it before for dds birthday. I said I felt that was different and that this is not an invite in the same way, if she didn't want to come then I was happy to meet some other time elsewhere but I couldn't afford to pay for her every time we meet. She put the phone down on me.
Since then she has blocked me on fb, WhatsApp etc and been in touch with the other friend, trying to change the plans so they go to a different soft play together today but without me. She's said she will pay for that woman and child as 'that's how it's done between friends '. The friend has said to her that she's not leaving me out and that she would never expect to be paid for but that she is still welcome to join us at the originally planned place, or we can meet elsewhere another time if she doesn't fancy it. She's said she will think about whether she can face it and let her know.

Was I wrong? It's not the way I've ever done it with meet ups unless it's been a special occasion. I'm a sahm and meet up with people in similar ways all the time. If I had to pay for other people every time I'd not be able to do it at all!

OP posts:
youarenotkiddingme · 04/04/2018 10:32

She asked if you want to meet - but when you suggest she meets up with you and others at soft play it suddenly becomes you inviting her?

She's as mad as a box of frogs 😂

I don't expect friends to pay - however sometimes it has happened. For example my best friend going through a really difficult time couldn't afford to meet up during half term - so I text her to invite her and her youngest dd for a surprise day out - my treat.

DairyisClosed · 04/04/2018 10:33

I would take turns paying as that is generally what is done. So one friend foots the bill one time, the other next time etc. Obviously if one us hosting then one must pay. But thus doesn't amount to hosting. You already made plans and welcomed her to join in as opposed to organising a meet up, asking her to come, making sure that she was coming etc. This was a rock up if you feel like it vs I am formally inviting you to x iyswim. There really is no way that she could have reasonably interpreted this as you hosting them at soft play. This Really isn't about manners, it's about her not wanting g to pay.

Fromage · 04/04/2018 10:34

omg

she is a CCF

completely cheeky fucker

And also deluded. This is not how normal people behave.

I'm glad your friend stood up for you and told the strange lady no.

troodiedoo · 04/04/2018 10:35

What a fucking liberty! Your life will be much improved without her in it.

Weezol · 04/04/2018 10:35

Congratulations on your escape. Block everything and wave her goodbye with both fingers.

OneStepSideways · 04/04/2018 10:37

Very odd behaviour! I think you had a lucky escape there.

When we go to softplay with friends we all pay separately. I'd pay for a friend if they'd forgotten their wallet or were short before payday but as a one off not a regular thing.

A party's different, the host usually pays for everyone's food and refreshments.

ItsNachoCheese · 04/04/2018 10:39

Shes done you a favour by blocking you what a cheeky fucker she is

KiraL · 04/04/2018 10:41

Surely it would have been her turn to pay if you had paid for her previously?

Odd.

MrsPreston11 · 04/04/2018 10:42

Sounds like you had a lucky escape there OP!

MrsPreston11 · 04/04/2018 10:42

Pressed 'post' too soon.

Also I think once you explain to your mutual friend why you got blocked you might hear some interesting stories form her side! Let us know if you do!

52FestiveRoad · 04/04/2018 10:50

I would take turns paying as that is generally what is done.
Trouble with that arrangement is that the person paying first might never hear from the other person again, or they just invite to the park and pay for an ice cream on their turn. It rarely ends up with everyone paying an equal amount, and that is where resentments build up. Hence it is better for everyone to pay for themselves.

preggolady · 04/04/2018 11:01

She sounds like a nightmare. You are totally right.

expatinscotland · 04/04/2018 11:03

You've had a very lucky escape.

VladmirsPoutine · 04/04/2018 11:09

You always seem to find yourself in these sort of predicaments with cheeky fuckers, don't you OP. What a curious life you must lead.

Appuskidu · 04/04/2018 11:10

There are some amazing threads on here this week!

x2boys · 04/04/2018 11:19

Arnt there just Appuskidu.......

GreenTulips · 04/04/2018 11:19

Off your child's party was last year - where's your 'return' invite from her?

Some people are unbelievably cheeky! Good on your friend for calling her out on her steppe behaviour!

Fuller2018 · 04/04/2018 11:23

Blimey. April is CF month...

WineIsTheAnswer · 04/04/2018 11:31

Have you accidently become official host for the venue? Only way I can understand her ringing you up but still expecting you to "host".

Only time I've paid for friends is if it's a pay online to book tickets. To make sure we Both get tickets. Then might say you pay next time knowing there may or may not be a next time.

goodbyeeee · 04/04/2018 11:31

Completely batshit.

Iloveacurry · 04/04/2018 11:38

She’s s cheeky cow and not a friend.

JessicaJonesJacket · 04/04/2018 11:46

I wonder if she's viewing it as though you're hosting a playdate. If I was hosting a playdate then I'd pay.But I wouldn't assume that someone else would do the same and I wouldn't get annoyed about it.
I guess your comment that you couldn't afford to pay for her every time you went out made her feel like a freeloader.

SheSellSeaShells · 04/04/2018 11:47

hahaha totally nuts!! No one would ever arrange a meet up if they had to pay every time - if she can't tell the difference between a birthday party and a meet at soft play then she's a bit odd quite frankly!!

UpOver · 04/04/2018 11:49

Too. Crazy.

UpOver · 04/04/2018 11:50

Sorry posted to soon I was going to post She is too crazy.