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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not paying even though I 'invited '?

986 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 04/04/2018 09:10

Background:
For my dds birthday last year we invited some friends to soft play at a pub. I played entry for all the kids (and some siblings that came unexpectedly too). We brought a cake and everyone had a piece as well as juice to drink, if they wanted anything else they had to buy it (tea/coffee etc). As it came to dinner time I told them we were staying for dinner and people were welcome to join us. A couple did and we then paid for their meals (they didn't seem to expect this).
I have met up with one of the mum/ child that came and stayed for the meal at the same soft play since. She'd messaged asking to meet, I said me and another friend were planning to go to soft play and have lunch there if she wanted to join. We all arrived at different times so paid our own entry (she was last, text me when outside that she was here so when she got in I looked up and waved but didn't go over) and at food time we all ordered separately. She seemed a little quiet but had said she was tired cos her lo was waking up alot. We have met up since, but not at soft play, and all seemed fine.

So, yesterday the same happened again. She called asking if I wanted to meet up over the holiday. I said we were meeting a friend at soft play today if she wanted to join but we could meet some other time if she didn't fancy it. She said she'd join but then made a joke 'I suppose you're going to treat me like last time though'. When i queried what she meant she said that she was cross last time that I didn't pay for her entry or food. I was surprised and said that we don't normally pay for each other when we go out. She said that normally if invited you'd expect the host to pay and reminded me that I had done it before for dds birthday. I said I felt that was different and that this is not an invite in the same way, if she didn't want to come then I was happy to meet some other time elsewhere but I couldn't afford to pay for her every time we meet. She put the phone down on me.
Since then she has blocked me on fb, WhatsApp etc and been in touch with the other friend, trying to change the plans so they go to a different soft play together today but without me. She's said she will pay for that woman and child as 'that's how it's done between friends '. The friend has said to her that she's not leaving me out and that she would never expect to be paid for but that she is still welcome to join us at the originally planned place, or we can meet elsewhere another time if she doesn't fancy it. She's said she will think about whether she can face it and let her know.

Was I wrong? It's not the way I've ever done it with meet ups unless it's been a special occasion. I'm a sahm and meet up with people in similar ways all the time. If I had to pay for other people every time I'd not be able to do it at all!

OP posts:
HiggeldyPigsinblankets · 09/04/2018 13:59

well this has kept me entertained this morning, cant believe what cf's some people are. Love the idea of pre-paying for your meal Grin how many sleeps till the party Wink

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/04/2018 14:13

The "Evil Puns" is a mandatory module Dobby.

NOTHING pisses CF off as much as the object of their insane wrath making puns in response to everything they say, and then laughing maniacally.

However, you do have to sign a mom-liability form. I cannot be responsible for loss of limbs, teeth, hair bobbles etc.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/04/2018 14:14

*non-liability - the mom-liability form is discretionary . . . Grin

ChevalierTialys · 09/04/2018 16:12

she's seen me being paid for by alot of people and she wanted to bring it up before party friend's party as she heard I was staying for the meal after and thought I'd expect to be paid for.

Back-peddling bullshit. She's made up a cover story for her unreasonable entitled behaviour. She thought she was going to be paid for and when you didn't pay for her she got mad and acted like a pathetic child. Even the cover story is cuntery of the most pathetic kind. She's not only shown herself up as a childish bully but she's then told party friend she's also an interfering, nosy bitch.

YoThePussy · 09/04/2018 16:13

I’m up for your course Schadenfreude I like a certificate. Is it on parchment and embossed with sealing wax?

ChevalierTialys · 09/04/2018 16:14

she's seen me being paid for by alot of people and she wanted to bring it up before party friend's party as she heard I was staying for the meal after and thought I'd expect to be paid for.

Back-peddling bullshit. She's made up a cover story for her unreasonable entitled behaviour. She thought she was going to be paid for and when you didn't pay for her she got mad and acted like a pathetic child. Even the cover story is cuntery of the most pathetic kind. She's not only shown herself up as a childish bully but she's then exposed herself to party friend as an interfering, nosy bitch.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 09/04/2018 16:23

'Whenever, we're in group togethers, as she approaches I find a reason to move to another area eg. Ooh, must dash to the ladies, xxxx has just called me over, fake phone calls, I've left my purse at the bar etc... never obvious to anyone else.'

This ^ times 10!

I've come across people like this previously OP. They just don't work within normal, decent rules and they're completely toxic...

Think how much time she's spent being vile about you/to you... She's invested in being horrible for whatever odd self-justifying reason.

What I've learnt :
Absolutely don't engage further!! At all....

Any apology won't be for your benefit. They will still target you in different ways- when your guard is down..

She is spending time watching you with other people.... I would do my best to avoid her as much as possible.. If you can start spending time with other groups...
Its so sad when friendship groups break up... These sort of people are often the reason behind it....

They thrive on drama/misleading /outright lying.... They can't have any normal interactions before turning it into shit!

ScrumpyBetty · 09/04/2018 16:34

I'm looking forward to the party...and the update Grin

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/04/2018 17:46

It is, Pussy. There is Gothic-style printing on it, and an illuminated initial letter, and bits of gold embellishment round the edges and everything.

sockunicorn · 09/04/2018 22:17

I don’t think so many people have looked forward to a child’s birthday party EVER! This is far more exciting than any of my own DCs parties have ever been! Please update op xx

Sleepsoon7 · 09/04/2018 22:40

Omg - evil plans incorp evil puns workshop - I’m in!

Sleepsoon7 · 09/04/2018 22:41

Ps I’m having raptures about the gold bits round the edges………

Sleepsoon7 · 09/04/2018 22:43

PPS - my hair bobbles are secure some worries there………

Sleepsoon7 · 09/04/2018 22:44

Bugger - so no worries not some worries - it loses something in the telling………

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/04/2018 23:10

Don't worry Sleeps - your posts tell me that you are an IDEAL candidate for an Evil Puns Module. You are already juggling with words and concepts.

You are a natural.

Sleepsoon7 · 09/04/2018 23:16

❤️❤️❤️🤡😎😀❤️❤️❤️Schadenetcxxx

BeUpStanding · 09/04/2018 23:55

This was 5 pages back but just had to say great post @InkyToesies. You should definitely post more often! Smile

BeUpStanding · 10/04/2018 00:06

I'm also keen to sign up for your workshop Schadenfreude Grin.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 10/04/2018 00:21

Please may I sign up too, schaden? I'm rubbish at puns and need all the help I can get. Esp evil puns.

P.s. Is it you who does the occasional Vlad and vlanka posts? They're amazing!

Snortles · 10/04/2018 01:06

Looking forward to the party update OP Grin There is no need to dread it, all your lovely DFs have your back. I imagine she's the one shitting herself right now!

Oh and I would love to know why so many pps seem to think the CF must be foreign. From their experience, in which country/culture is such cheekyfuckery a norm? Just out of curiosity Hmm

Shadow666 · 10/04/2018 01:22

I think it’s because the woman seems so utterly convinced that she is correct in her understanding of the social convention here that people are wondering if she is from a country where that is the social convention.

It seems to me the woman has got hold of the wrong end of the stick, so to speak, but is utterly unwilling to accept she is wrong here.

GoldfishCrackers · 10/04/2018 06:36

Great post @InkyToesies 👍

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 10/04/2018 09:26

Party hasn't happened yet but late last night heard from party mum. She'd heard on the grape vine (through a friend 3 who hasn't been involved in all this who heard from friend 4 etc etc....) that I'm not going to the party. She called to check. While I was on the phone I had a text from friend 1 to persuade me that I should definitely go to the party as she had heard the same story. Neither have been able to track down who started it but we all have a good guess who....

OP posts:
WowLookAtYou · 10/04/2018 09:33

I presume the reason given for you not going to the party is because you're too mean to pay for yourself?

CallThePenguins · 10/04/2018 09:37

Unbelievable. The cheek of her! Go with your head held high, you have done nothing wrong.

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