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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not paying even though I 'invited '?

986 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 04/04/2018 09:10

Background:
For my dds birthday last year we invited some friends to soft play at a pub. I played entry for all the kids (and some siblings that came unexpectedly too). We brought a cake and everyone had a piece as well as juice to drink, if they wanted anything else they had to buy it (tea/coffee etc). As it came to dinner time I told them we were staying for dinner and people were welcome to join us. A couple did and we then paid for their meals (they didn't seem to expect this).
I have met up with one of the mum/ child that came and stayed for the meal at the same soft play since. She'd messaged asking to meet, I said me and another friend were planning to go to soft play and have lunch there if she wanted to join. We all arrived at different times so paid our own entry (she was last, text me when outside that she was here so when she got in I looked up and waved but didn't go over) and at food time we all ordered separately. She seemed a little quiet but had said she was tired cos her lo was waking up alot. We have met up since, but not at soft play, and all seemed fine.

So, yesterday the same happened again. She called asking if I wanted to meet up over the holiday. I said we were meeting a friend at soft play today if she wanted to join but we could meet some other time if she didn't fancy it. She said she'd join but then made a joke 'I suppose you're going to treat me like last time though'. When i queried what she meant she said that she was cross last time that I didn't pay for her entry or food. I was surprised and said that we don't normally pay for each other when we go out. She said that normally if invited you'd expect the host to pay and reminded me that I had done it before for dds birthday. I said I felt that was different and that this is not an invite in the same way, if she didn't want to come then I was happy to meet some other time elsewhere but I couldn't afford to pay for her every time we meet. She put the phone down on me.
Since then she has blocked me on fb, WhatsApp etc and been in touch with the other friend, trying to change the plans so they go to a different soft play together today but without me. She's said she will pay for that woman and child as 'that's how it's done between friends '. The friend has said to her that she's not leaving me out and that she would never expect to be paid for but that she is still welcome to join us at the originally planned place, or we can meet elsewhere another time if she doesn't fancy it. She's said she will think about whether she can face it and let her know.

Was I wrong? It's not the way I've ever done it with meet ups unless it's been a special occasion. I'm a sahm and meet up with people in similar ways all the time. If I had to pay for other people every time I'd not be able to do it at all!

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 10/04/2018 12:56

How about: I don't owe you.... don't want to play with your (softplay) toys.....

Nah, too long!

mummmy2017 · 10/04/2018 13:01

You are being so good about all of this.
At party ask who wants a coffee.........
Get your purse out......
If she looks up and says anything say oh is this one I owe you or are you going to owe me one?.....

YoThePussy · 10/04/2018 13:03

How about, ‘I went to a marvellous party’ as written and sung by Noel Coward.

zzzzz · 10/04/2018 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenTulips · 10/04/2018 13:26

Softzilla at softplay - the saga continues ....

LittleMissSurrey · 10/04/2018 14:12

Hahaha LOVE @Lacontessa's proposal 'It's not my party and I'll pay if I want to!' I'm usually a bit of a lurker but I'm gobsmacked by this woman's behaviour I can't wait to hear what happens at the party!!

newmummy34 · 10/04/2018 16:38

Op, can't believe what you've had to put up so far but whatever happens, you MUST go to that party!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/04/2018 16:48

Thank you Keepserving

And yes - I did Vlad and Vanka (I have a spy in the Kremlin), but the last thread I posted on, I got a lot of abuse, and someone complained that they were racist or something and they were taken down, So I stopped.

But I'm glad you enjoyed them.

I didn't think they were racist, but maybe I was wrong.

I don't mind people not liking them, but they don't have to read them. I was a bit upset at the sheer loathing that came my way (I m a sensitive little flower).

However my Evil Plans and Puns Workshop looks as though it is going to be popular. The certificates are at the printers now, and they look MAGNIFICENT.

I didn't want anything gaudy, so I settled for plain red and yellow interwoven Celtic-style dragons as a border design. With gold bits, obviously.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/04/2018 16:50

To take a leaf from schaden's book, I'd get party mum and friend 1 to 'confirm' your lack of attendance then show up anyway grin

Nice one Dobby

The Force is strong within you.

MadMags · 10/04/2018 16:55

Schadenfreude, I've only been lurking on this thread but I remember the last thread you posted V&V on and I wouldn't say you got abuse did you?

I think people didn't find it funny, which is fair enough, but also that you posted on someone's completely unrelated thread and almost derailed it! Which is just not cricket, really.

But anyway, @OP do please link the next thread on here before it fills up!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/04/2018 17:13

MadMags

Another poster made a Vlad comment that I responded to. I didn't almost derail the thread. After the SpanGran saga when V & V made their debut I don't think I mentioned them again unless another poster said "Wonder what Vlad thinks of this - any idea Schaden?" or similar. Any derailing came from the individuals who filled up the thread complaining about them not being funny.

And yes - I did get some nasty comments.

If people don't find it funny, I have no objections to that - they can consider it absolute shite - that's their choice, But there was no need for the comments some posters made.

Anyway, I decided that I wasn't going to put myself in that particular firing line again. So I haven't done. Grin

MadMags · 10/04/2018 17:25

There must have been another thread that I missed if you were getting nasty comments!

Anyways, back to OP! Grin

YoThePussy · 10/04/2018 18:03

I am really hoping we are going to do a Vlad and Vanka role play Schadenfreude during your course. I have a furry Russian hat I can bring as a prop.

Anyway, bring on the party poppers and jelly.

nanatobetobe · 10/04/2018 18:06

Schadenfreude- I so enjoyed vlad and vanka. I'm sorry to hear you got a hard time.

nanatobetobe · 10/04/2018 18:07

Schadenfreude- I so enjoyed vlad and vanka. I'm sorry to hear you got a hard time.

blueduvetface · 10/04/2018 18:15

There were some very unkind comments. I felt bad for you.

Lisemarie27 · 10/04/2018 20:01

Intrigued and following!

Goodasgoldilox · 10/04/2018 20:22

Vlad and Vanka were fun!
Your writing is very entertaining.
(The characters seem to be suffering the same fate as Apu from the Simpsons. )

MiddleClassProblem · 10/04/2018 21:17

Softzilla The Accountant
Softzilla and Made Up Maths
Softzilla Party Smash
Softzilla’s got Talent (for spreading BS)
Softzilla’s always watching
Softzilla and the empty wallet

mikeyssister · 10/04/2018 21:38

Please OP remember to link the new thread on this one.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 10/04/2018 21:45

Grin at 'Softzilla and the empty wallet'

QuackPorridgeBacon · 10/04/2018 21:52

What is this Vlad and Vanka? I’ve clearly missed something and have no idea what it is.

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 10/04/2018 21:54

I just keep thinking of these lyrics...

O you take the high road and I'll take the low road
And I'll be in Scotland afore ye
For me and my true love will ne-er meet again
On the bonnie, bonnie banks of Loch Lomond.

BerylStreep · 10/04/2018 21:55

Softzilla's soft in the head

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 10/04/2018 21:56

The high road bit makes me read it as Scotzilla.